mendoza123
Jan 2, 2012
Undergraduate / ' New Schools, New Me' - Common App Essay #5 [8]
If you guys could help revise my essay i would really appreciate it. Anything that seems wrong, any additions , deletions etc are helpful. Also don't worry about being to harsh with the criticism, i think that it would help a lot.
5. A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
Essay- 474 words
New Schools, New Me
As first generation Chicano, it has always been important for me to work hard so I could become the first member of my family to have a college education. I recognize that my parents had to make many sacrifices to come to this country and start all over. When I was young I attended a catholic elementary school which was diverse in its students but not in religion. We followed a strict catholic view on life and our work revolved on that view. Entering my sixth grade year, my parents told me that we had to move to a new city and that I would be attending a public school. I felt devastated, a little angry, but most of all I was scared. I was going to leave all my friends behind that I had known for years but what scared me the most was enrolling in a Public School. There was not much left for me to do except to learn to adapt to my new environment. As soon as I entered P.S. 27 it was as if I entered a new world. It was nothing like the catholic school I attended, this was much more diverse in almost every aspect. The classes were very decorative and displayed more liberal art, the teachers were male and female and not nuns which I was accustomed to, and there were people of all races and religions. My transition into this new school was hard at first but it proved to be worth it in the end. I made new friends who came from various backgrounds and with different personalities from what I had previously seen. I learned from my friends and they learned from me.
Having a unique experience of changing schools during a crucial time in a growing teenager's life has given me a very helpful insight on what to expect in the future. I carried my old customs with me into my new school and left with a more mature view of the world with a desire to tackle the next stage in my adolescent life which was High School. High School was like changing schools all over again, but this time I was ready and knew what to expect. I was nervous at first but I was also determined incorporate what I learned into my high school experience and make a change within the high school itself. I entered more clubs, participated in community service, took music classes, made different kinds of friends and became involved in my school. Everything I have done was to prepare me for college in order to make the best of what is to come. I am ready to take the next big step in my life and I am certain that my experiences will contribute to the diversity of the college life.
If you guys could help revise my essay i would really appreciate it. Anything that seems wrong, any additions , deletions etc are helpful. Also don't worry about being to harsh with the criticism, i think that it would help a lot.
5. A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
Essay- 474 words
New Schools, New Me
As first generation Chicano, it has always been important for me to work hard so I could become the first member of my family to have a college education. I recognize that my parents had to make many sacrifices to come to this country and start all over. When I was young I attended a catholic elementary school which was diverse in its students but not in religion. We followed a strict catholic view on life and our work revolved on that view. Entering my sixth grade year, my parents told me that we had to move to a new city and that I would be attending a public school. I felt devastated, a little angry, but most of all I was scared. I was going to leave all my friends behind that I had known for years but what scared me the most was enrolling in a Public School. There was not much left for me to do except to learn to adapt to my new environment. As soon as I entered P.S. 27 it was as if I entered a new world. It was nothing like the catholic school I attended, this was much more diverse in almost every aspect. The classes were very decorative and displayed more liberal art, the teachers were male and female and not nuns which I was accustomed to, and there were people of all races and religions. My transition into this new school was hard at first but it proved to be worth it in the end. I made new friends who came from various backgrounds and with different personalities from what I had previously seen. I learned from my friends and they learned from me.
Having a unique experience of changing schools during a crucial time in a growing teenager's life has given me a very helpful insight on what to expect in the future. I carried my old customs with me into my new school and left with a more mature view of the world with a desire to tackle the next stage in my adolescent life which was High School. High School was like changing schools all over again, but this time I was ready and knew what to expect. I was nervous at first but I was also determined incorporate what I learned into my high school experience and make a change within the high school itself. I entered more clubs, participated in community service, took music classes, made different kinds of friends and became involved in my school. Everything I have done was to prepare me for college in order to make the best of what is to come. I am ready to take the next big step in my life and I am certain that my experiences will contribute to the diversity of the college life.