Undergraduate / ' reaching every direction' - Michigan Personal statement- Econ/Business [4]

Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests? (500 words maximum)

I need some feedback and harsh criticism about every aspect of the essay in general. I am not the most talented essay writer. :X I'll be glad to help anyone else out as well.

Without a doubt, economics is the most powerful concept created by mankind. It is used to analyze everything existing in the entire universe. From finance and business to politics, economics is found everywhere because there is always scarcity and incentives created. It is considered more significant now more than ever due to the fiscal calamity and ongoing recession. Therefore, I want to study at the College of Literature, Sciences, and the Arts.

The Department of Economics offers wonderful opportunities to broaden my knowledge. The teaching and research encompasses a variety of fields which I am interested inïdevelopment economics, industrial organization, international economics, and public economics. This will surely help me discover how I want to apply my knowledge. In high school, I thrived best in hand-on activities. I benefit from collaboration and competition; from class presentations to science fairs to in class discussions, I have learned that from active experiences. I gain wisdom while reaping enjoyment and satisfaction. At LSA, I am glad that action based learning is emphasized. I will be able to learn not only through theory and analytical methods, but also by practical means and critical thinking. Through the internship program, I will be able to develop my social, leadership, and communication skills.

The quality of food is reflective upon the quality of earth and soil it is grown in. Likewise, the quality of people in Ann Arbor is reflective upon the environment. Ann Arbor is the hub of innovation and creativity. Ann Arbor is one of the best cities in the countries to work in; it provides limitless opportunities for internships, starting new businesses, or expanding old ones. The people here are hardworking, ambitious, and creative. Each year many people in Ann Arbor develop products which are able to change the world. The entrepreneurial spirit, intellectual leadership, and innovative ingenuity rub off onto the community. This is evidenced through the many successful businesses which have been founded in Ann Arbor such as Domino's Pizza, Border Book's Store, Urban Outfitters, and other myriad small businesses and regional chains.

In addition to this, many University of Michigan alumni have made their ideas a reality. Bill Davidson, an alumnus, took advantage of all the opportunities in Detroit. He became the owner many sports teamsïThe Detroit Pistons, Detroit Shocks, Detroit Vipers, and Detroit Fury. He was also the president of Guardian Industries. Tom Monaghan, a graduate of University of Michigan, persevered through much adversity through his life to made Domino's Pizza a powerful business. Even Larry Page, the co-founder of Google, went to University of Michigan.

The University of Michigan Ann Arbor is where I can make my dreams a reality. Ann Arbor is city of novelty which proliferates economics ideas and inspires businessmen generation after generation. This city and university will shape me into a greater person than I can ever hope to be. This is the place where my thoughts will multiply, my mind will surpass all limits, and my consciousness will reach every direction. So please, help me take my first step to success.

Undergraduate / Northwestern Personal Statement- wrote about tour and interest in econ. [4]

What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

I would love feedback on every aspect of this essay -- main idea, how I'm portraying myself, grammar,etc. be harsh with the criticism!

When I approached Northwestern University in Evanston, the setting reminded me of my hometown-San Jose. Evanston is similar to San Jose and it borders a truly magnificent city, Chicago. San Jose borders the beautiful city of San Francisco. Although I live in San Jose, I take much enjoyment in my time at San Francisco. The favorable weather, friendly people, fun activities, and even the festivities all make this city a wonderful place. Chicago reminded me of San Francisco and Evanston felt like a home away from home.

Going into Northwestern, many students were unsure of what to study or if the school would support their academic interests. However, they discovered no matter how crazy a request or idea they had Northwestern strived to make it a reality. One student I met had the chance to study two entirely different majors which were Russian Literature and journalism. Everyone acted supportive and encouraging about what others pursued. This attracted me to Northwestern because I felt assured that everyone would be given the tools to succeed. This university promotes distinction and would never come close to compromising one's academic wishes.

I met a student, Matt, who said that the night before an organic chemistry exam he was unable to figure out how to solve a problem. Matt emailed his professor at 10 P.M. and his professor offered to hold an online tutoring session via Skype at midnight. I never knew a professor could act so friendly and helpful to a student. Most teachers at my high school would take days to respond to brief emails, yet this Northwestern professor took time during a late night to help a student in need.

My tour guide, Chris, referred Northwestern as "our university", its students as "our students" and its professors as "our professors. By doing so, Chris indicated that at Northwestern there is a sense of belongingness. He told me that the small and comprehensive class size yielded many benefits. Students are able to develop deep relationships with peers and professors. This especially appealed to me because my academic needs could be accommodated more easily.

I learned practically all of Northwestern students were involved in extracurricular activities. There were boundless options from club sports to theatre to musical groups. I am a basketball player and marching band member who would love to continue these activities in college.

At the end of my tour, I asked about the economics department in Weinberg College. I learned that professors tailor to fulfill student wishes. Chris is an economics major and he leaned toward the social policy world of economics. However, I hope to go towards the investment banking route. I found out that classes start out big during freshman year, but drop down to around twenty people a class sophomore or junior year because students can create their own curriculum. Moreover, students can receive internship opportunities from professors. I was pleasantly surprised when Chris told me dozens of his classmates got internships at J.P. Morgan and Goldman Sachs.

During summer, I traveled to Chicago to see if Northwestern were a college I would like to apply to. However, now it is the college I want to go to. This school would satisfy my academic interests and help reinforce strong moral character and growth, not to mention be an enjoyable place. Northwestern surpassed my expectations. With an inexhaustible number of resources and opportunities, the possibilities for achievement are endless. The philosophy resonates with me; designed to cater to students' needs and help them discover their genuine passion in life and embrace their individuality. Northwestern provides a unique, well rounded, and constructive environment which I would certainly take advantage of. This is the place where I can fulfill my goals and follow my passion. I hope to see a lot of purple in my near future.