Posts by awaqar714

awaqar714

Feb 11, 2012

Undergraduate / 'learning to official terms' - Common App Transfer Extra Curriculars [6]

TASK: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum). \

My Response-
I have been working at AK Food Mart is my fathers convenient store and gas station. I have been working there for almost 9 years. I really enjoy working there even though I started working there just to help my father out and soon I began take over more and more responsibility when I started high school I began to also work there almost 25-40 hours a week most of them on the weekends. Business wasn't good enough for us at the time afford another employee so we had to the best. I was skipping school a lot and messed all my grades and just didn't pay attention to it because I had no plans to attend college. During this process I missed out on my high school years I didn't go to prom or my senior trip because I had to work. Shouldn't I be I was getting 250 dollars a week with no bills to worry about. I learned a lot working there met a lot of people at 16 I was in a sense running my own business I had a lot of responsibilities there like doing all the banking and managing the inventory and managing the employees. Every time I'm sitting in class in college now and my professors are taking about accounting, management and human resources I feel I'm just learning to official terms for it because I know and have practiced a lot of the stuff.

Any suggestions and judgments welcome PLEase help and suggestion guys
and THANK YOU VERY MUCH

awaqar714

Feb 23, 2012

Undergraduate / Peer2Peer study group/My interests in transfering CommonApp Essays [4]

i think that you have a lot of run on sentenaces the question is why you want to transfer but you talking about cold night you on your computer just say what you have to say in the least amount efficiently and effectively

awaqar714

Feb 23, 2012

Undergraduate / 'learning to official terms' - Common App Transfer Extra Curriculars [6]

dumi
THANK YOU VERY MUCH I REALY APPRECIATE ALL THE HELP can I send you some money through Paypal or something and can i help me edit a couple of other essay i can send you the money first. I'm am a horrible writer but a great student i need this for my transfer common app

awaqar714

Feb 23, 2012

Research Papers / How to write a good thesis statement on Gay Adoption . [4]

Well, your thesis is going to depend on your introduction; it should flow from it. But assuming you can handle that transition, and you're going to address the key points you put below, I think this might work as a thesis (provided that in the prior sentences, you address the ideas of gay parents affecting their children):

But in light of the fact that parental sexual orientation doesn't affect children's mental development, allowing so many children to wait to be adopted or go to foster care is not only irresponsible, but even harmful.

You then go on to prove or provide evidence for why gay parenting won't affect children, a paragraph on the need of children (with some statistics on why foster care is so apparently unhealthy), and finally your conclusion that because it's not bad, and so many kids need adoption, we ought be pro-gay adoption.

Hope that helps!

awaqar714

Feb 23, 2012

Undergraduate / 'maximized any and all opportunities' - Common App Transfer Essay [3]

Objective- Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.
Note: The Common Application essay should be the same for all colleges. Members that wish to review custom essay responses will request them on their Supplement form.

Your essay will appear on a separate sheet at the end of the application.

I THINK I TIRED TOO HARD AND MESSED IT UP PLEASE GUYS ANY ADVICE AND SUGGESTIONS CRITICIZE IT OR ANY WAYS TO CHANGE IT

Starting my college career off at Monroe community college was second chance. my lackluster performance in high school led me to this. You know how to saying goes. Throughout high school I was a horrible student I did nothing-skipped class, didn't do my homework didn't study. Part of it was because of my immaturity and the other is I had no intentions of going to college. I began working for my father since the summer before high school. I was getting trouble. Staying out late and just hanging out with the wrong crowd. So my dad put me to work at his grocery store. As I progressed through high school became my second priority. I believed that I never really needed school since my father was a high school drop out from a third world country (Pakistan). My dad used to tell how he left home at the tender age of 16 to go aboard to make a living for him and his family. He used tell me a lot of stories about Pakistan about how he grew up in a twenty foot by twenty foot room with him and his 7 brothers .These stories never had any affect on me because I was in high school and more worried about this weekend's big party or who's KD ratio is better on call of duty. After I limped out of high school I wanted to go on a vacation since I didn't have any thing else to do. I wanted to go visit my cousins in England but my parents decided that a trip to Pakistan would be best for me. The trip has had a big impact on the person I am today it is what defines me. I think that my life can be divided into two parts, the one is before my trip to Pakistan, and the other one is after that trip. In Pakistan, I stayed with my maternal uncle and helped manage his ranch. Staying there was a very interesting experience. I would wake in this huge bungalow and as long as I would stay inside I would never know that I am in a third-world country. However, every time I would step outside or even out to the balcony. Straightaway, I would notice a drastic transformation in the scenery.

Nearly every house, not within the boundaries of my uncle's estate, looked as if it belonged in a shantytown. It was a truly disheartening moment as it was difficult for me to fathom the notion that beside this opulent bungalow lay the homes of hundreds of impoverished individuals. I started to remember the stories my father used to tell about him and his brothers.. I thought for a moment about how if my dad hadn't come to the US I could have been on of those people in those raggedy dwellings. In that instance, my perception of not just affluence but of life, in general, altered. I would commence an enthused approach to my studies and not flounder as I had done throughout my high school career. I know that I can live comfortably of my dads grocery store and hes is planning to buy another one but I don't think I can help others that is why I started to pursue my education and strated taking my education seriously no for me . I mend my ways and changed so I can help people . I enrolled in MCC two weeks before classes started and learned a lot here now it time for me to move on and .

My father was utterly precise in that this sojourn would help me find my own niche; I enrolled at Monroe Community College (MCC) in the fall of 2010 and put my education first to none. Ever since, I have been striving to maximize every opportunity and become someone one who can aid and bring relief to others and have a positive impact on the life of others. Although I am a business major, I see using my tutelage in the business world as a strait to find my own individuality as someone who can stimulate and catalyze change in all facets of life. I feel I have maximized any and all opportunities that MCC has offered me; it is time for me to move on and find a more viable platform to accomplish both my personal and educational goals. While MCC is a great institution, it can't assist me in further developing myself, hence the reason for me applying to a four-year university and not continuing my studies at MCC.

awaqar714

Feb 29, 2012

Undergraduate / 'maximized any and all opportunities' - Common App Transfer Essay [3]

I CHANGED IT CAN LOOK THIS OVER PLEASE DUE TOMORROW THANK YOU

Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.  Note: The Common Application essay should be the same for all colleges. Members that wish to review custom essay responses will request them on their Supplement form.

Your essay will appear on a separate sheet at the end of the application

When I was in High School, I never really applied myself and therefore my grades suffered tremendously. Truth is, I never had any intention of pursuing a tertiary education and my immature thinking had led me to believe that I had already learned all that I needed to know. I knew that I would be the heir to my Father's grocery store and felt that I was destined to be just that. High school had always been my second priority. I often found myself having to work late at night and unable to wake up the following day for school. This is when I dropped the ball so to speak. It was a sort of snowball effect that soon became an avalanche and then I had pretty much given up all together on furthering my education. I did however still manage to graduate from high school and quickly became the Manager of my father's store. At first, everything seemed to be going really well. I had everything I wanted; or so I had thought. A few months later I had an epiphany. I had seen myself doing this same tedious job day in and day out, for the rest of my life. Instantly I knew that I needed to make a change in my life! I needed something better for both my family and myself. I knew that I had plenty of potential and motivation, now it was just a matter of what to do with all of that. So, I decided to enroll myself at Monroe Community College (MCC) in the fall of 2010. Before I attended any classes, I had made a promise to myself that I would pursue my studies wholeheartedly and not allow any outside influences to change that. I told myself that I was not going to spend the rest of my life wasting away at my father's grocery store. Even with the knowledge that it would someday be mine, I knew that I needed much more than that. To my surprise, my father was thinking the same thing. He knew that I needed my own identity and even offered to assist me in achieving my dreams. Ever since, I have been striving to achieve my goals. Currently, I am a business major and I intend to keep working towards a Master's Degree in Business Administration. MCC has been such a great experience for me and I feel it has truly prepared me for the next challenge in my life; that being a four year University. I have spent the last several semesters teaching myself to be more studious through new and improved study habits as well as practical applications in the classroom. I can now honestly say that I am more than equipped to handle the demanding structure of University life. Therefore, it is now time for me to move forward with my educational goals and transfer to a college or university that can provide the necessary ingredients for my future success.

awaqar714

Feb 29, 2012

Undergraduate / 'learning to official terms' - Common App Transfer Extra Curriculars [6]

DUE TOMMROW PLEAES HELP I DID MY BEST PLEAE HEP AND THANK YOU

Tell us what you'd like to major in at Cornell and why, how your past academic or work experience influenced your decision, and how transferring to Cornell would further your academic interests

Since I was a young man, I have always found myself attracted to the allure of running my own business. This wasn't because of the money or the power. Not even the prestigious status that I may be able to one day attain through it. Rather, I found myself drawn toward its principles, strategies and ethics. To me a business is like a well-oiled machine. It's intricate, yet simple. However, if just one of its many parts is not in sync with the others, it could result in a catastrophe. That is where I find myself; overseeing this well-oiled machine that is a business and to assist in its day to day functions. I would also like to have the chance to someday build my own machine from the ground up. In order for me to achieve this, I know that I need the best education possible and that is where Cornell comes in with its Applied Economics and Management Department. Business has become so important not only to myself but to the entire world. For the most part, our planet has become a capitalist society and in order to succeed in this type of a society, one needs an abundant amount of knowledge and understanding. I hope to someday have just that; knowledge and understanding of applied economics and business management. Because, what has captivated me most of all is that a business has the ability to change the world and in turn affect the lives of those around us. I managed to form my first business at the tender age of 9 years old. I would sell stickers to the kids in my class while in third grade. I then began selling Compact Disc's (music CD's) that I would reproduce on my computer at home. My parents tell me that even before this I had been very business minded and would always come up with a new idea to make some money. Once I was a bit older, I began working for my Father at his grocery store in Rochester, New York. I learned so much about the inner and outer workings of running a successful business that I was captivated from that day forward. I knew that business and economics was definitely something that I would want to pursue. By the time I was 16 years old, I had pretty much taken over my father's store and assumed that I was well on my way to becoming a successful business owner. I had already mastered (or so I thought) Human Resources, Customer Relations, Accounting, Marketing, Planning and Managing within a grocery store/gas station environment. It had always been my plan to permanently take over the family business after completing high school. I knew that it would be a good source of income for me as I had already become a successful operations manager. However, I soon found myself wanting so much more out of life and would often dream of running an international corporation. However, I knew that I could never achieve this without a strong formal education to back up what I have already learned. Because, today's global environment makes it necessary for us to gain both knowledge and experience in our chosen professions. In the fall of 2010, I set out on my path towards becoming a business guru. I began my journey locally with Monroe Community College, wherein I was able to hone my skills as a student once again. I wanted to begin my career with a community college because I knew could not afford the high costs off attending a university or private college for six straight years. By studying at MCC first, I have developed into a very studious individual. Now, it is time for me to move on to something bigger and better. MCC has taught me a lot, however being only a 2 year school; they can no longer provide me with the education needed to achieve my goals. While researching possible schools to attend, I came across some wonderful information regarding Cornell and the programs they offer. The way I see it, Cornell is the only school that can provide me with the level of knowledge and expertise that is required in my chosen field of study. The beauty of business is that it can change the lives of the people influenced by it and I know that Cornell would give me the opportunity to do the same.

awaqar714

Oct 5, 2013

Graduate / Masters in Quant Financial Economics - Personal Statement - Oklahoma State University [3]

You should certainly mention that taking a few modules in finance sparked a genuine enthusiasm for this subject. You have to really decide in your own mind why you are attracted to finance and try to convey this in an honest way. Are there any particular companies that impress you- if so- research them and include some of this content e.g. I am impressed by how X approaches the aspect of Y and I am looking forward to learning more about this element during my studies.

Does the master's course involve an independent project, if so, what would you like to study. And finally include something about the finance department you are applying to- are they involved in research, do they have any particular strengths that you say attracted you to apply to them.

At the end make sure you get a friend or relative to check over you statement. If you don't trust anyone try a company such as Editangels who will only charge a few pounds/dollars for the service. They have great free advice on personall statements also so visit their website.

awaqar714

Oct 5, 2013

Undergraduate / As a child, I never appreciated school ; Florida State University [3]

well first, don't ever, EVER start a essay with "I learned many things after reading this book such as..." That is one thing that will take down your grade girl. It depends on how you write your paper, but you can start it with, "This book has influenced me to... OR "This book has opened my eyes to... Or maybe you just want to be simple and say "'The Secret Under my Skin' was a book that enlightened me to..." Try and be unique with the first line, it is really important that's its really good.

Now for the topic part, i personally wouldn't use what you had. It is very bland. Again, make the last sentence unique, a big BANG at the end, you know? So maybe you can say "After reading 'The Secret Under my Skin', I acquired the idea of...(and what ever idea you had). The part of the book that influenced this idea is (explain the part in detail) because..." Now see, doesn't that look a lot better and more tasteful?

Remember, when ever you try to write an essay, make it fun and unique, not bland and boring.
I hoped i helped

awaqar714

Oct 5, 2013

Graduate / I factored in a lot of things when I made my decision ; MS Accounting Personal Statement [3]

Briefly describe your career objectives. Be as specific as you can concerning the types of positions and responsibility levels to which you aspire. Include short-term and long-term goals. Describe how you expect the MS program to help you achieve your goals. (Approximately 700 words.)

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My decision to apply to graduate school is one I had to think long and hard about, I had to make a decision to enter the job market this next May or continue my education and pursue a master's degree. I factored in a lot of things when I made my decision to apply but what really pushed me to apply was how much faster you could advance your career with a master's degree. I don't want to go out in the real and reach that point where the only thing that's holding me back from a promotion is that I don't have a master's degree. Also, with a master's degree you have many more career options versus a bachelor's degree.

Applying graduate school has been a very exciting and surreal experience for me. I am the first person in my family who went to college and made it this far. You can say that I ended up in college by chance, during high school I had no intentions to go to college and this showed by my grades and attendance. In high school I was a below average student with a 73 GPA and had to repeated a couple of courses in junior year. After I graduated high school I spent the summer doing some "soul searching" to figure what I wanted to do in life.

During this summer I worked at Matts Mart and met the store's accountant Ramesh Sihgjgla. Ramesh was a practicing CPA who operates his own firm Shjgla Accounting & Tax Services. I developed a strong relationship with Ramesh over the summer and he is the one who encouraged me to pursue a career in accounting and become a CPA. I had numerous talks with him about the profession and its rewards. With this in mind I applied for admission at Joes Community College (MCC) twelve days before the start of the semester to start my journey. After two years at JCC I transferred to University at Joes (UJ) further my pursuit of a bachelors degree in accounting.

At UJ I during my junior year I started researching on what exactly I want to in accounting. After having numerous talks with my professors and peers I developed a keen interest in audit and decided I wanted to become an auditor. My goal is to start my career at one of the Big 4 firms if presented the opportunity. I plan to stay at a Big 4 till I become a manager there and after that I would I like moving on to work for a smaller firm. I wanted stay in public accounting for 10-15 years so I can I have a strong background in the field and make sure I know all the ins and outs. After public accounting, I plan to start my own firm in my hometown Rochester New York where I plan to retire.

To achieve these goals the next step in my journey is getting into a reputable Master's Accounting program. I chose to apply to UJ's MS accounting program because UJ has become a second home for me and minus the weather; I believe it is a great environment for me to excel in. This program will help achieve the 150 Credit requirements for the CPA exam and it will provide me a solid education to help me pass the exam. I am hopeful I will be admitted in to this program and I plan to carry on the UJ brand.

awaqar714

Oct 6, 2013

Graduate / I factored in a lot of things when I made my decision ; MS Accounting Personal Statement [3]

THanks dumi do you think my grammar and punctuation in the rest of the essay is good that was my main concern