Undergraduate / the word "accept" - UVA your favorite word and why [4]

I have an essay on the topic of "What is your favorite word and Why?" === can anyone please proofread my essay for me? Thank You.

Among all the words, the word "accept" is what I cherish and also been as our family's motto.
I got fascinated of this word as I grow up because of my dad who taught me from his own experiences when he was abandoned by parents in early age and growing up by himself. Because of that, ever since I was little, I was forced to learn and accept all the consequences of my action, doesn't matter how small it is. If I had broken something, I had to earn wages to replace it and if I didn't do my task, I had to face the punishment but also enjoy rewards whenever I achieve my tasks. Learning and accepting the result of consequences that could be a punishment or reward teaches me that running away or hiding it will not solve the problems but rather, face and bracing the truth resolves it. The word "accept" is what most of people fear and want to avoid but it is definitely a word for those bold and courageous. Accepting the outcome not just only makes me better but it allows me to become more mature.

In short, the word "accept" is and will always a word I will cherish and value because it encourages me to learn and take responsibilities and mold me into a better person.

Undergraduate / Free response (breaking the tradition) - Common App personal statement [NEW]

Can anyone please tell me or give me an advice on how to make my intro. interesting? Also I need help with the conclusion because I think it sounds a bit cliche.. Thank you so much!!!!

This is my personal statement for the Common App. - free response

My parents set a future plan for me to learn swimming. Ever since I was a child, I would always have private lessons every day. A few years passed when I learned that it was kind of a tradition in Korea for children to learn and pick swimming as their sports. However, I disliked swimming so I decided to go against the tradition and instead choose my ideal sport. This was probably my first time going against my parent's wishes, but I wanted them to know what I really wanted to do. A few years went and I grew interest in golf when I saw a high school golf team enjoy as they carry their golf bags while walking on the fairways. Golf interested me because it doesn't require intense physical activity. So, I decided freshmen year that I was going to pick golf as my ideal school sport.

After graduating from middle school, I stopped taking swimming lessons and started to learn to play golf in July so that I could try out for golf in the beginning of August. The day finally came for the golf try-out. When I was done I looked at my score card and I felt a little disappointed because the score didn't come out as good as I wanted it to be. However, the coach put me in the team anyway because I had a really nice golf swing and he thought I had a lot of potential and talent in golf. In contrast to my imagination of golf, the joy of becoming a part of the golf team lasted very shortly as the intensity of the practice and the game grew stronger. Far from what I had in mind, carrying a heavy golf bag and practicing almost every day while the weather was scorching hot was definitely not pretty. It was torture. Even though I felt that I improved a little, my score was noticeably different and higher than most of my team members as they were well prepared for this compared to me as I was still new to the world of golf.

I knew I had to do something in order for me to play better than the rest of them. I had to practice harder and find a better way to fix my game because I set a goal to participate at least once at the Girls State Tournament. Unfortunately, I was the shortest and weighed less than the other girls. Because of this, I had a disadvantage of not being able to produce enough power to drive the ball farther and this became my biggest handicap. But on the bright side, I found out that I had a better accuracy and control on a ball than others. I had the chance to focus more in the short game and accuracy to lower my score for me to have a chance of making the cut at the Girls State Tournament.

I didn't make the cut my freshman year but I experienced something great from it. The next year was heartbreaking because I was so close in making the cut. Then during the summer break, I formed a plan and decided to practice five to six hours a day. My effort finally paid off because my score did drop from 100's to low 80's. With all the effort and hard work, in my junior year I finally made the cut and participated in the Girls State Tournament that was held in Virginia Beach. When I look back to that time, I am glad that I didn't give up in golf even though I was busy preparing for the SAT's and the audition for Senior Regional Orchestra. In the midst of this, I had to visit the doctor a few times for a swollen wrist due to long golf practices. There were many times when I doubted myself with all the work I had to get done. Nevertheless, after I successfully accomplished my goal, I gained a great deal of confidence.

Undergraduate / reduce words - "Which of your current or previous teachers do you admire" [4]

I need help in reducing some words on this essay PLEASE, I like'em all but needs to be within 250 words, any ideas? Thank you ^^

Since I was child, become a high school teacher was my dream. To me teaching others is really fun, like all my elementary teachers. But unlike those nice teachers who were so kind in answering questions and helping students, I got so discouraged and lost interest in teaching because of one particular teacher I met in high school. He believes the "math" is only superior subject in academic. And yes, he does have a great gift in math. But watching him being arrogant and making fun of students who doesn't understands made me sick and got me reconsider of teaching. On top on that, more discouraging came from my parents opposing what teachers makes in salary and watching most of female teachers hurrying back home got me thinking it is not a fun job as once I thought. I guess I never realized that to become a good teacher not only requires knowledge but also requires passion, affection, competence and patience. As I was despaired and reconsidering in medical field, my affection sparkled again when I met my physic teacher in governor class. Being in governor class, we are supposedly smart but physic is something we all struggles, right? Ok, except few kids. But no matter how often we ask and bother, he never got tired of our questions, but rather he was happy and dedicated to teach us. He once said that we shouldn't be embarrassed of not understanding because he too still studies since learning has never ending. But most encouraging and aspiring word he said was he thanks to all students for being eager to learn and that inspires him more to teach. It is because of him, I was able to get back on my long dream that could've been lost. Moreover, I found solid purpose why I really want to become a teacher, who can contribute to others and hope I can say the same one day.

This has little over 320 words and don't know what to omitt^^