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Posts by ujax
Joined: Oct 29, 2011
Last Post: Mar 10, 2012
Threads: 4
Posts: 15  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 19
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ujax   
Dec 26, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Not a random mixture of ethnicities alone' - Common App essay diversity [5]

Prompt: A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

(I bolded the paragraph starts)

Diversity to me did not simply represent a random mixture of ethnicities alone. Just because we had people from different races in one room did not necessarily mean it was a diverse environment. I felt that a place or community is diverse when one opens their respective minds and realizes all the varying cultures that exist around them. The amalgam of cultures, traditions and heritages, the mixture of varying beliefs and ideals and the coalescing of many backgrounds into one mosaic was a true diverse environment. A diverse environment, however, is not limited to just varying cultural backgrounds, but can also have in it people who have a variety of different interests, hobbies and goals.

I am a first generation Indian American and I grew up in the town of Edison, NJ. Initially, it did not even strike me that Edison was a diverse place, the reason being I had not thought of it as such. In all honesty, I had a narrow minded view of the world and I was indifferent to the various people who were around me daily in my school. I viewed my surroundings as me in a school filled with Americans. I had friends from varying ethnic backgrounds but I never bothered to understand the deep cultures they carried with them. To me they were just typical American teenagers much like I was. This, however, changed when I began to volunteer at my school's local greenhouse. There, I met a young Japanese kid who I can now call one of my closest friends. I was asked to come back to the greenhouse at around 6 that day because they needed extra help but I couldn't that day because I had my mridangam (A South Indian drum) class. My friend asked me what I was doing and I hesitated because I didn't know how to tell him something I assumed he had never heard of. When I finally told him, he simply smiled and replied "Oh, I know that instrument. I've seen people playing that before". He also went on to tell me whatever he knew about Indian Classical Music. I was taken aback. How did he know about my culture so much when I knew nothing about his or anyone else's for that matter? As it turns out, he had an Indian friend like me who also played the instrument and it interested him to learn more about the cultural heritage of India. I then realized how I never bothered to ask him anything about his life or his interests. I began to ask him soon about what interests him and what hobbies he had. After this experience, I realized how much I had never bothered to know about my friends. Whether it be characteristics that illustrate their own personal traditions and cultural backgrounds or just simply hobbies and interests that they enjoy, my friends' lives had remained distant until then. I realized how little I knew of my closest friends except about their grades or what classes they had. I came to a final realization that in any diverse environment there is always an exchange in both directions. I realized how I was similar to everyone in that I had my own idiosyncrasies and this added to the diverse environment of my school much like anyone else's personal activities would. To a college environment, I would bring my knowledge of my Indian culture and religion, enjoyment of sports like tennis, my curiosity and inquisitiveness and above all a sense of understanding and curiosity about my fellow peers.

In order for there to be a positive atmosphere and an environment where people can enjoy, one must keep an open mind. He or she should not only embrace one's own background but also learn to understand and tolerate the multitude of backgrounds that, in today's modern world, exists in any environment. Just because we are in a melting pot society does not mean automatically mean we are worldly and tolerant; when we learn and form connections with people who have similar or different traditions, who share similar or different interests, and who share similar or different talents we become much more open minded and this gives us a fresh perspective from which we can view. Similar to how a prism combines a multitude of colors into one shining white light, our society accepts and brings together similar, somewhat different, and very different aspects of each person into a uniform system. With this understanding I began to realize what had always been echoed in the famous line: "E pluribus Unum"; unity in diversity. This would prepare me for a bright future in life.
ujax   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / MIT essay ,choice of major... [4]

You should tweak the second one slightly and it would be the better one. The research idea is good because it gives you motivation. I would suggest making your writing more succinct and clear.
ujax   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'many backgrounds and minds' - Why Columbia Essay [7]

Columbia appeals to me because of the amalgam of many backgrounds and minds from all over the country to all over the world in a rigorous academic environment that fosters creative thinking. Because of the thousands of applications Columbia receives, admission is competitive. For me, however, I do not see it as competitiveness alone. It is true that there are many people vying for the same spots but I see this as more of an opportunity. Columbia represents a place where anyone with sound academic interest and passion can come to learn and benefit the world. With so many talented, well-rounded people who excel not in just the humanities but also in science and vice-versa applying, I feel inspired to improve my grades, gain knowledge of subjects and learn about the different perspectives and visions others have. With world class faculty and the largest Nobel laureates , ranging from economics to physics, of any institution, Columbia compels me to seek knowledge, assimilate into a rich and diverse urban lifestyle, and improve my overall standing as person in society.

Look over my essay please and check for errors (grammatical, content...etc). Thank You!!
ujax   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'many backgrounds and minds' - Why Columbia Essay [7]

Thanks so much and I understand what you are saying. I replaced Harvard with Columbia and you were right, I need to be more specific. Good Luck on your Duke and Northwestern Essays as well and if you want I'll gladly read them. Thanks Again!
ujax   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'many backgrounds and minds' - Why Columbia Essay [7]

Columbia appeals to me because it is an amalgam of people with different backgrounds and minds from all over the world that coexist in a rigorous academic environment that fosters creative thinking. Columbia University echoes the atmosphere of New York City itself. The campus is not just New York City alone because Morningside Heights has its own unique campus feel, however, the representation of the values of a New Yorker is evident at Columbia. There is no typical Columbia student because each student is unique in his or her own way and each contributes to a grand mosaic of diversity much like how each New Yorker is unique and is able to follow his or her passion. Columbia receives thousands of applications and admission is competitive, yet I view the application process not so much as a competition, but rather as an opportunity. Columbia represents a place where anyone with passion can come to learn and make significant contributions to the world. With so many well-rounded people who excel in several academic fields applying to the university, I feel all the more motivated to improve my grades, gain knowledge of subjects, and learn about different ideas. With world class faculty and the many Nobel laureates that have graduate from and taught at Columbia, I am compelled to seek more knowledge, assimilate myself into a rich and diverse urban lifestyle, and improve my overall standing as a person in society. Columbia offers me more to pursue my dreams than anywhere else.

Is this better? I tried to squeeze it under 1500 chars so I may have made grammatical mistakes or my wording might be verbose. Please take a look. Thank You :)
ujax   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / I live in a box; Carnegie Mellon - Why CMU? [7]

Damn this is a well written essay. You seem to have a real aspiration for going to CMU. I love how you detail each program and know so much about the college, I feel like you're already a student. Well written essay!
ujax   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / Coffee or chai tea? Cookies or biscuits? Chicken sandwich or chicken curry?; UVA [4]

I like how you gave it a personal touch. It really "shows" more than it "tells" and describes the culture clash you experienced. The meaning behind these words is the reason I have the confidence to even submit an application to one of the nation's top universities seems a little unnecessary.
ujax   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'local Indian Classical concert' - MIT essay [3]

Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?(*) (200-250 words)

This had to be my worst performance ever. "I should have practiced harder," I thought to myself. My hands were numb and sweating and my mridangam playing was shaky at best. The vocalist and the violinist were in tune and in perfect harmony while my cacophonous noises perhaps scared some people away. I was playing my mridangam in local Indian Classical concert and I realized my tempo and rhythm were off. It was embarrassing. My persistent trepidation kept me from performing well. Afterwards, people came up to me with smiles and said "Well done, Bharath!" I weakly smiled but I knew they didn't mean that. Needless to say after the performance I was dejected, my confidence to play shattered. That night I went home and after aimlessly browsing the web I came upon a quote by Samuel Beckett, "Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." I was irritated. I thought his quote was meaningless and useless to anyone who wanted to succeed. Later, I began thinking of that quote and understood its true meaning-perseverance. Perseverance was key and I spent the next year honing my skills and practicing hard so my confidence was at its highest. I may have failed and not lived up to my expectations but there was only one way to go from there-up. Maybe I would fail but I was sure I would "fail better" and that would be my next point to begin until I reached my goal.

Any corrections (grammatical, content wise, etc) appreciated and harsh but constructive criticism appreciated!
ujax   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'A small tiny ant' - Princeton Voice essay [6]

"Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." Samuel Beckett. Worstward Ho . 1983.

This had to be my worst performance ever. I should have practiced harder I thought to myself. My hands were numb and sweating and my mridangam playing was shaky at best. The vocalist and the violinist were in tune and in perfect harmony while my cacophonous noises perhaps scared some people away. I was playing my mridangam in local Indian Classical concert and I realized my tempo and rhythm were off. It was embarrassing. My persistent trepidation kept me from performing well. Afterwards, people came up to me with smiles and said "Well done, Bharath!" I weakly smiled but I knew they did not mean that. Needless to say after the performance I was dejected, my confidence to play shattered. Giving up would have seemed the easiest option at that point. I disliked those people who would remark that it doesn't matter if you fail, just try again. Easier said than done. "How would they know what it means to fail?"

After sometime I came down from my room for dinner. I was walking aimlessly until I came upon an ant. A small tiny ant tried to make its way across my dining room floor. Each and every step of the way I saw it obstructed by small pieces of things or my family walking by. At one point a small unknown particle of food or something blocked the ant. The ant tried to hopelessly move it and tried again and again. I laughed watching the poor creature as it persevered in its endeavor until finally this small, unintelligent ant did something that even I could not do-it overcame its obstacle.

I then realized and learned from the wise ant the necessity of perseverance. I then realized the true essence of the quote which I wrote above. One will always fail at some point in his or her life, however, the courage to learn from that past failure, surmount it and then proceed on with my goals was necessary to be successful. Giving up would not get me farther and neither would moping about my failure. I failed, so what? It was my turn to practice harder, be ambitious and set a new goal for myself. Even in this process I realized at some point I would fail and I knew I would be dejected for failure is not easy to cope with. But I did know now that I would try again, and quite possibly fail again but this time I would fail better. Maybe one time after I had persevered, I would proceed and make my way much like how that weak but strong ant had done.

It's a bit short and I kinda did it in rush so please help! Make any grammatical or content corrections. Thanks
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