Writing Feedback / SAT essay-What gives us more pleasure and satisfaction? [3]

Please correct me on my grammer,ideas,explanations examples etc..and grade it on a scale of 1-6 with 6 being the highest!

Prompt:
Many societies believe that the pursuit of happiness is a fundamental human right. But it is also true that attainment of happiness remains elusive. Perhaps Bertrand Russell had it right when he said, "To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness."

Assignment:
What gives us more pleasure and satisfaction: the pursuit of our desires or the attainment of them? Plan your response, and then write an essay...

In my opinion it is the attainment of our desires which gives us maximum satisfaction. Granted, pursuit is beautiful; it teaches us a lot of lessons. However at the end it is the attainment of our desires which motivates us to climb further. It gives us the confidence and belief that yes, we are worth something! It gives us a further push into exploring new avenues which otherwise we wouldn't have considered.

I was in my 9th grade when I first decided to participate in public speaking. On my first attempt I failed drastically. I fumbled, forgot my phrases and felt humiliated in front of my peers. My friends tried consolidating me by appreciating the fact that I at least tried. But this was not enough for me. Students younger than me were doing a better job. I tried again, increasing my efforts this time. This time too I did not do any better. A sense of hopelessness and despair hovered over me. I gave up public speaking. However, my teacher noticed this and forced me to participate again. She guided me on my problem areas. Surprisingly, I won the 2nd prize in the completion. The applaud after my speech bolstered up my confidence again and the hopelessness was lost in a fraction of a second. This achievement gave me an incentive to carry on and eventually be a lead speaker at school.

Galileo for his entire life had an ugly pursuit.After stating the theory of heliocentirsm he was rejected from the society and banished from the state by the church.His family life suffered.He was criticized by everyone in the country during his entire lifetime.But the sole thing that kept him on was his sense of achievement. He did not bother about about what the society felt and continued opposing the church's believes.His attainment told the world a truth which was previously hidden.He carried on his researches and experiments despite of the suppression he faced because the sense of attainment for what he desired was too great for him to stop.It motivated him to do more.

Pleasure of attainment of your desires cannot be substituted for anything. Its like the end result of your hard work, time and energy. If the outcome is not good it not only effects the confidence of the person but also his future actions. Failure too can have extreme implications on the persons state of mind.Hence, achievement makes much more difference to us than just trying and walking on the path without focusing on the milestone.

Writing Feedback / SAT essay-Do we put too much emphasis on self reliance and independence ? [2]

Do we put too much emphasis on self reliance and independence and are afraid of admitting that we need other people in our lives?

Please grade on a scale of 1-6.I would love suggestions on grammer,structure,concept etc.

The industrialist world of today compels us to prove our self reliance and independence. Any sign of dependence or plea for help is seen as a sign of weakness and is taken advantage of. The other party establishes a sense of superiority over the weaker one and tends to take advantage of the situation. Therefore, we tend to protect our self esteem and may go on to forget the need of others and their value.

Even as a country we did so. India had an ugly colonial past. So after independence in 1947, it decided to close its economy through high tariffs and quotas on import. This was done to prevent any kind of interference by foreign countries and ensure freedom in decision making, which could be achieved in the absence of dependence. However, after four decades of its abject poverty, population explosion, lack of infrastructure and other problems it finally had to take a loan from IMF for 7 billion$ on the condition of opening up its economy . Since 1991, India saw globalisation and now holds huge foreign reserves and had also been benefitted by outsourcing various economic activities.A new interdependence was established. So we can infer from this that in an attempt of establishing independence and self reliance, isolation is not a solution as, ultimately, it may prove harmful for us .

It happened too a friend of mine too. As a talented painter and a good student she received various laurels in her school. Teachers, parents, students ; everyone seemed to praise her .It gave her a sense of pride that extended to unwarranted arrogance. This attitude reflected on her actions and drew her friends away from her. However, she did not mind this as she understood them to be jealous of her talent and decided that she could live without them. What she failed to realize was that it was the normal people including her friends who were responsible for her success. Had they not praised her talent,she wouldn't have been realized at all as a painter. Had they not encouraged her she wouldn't have improved. There wouldn't have been acknowledgment if it wasn't for the people in her life.

Even for a company to flourish, it needs people to like it and buy its products. Same goes for an actor whose success lies in the applause he receives after his performance or for a politician who needs public support and votes in order to win an election. As an individual he can be independent and self reliant in terms of money. However, one cannot undermine the importance of other human beings in their lives. The purpose could be any- sharing of emotions, need for a listener, help during hard times or just simple appreciation through a smile. One cannot survive alone in this world.

Undergraduate / 'competitive exams in India' - evaluate a significant experience [3]

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

It has been really a significant period of four years, class 9th onwards till I finalised to pursue the under graduation course in America and now in-process of applying to various universities. The time has been throughout dotted with little achievements and dilemmas. In class IX when I was on threshold of deciding what I had to become, which course to take and inching towards all sorts of academic pressures. Though by then I had already journeyed as an air pilot, astronaut, media, entrepreneur, finance executive and finally to none. But somewhere inside me seeds of commerce were being sown, I was growing-up in the financial capital of India, Mumbai.

Here deep impressions were also being formed about American education system through seniors, class mates, friends & family, and in-general. I gathered that the education system there allows you to explore, judge your strengths and weaknesses and use ones potential to maximum. With whatever assessment I had about self, natural alignment to it was very natural.

I am still terrified of sheer numbers of candidates for all competitive exams in India; here the ratio of college seat to students, is in thousands. Two years of ninth/tenth standards of junior school passed. There was lot of internal thought process going-on, dumping and then again re-evaluating. It became clear to me that I had to take commerce stream in my senior school and further go for college studies to USA after completion of schooling.

As I had decided for four years graduation course from America against the conventional Indian choice of post graduation courses, my parents though very pragmatic were not sure about this decision. I could understand that I shall be only eighteen plus when I actually leave home but migrating to another country was not a child's play. It was a tough call. However I was convinced though went through many sleepless nights and dilemmas, evaluating the decision and preparing self for the un-chartered waters.

With this confidence, in summer vacations after class X, I broached the subject with my parents. As expected, there were emotional outbursts, sheer no-no and so on. But I was not to give-in so easily, as I know I had supportive parents, as seen in my elder sister's turn. Finally I did prevail and what a tremendous feeling of achievement it gave. I found self more confident and wise and really wonder from where all that conviction and assuring talk came at that time from me.

There may be a school of thought propagating inherent risks involved in this decisions but I call them challenges and shall tackle them, if any, as they come along. Thus the last four years of mine have been a great experience, self evolving and worth sharing it with all.