Undergraduate / "My Summer of 2010" - Common App Personal Essay [3]

Hey guys, here's my attempt to write my personal essay for college. Writing isn't one of my strengths so I am open to any criticism or errors. And if it's that bad let me just tell you it's supposed to be about my first time volunteering as a teacher's assistant and how I learned to become a better leader. I feel that I'm not expressing it strong enough so I need your help! In the mean time, I shall read some other student's essays.

Please write an essay (250-500 words) on a topic of your choice or on one of the options listed below.
- Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

A significant experience that I faced was during the summer of 2010. My friend, Judy, invited me to my first summer job as a teacher's assistant. I was fifteen years old at the time and with not much experience at all, I decided to accept the job offer. I was clueless for what the job as a teacher's assistant held for me until it all started out when an English teacher asked me to make copies of her work for her students.

It was only through interaction with the students and helping the teachers with what they wanted that I learned to become a better role model and to know what kinds of responsibilities were upon me as a "leader." The teacher would ask me to help her watch the kids while the kids were taking a test or if she needed to get something. And I remember when the first time I was told to do that; I would walk into the classroom full of students staring at me not knowing who I was and I would stare back blankly. During that moment, I introduced myself and told the students to behave. And while I was still in the classroom, there is always at least one student that tries to find trouble or has a question about something.

Before I knew it, I had just learnt a new behavior of kids. It made me realize that kids would always find problems for me to deal with. Whether it was a big or small conflict, I was seen as the person who is supposed to take charge of the classroom and so they looked up to me for a solution. The students expected me to help solve their problem when they encounter something they don't understand. And as a leader of this classroom, I am the one to take initiative. My summer of 2010 was a remarkable summer. It gave me the experience of something I have never dealt with before and at the same time; I had learned how to be a better role model in addition to the value of responsibility.

Undergraduate / 'Cycling Club / Even Better' - University of Rochester Supplements [3]

This is pretty rough so I'm open to any suggestions. Thanks!

In 125 words or less, please answer the following questions.

Why Rochester? - Rochester students live on campus together but commit to self-direction and self-determination through our curriculum. Independent, confident thinkers who ''play well with others'' thrive here. Show us how this uncommon intersection of traits describes you, and tell us why you would excel at Rochester.

As the President of my school's Cycling Club, I am always reminding myself that what no matter what I will have sole responsibility for my actions. I'm always thinking of topics of interest to discuss with my club and am self-determined to do what I think is right in order for everything to take place. I have always enjoyed working alone but communicating with my club members is also important and is one of the ways to keep my club members connected and lively. I would excel realizing that working independently is always the way to start my own ideas; in addition, I value independence because it allows my inner leadership skills to take command.

Meliora: 'Ever better' - The University's motto, Meliora, directs our focus toward continual improvement through research, understanding, and collaborative efforts. Offer an example from your personal experience of an obstacle you faced or a problem you identified. Describe the actions you took and the result.

An obstacle I faced was when I attempted to grant my school's Cycling Club permission to go for group rides. The situation I dealt with was who I should talk to in order to gain permission to ride bicycles outside of school property. I first discussed this with the advisor of my club and we both started by asking teachers who might know how it worked for the former Cycling Club that was open a few years ago. It turned out my English teacher knew some information of how it used to function and recommended me to the highest authority, the Principal. I conferred with my adviser for him to collaborate with the Principal and I'm now waiting for the Principal to give approval.

Undergraduate / Recommended / Inspirational / Teacher assistant /Walls Syracuse University Supplement [4]

I looked through many sources to help myself answer Syracuse University's supplement essay. Any suggestions or changes are greatly appreciated. Thanks!

1. Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?

I did not know about Syracuse University until my college guidance counselor recommended me to this university. While researching, my interest strengthened when I realized that my cousin is a current student of Syracuse University and the wealth of programs that Syracuse University offers to deliver superior academic experience. When speaking of Syracuse she speaks with admiration and love for the university. One aspect that this university makes it appealing to me is the amount of school spirit that students have.

2. Who is the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University can help you achieve this?

I dream of becoming independent, intelligent, and inspirational. However, more than anything, I want to be culturally diverse. To tour different countries and experience different cultures, I believe Syracuse University can help me achieve this through Study Abroad because Study Abroad would enrich my college career through international education. My education in Syracuse University will provide me with many ways to relate my studies to the world around me and its strong connections with community will give me invaluable professional experience.

3. If you have had work experience, what skills and/or knowledge did you gain?

One summer I spent my time volunteering as a teacher's assistant. I did not get paid but I valued the experience nonetheless. Being a teacher's assistant has taught me responsibility and opened my mind on how to become a better role model. I was able to observe how teachers interact with students and how close a relationship they had with each other. I learned that although a classroom is just a room full of kids, each student, however, is important as an individual. Each individual are to get the upmost attention from the teacher in order to not lack in education. Communication with each student is important to understand each other. Being responsible is another skill I gained. For instance, when out on a school trip and I was assigned a group of students, I was to supervise and care for them. Overall, being a role model is not easy. However, it is okay for me to say that volunteering as a teacher's assistant has broadened my knowledge in becoming a more responsible and motivated leader.

4. Our mission of Scholarship in Action, education for the world in the world, extends beyond the classroom to include engagement opportunities with our campus community, the City of Syracuse, and locations across the globe. Based on your interests, tell us what real-world experiences you might pursue during your education at Syracuse as part of this mission.

During my education in Syracuse, I am confident to say that the classroom walls will not limit me and I hope to expand my education in the City of Syracuse and the world. One of the programs I would like to participate is Study Abroad, where I can have a college orientation with cultural exploration, adding another dimension to my learning experience. I want to enrich my education with life experience through hands-on programs and activities in addition to strengthening the cultural and recreational diversity in Syracuse. I am sure my education in Syracuse University is through changing lives, in the neighborhoods, and the world.