Undergraduate / 'My interest in mechanical engineering' - common app [6]

i was happy with the essay when i wrote it but now for a second thought i see it soo plain i dont want to bore the admission fellas with an overused "hero" essay what do you think? how can i edit it to become more unique or is it fine like this please be truthful and harsh!

topic 3 tell us about a person who had an influence on you and describe that influence
Polaris
A quick glance into my room will tell you a lot about me. You'll find no clothes or video games or all the stuff you would expect to find in a regular teenage boy's room. Instead there are shelves filled with motorized Lego kits, erector sets, model rockets, remote control race cars, and boxes full of motors, wires, batteries, propellers, soldering irons and hand tools. I've always enjoyed building things. Thus, no one was surprised when I decided to apply to university for mechanical engineering.

My interest in mechanical engineering is actually an old one. It first began at the age of seven when I first accompanied my father, also an engineer, to work. He showed me all the different water jets, engines, pistons and machinery .Although I wasn't old enough to fully comprehend what I saw, I was nevertheless dumbfounded by it.

Ever since that day I have become determined to pursue a career in mechanical engineering. I would never have come this far without the help of my father. He is truly the most influential character in my life; my source of motivation and help. Not only was he the first to introduce me to mechanical engineering, but he has continued to inspire me throughout all these. Moreover; he taught me how to adapt to both the changes and competition that I will face due to the eventual shift in my career from an amateur to a professional. In addition, he showed me how to reach what others expect from me and exceed these expectations if possible. He also taught me to never give up and that no matter how hard achieving something may look like; the juice will always be worth the squeeze. Besides all these things he helped me acquire a summer job as a mechanic in training which gave me the opportunity to interact with people and real life work for the first time. Only through combining his valuable teaching with his guidance and advice did I manage to succeed in my job and win the "Best Apprentice" award and a job offer for the following year.

If you ask a sailor where is Polaris he will probably point at a star some place in the sky. However, my Polaris is my father. He is what guides me in the darkest of nights, my fuel that keeps me going when I no longer can. In applying to university, I believe that I have taken the first stride in my path of following my father's footsteps or even surpassing them. I hope I become a successful mechanical engineer and set a legacy for my children just as my father has done for me. However, I also believe that this path won't be an easy one. After all, I am entering a completely new stage in my life. One filled with new challenges-new adversities. But hopefully through sticking to what my father taught me, working hard, staying inspired and above all, having passion towards mechanical engineering this transition will be smooth and prosperous.

thank you for you help

Undergraduate / 'going to school fairs' - stanford supplement [4]

here is my my essay for the stanford supplement
Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.

When I was younger I had the habit of going to fairs that were held at my school each year. I have always enjoyed my time there with family and friends. However, it once happened that I stumbled upon a booth that was selling souvenirs in one of the fairs. Of all the things that were in exhibit it was Rubik's cube that particularly triggered my curiosity. From that day on that cube would become an integral part of my life. I would always carry it on me wherever I go and try to unravel it whenever I had time. When I was in tenth grade I thought about sharing my hobby with others by setting up Rubik's cube school club. Its first few days it weren't a success, but this did not hold me down. Every day I would sit with my cube and patiently wait for someone to show up. It then happened one day that someone arrived with a cube in his hand and asked if he could join. Since then the club started to flourish. Day by day people would come and ask if they can join the club or watch me and other members sitting together trying different strategies and approaches to the cube. But one day we decided to take the cubing to a whole new level; we turned it into a competition. This competition gave us all an opportunity to express our passion towards the cube in a unique and challenging way. Even though I didn't win the competition I enjoyed doing the something that I love while being surrounded by a competitive atmosphere. It was really an experience to remember.

what do you think i think its a bit empty any suggestions please tell the truth and be harsh!
i will be more that willing to help you with your essay

Undergraduate / 'Friday of Anger' - stanford supplement what matters to you essay [2]

i have written this essay please tell me what you think of it
thank you

In my relatively short life of seventeen years I have been through a lot of experiences. Some were good others were bad, but actually only a few of them were memorable as Friday, January 28th 2011 commonly known by some people as Friday of Anger. However, I wasn't from the millions who were protesting in Tahrir Square, or running for their lives from anti-riot police. On the contrary, I was sitting safely at home worriedly watching TV and hoping that everything will settle to a safe harbor. While I was watching the horrors that were taking place, I saw the headless body of a young man about the same age as myself lying by the side of the road ignored as if it was part of the asphalt. It was this scene that made me question my position amongst all this. It left me thinking whether this youth deserved to die this way just because he was demanding his right to be free? I didn't hesitate much when I decided that I should join the protestors in Tahrir. At this point I didn't know whether I was thinking rationally enough to take this decision or if I will return home safe. But to be honest I didn't care. After all, if others got to risk their lives then why should mine stay safe? Since then I started to value the voice that Tahrir Square has given me, the voice that I used to shout out the call of liberty and sing the national anthem in unison with millions of other proud Egyptian voices in Tahrir, the voice that brought an end to 30 years of tyranny, the voice that has retaliated for the death of hundreds of martyrs that have fallen while fighting for freedom. It made me capable of leaving a signature in this world and showed that my existence does matter after all. I believe that this voice will help me fight for a change. A change that will in turn result in a better world, country and future for my kids. This is what Tahrir Square taught me and this is why my voice matters to me so much.

Undergraduate / 'quirky sense of humor and creative pranks' - caltech supplement [3]

i have written this essay for the caltech supplement
prompt Caltech students have long been known for their quirky sense of humor and creative pranks. Please describe an unusual way in which you have fun.

If I am not finding derivatives for higher order polynomial functions or drawing Lewis structures of complex chemical compounds; I go to the kitchen, grab a pot and just throw in it whatever I find suitable. I have always enjoyed cooking. It is where all my creativity and passion condense into one thing, the dish that I am preparing. However, I know my cooking is probably mediocre compared to that of professional chefs from fancy restaurants. I understand; I am not Jacques Pépin after all. Nevertheless, the flamboyant delicacies they cook can't compare to my food. It's simply mind-blowing to get to eat something that you have put that much effort in preparing that it becomes more like a reward than a dish. It might not taste as great as that in a restaurant, but I don't care. It has something that will easily make up for that "overcooked onion" or "extra pinch of salt"; it has the taste of my hard work. This is why my cooking is so special to me.

as mostly everyone will probably write about the pranks and stuff i thougt about writing something unique by focusing on the second part "unuasal way you have fun" and staying away from the prank part. what do you think? please comment and be harsh!!