Undergraduate / Common App Short Essay - Extracurriculars [NEW]

Could someone please read the following essay for content (does it show enough personality), correct usage of words, and mechanics.

Prompt- In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities

Tennis has heavily impacted my life. Picking up a tennis racquet as a freshman in high school, I knew little about the passion that I was going to develop for the sport. All the worries of the world seem to disappear when I step on to the tennis court. Playing on the High school team has just been a part of experience. Tennis has helped me make a lot of friends, while providing me with a competitive environment. I have become a tennis aficionado. Apart from developing a sense of fellowship in the team, tennis has fostered a general sense of camaraderie and sportsmanship in me. Regardless of the outcome of the match, I can always look into my opponent's eyes, with a smile on my face, and shake his hand.

Thanks in advance.

Undergraduate / "DARPA Grand Challenge" - Lehigh Short Essay [2]

I need to have this essay proofread for content as well as mechanics.

As you researched and visited colleges and universities, why did you decide to apply to Lehigh? Please give specific reasons. What contributions will you make during your time at Lehigh?

As I researched different colleges, I decided to apply to Lehigh because it presents academic rigor in a cordial environment. Lehigh offers a first rate education, but it also drives students to seek their ambitions. I am particularly impressed by the Integrated Business and Engineering program, which offers a brilliant foundation for entrepreneurial initiatives in the field of technology. Lehigh, however, does not encourage cutthroat competition. Instead, it mimics the real world by emphasizing fruitful collaboration. Lehigh also offers opportunities for teams to work on different projects such as the "DARPA Grand Challenge".

While attending Lehigh, I can contribute significantly to the Lehigh community. I realize that the opportunities at Lehigh are endless, and I will take full advantage of them. Having immigrated from India three years ago myself, I can fully perceive the difficulties of international students. I can lead the beacon, helping these individuals adapt to the Lehigh community.

Please let me know if there's any issues with the essay. If it doesn't flow or connect, or if the metaphors i use just suck, feel free to tear me down.

Thanks in advance

Undergraduate / A successful college campus - Lehigh Second Supplement [2]

Hi, again

Could someone read over this essay for content as well as grammar.

What values do you believe are important in fostering a cohesive, successful, and supportive campus community? Please provide us with details from an experience that you had that has shaped these values.

A successful college campus is one that guides its student body to self discovery. I believe that a healthy campus community must be diverse, and multidimensional but also allow for cultural exchange. Even though the students may come from different backgrounds, and pursue different goals, they must share common interests. The community must work as a whole to recover from setbacks and achieve greater heights. In such a close knit community, students can expand their horizons and pave the streets to success.

Having experienced a collaborative community firsthand, I can vouch for its strength. In the 7th grade, my school hosted a School Fair. As a part of the project, I never believed that the all disciplines ranging from science to music could be brought under the same roof. Yet, the herculean endeavor came to life through the cooperation and diligence of the school community. The School Fair was a success, and the school received numerous accolades, but the triumph lay in the hands of the students. It was only our endless perseverance that allowed us to overcome every setback and achieve success.

I know this essay needs some changes. It needs to be a little shorter and I don't really know if the content corresponds to the question. Idk.. I just need help >.<

Thanks again

Undergraduate / Why CMU essay - Computer Science School [4]

Hey I just need someone to review my essay.

Please check for content as well as mechanics.. Is it too dull? Does it divert from the prompt? Please be as critical as possible...

Carnegie Mellon University has particularly fascinated me in my quest to find the right college because it cultivates a passion for learning, while encouraging its students to pursue their varied interests. CMU brings the greatest minds of all fields, ranging from music and drama to architecture and technology, under the same roof. What you get as a result is invaluable academic rigor in a rich campus environment.

Of the multitude of programs offered at Carnegie Mellon, the School of Computer Science has taken my interest. My first encounters with computer programming came about as my dad tried to teach me a thing or two about the work he did. I was initially overwhelmed by the intricate syntax of computer programs. However, as time went on, my interest in Computer Science grew from my father's influence. From programming my TI-83 to writing simple macros using Autoit , I was utterly fascinated by the power of Computers. Consequently, I began self studying Java through Stanford University's OpenCourseWare initiative. The closer I got to Computer Science, the more my passion grew towards it. It struck me like madness, taking over all my thoughts. I spent hours designing, testing, and debugging any computer programs I could think of. The Java programs I created, with minimal professional guidance, simply blew my mind away. The elegance and beauty of Computer Science became evident to me. I have specifically chosen Carnegie Mellon to harbor my passion for CS because I believe that CMU is simply a center of brilliance. The advances made in the field of Virtual Reality through courses such as Building Virtual Worlds, and facilities such as the Entertainment Technology Center provide clear evidence of pioneerism. In a captivating environment like that of CMU, there are no boundaries to what I may pursue.

Apart from the School of Computer Science, the Carnegie Institute of Technology also appeals strongly to me. From the days of my childhood, I have had a natural curiosity in the fields of math and science. As a result, I have excelled in science-related subjects. When it came to building models, however, something always seemed to take precedence over any laws of physics I knew. While building paper helicopters, more mass did not always mean a faster flight. There was always some phenomenon that my narrow knowledge of physics couldn't explain or didn't expect. The challenges that nature presented were simply more formidable, when compared to challenges presented by a textbook problem. Recently, I was building a mouse-trap powered car for Physics class. After spending hours working toward the most optimum design, I finally tested the car. As I watched the car race toward the finish line, I felt a sense of satisfaction like no other. The joy of watching one of your creations at work is simply enthralling. By pursuing engineering at CMU, I will be a part of innovation that transforms the future of mankind. Carnegie Mellon places emphasis mastering the fundamentals to prepare its graduates for the ever-dynamic field of engineering. It is the insane unconventionalism of CMU, however, that separates it from its counterparts. When you can have robots like Valerie and Tank take over reception duties, you know you are out to change the world.

Above all other reasons, Carnegie Mellon provides the perfect college experience because of its supportive campus community. It is simply amazing how all the departments at CMU can fill up the seats in a Virtual Reality presentation as well as a Theatre Production. Carnegie Mellon's emphasis on collaboration and multidimensionalism will allow me to leave my own mark on the world. As a Carnegie Mellon graduate, I can count on my degree to open doors all around the world.