Undergraduate / 'We are different' - Quest Bridge Diversity Essay [4]

QUESTBRIDGE APPLICATION ESSAY
Please go through my essay. It's 498 words, not much. Check if there are statements or points that you think I should add, remove, improve or emphasize. I would like if you can give me an appropriate topic. I answered the latter option of the prompt.

Essay Prompt:
Describe an experience that illustrates how you would bring diversity in a college community or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you. (500 word limit)

I was doing a practical on different sets of earthworms and comparing their negative phototropic behaviors, I watched each earthworm repeatedly react to the presence of light by retreating to their burrows. I got frustrated and bored while expecting one of them to continue moving irrespective of the light. They were all doing the same thing; unsurprisingly. Not one of the 23 earthworms was going to cheat nature by doing something different. I was bored because they had all acted similarly. They did not act alike because they were all pink rather it was their innate trait to avoid light.

Likewise, we are diverse not just because we are of different races or ethnicities; rather we are different because our spirit, mind and body develop reactions based on our peculiar experiences, passion, ideas and beliefs.

Nevertheless, I imagined our world like those earthworms'; filled with people that behaved like me: Everybody was a geek like me and tried to make others understand that geeks are not the unsocial, non-mainstream 'weirdoes' who are overly obsessed with intellectual pursuits, creating a complex lifestyle for themselves instead of enjoying the social thrills of our world, but they are just regular people who choose not to conform to the traditional norms but concentrate on personal skills and imagination, and have a special interest in academics and/or computers. Everybody, like me, loved beginning every conversation with dry humor and talked with occasional sarcasm. Everybody loved to do brain-tasking challenges like Sudoku and crossword puzzles for recreation. What would happen to dress-up games? Everybody read with most of their time or spent extra time in laboratories doing 'further' experiments trying to satisfy curiosity. Then there would not be jocks that spend more time on sports. Everybody was very proud of who they were and always believed in an ever-existent brighter side. Our world would not have low self-esteemed people or pessimists. Everybody dressed casual, trendy, urban and business styles. Nobody would don retro, vintage, gothic or cyber outfits. Everybody took non-alcoholic drinks or did not gamble. There would not be pubs or casinos. Everybody loved listening to pop, gospel and hip-hop. Elvis Presley might have just sung soul music. Everybody is just a dark-skinned, middle class, Nigerian who is 185cm and weighs 86kg with a fairly pointed nose, full lips and a dimple on his left cheek. There would not be criteria for fat, thin, short, tall and other words of judgment; no human relativity.

However, my earthworms' practical made me treasure life as it contains the essential diverse personalities that add zing to our globe. A world similar to those earthworms' would be bland. I am not just a college applicant. I am a college candidate. I offer perspectives, beliefs or ideas that no one shares; just like my essay, I am unique. I bring myself who is much different from the contemporary American or African and has a lot to add to the college community.

THANKS AS YOU HELP CRITICIZE THE WORK!!!

Scholarship / 'I redesigned my algorithms' - Questbridge Essay [2]

Quest Bridge Essay #3
Pls, the essay could do a lot more with revisions and structure. It needs shortening as it is about 45 words above the mark. I would love constructive criticisms on it and know what to scrap and what to improve. I would also want an appropriate title. Please see if you return your critique before the end of tomorrow (Friday). Thanks as you review!!!

Essay Prompt:

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement or risk you have taken and its impact on you.

(500 word limit)

"ESSAY TOPIC"*
3 hours of sleep each day seemed to be enough for the most hectic week of my life. I had committed myself totally to my ROBOLAB project which was to make an RCX LEGO robot self-drive along a winding black track. I had accepted it voluntarily because it involved robots and programming but I did not envisage it would prove more challenging than the teacher had said. The black on white track was my adversary while the program, my weapon. The computer room had become another dormitory for me as I battled cold and accumulated fatigue; my eyelids resisted closing. The entire school was a silent, chilly graveyard; not a soul awake this night.

Whereas, sitting in front of the computer, I keenly looked at every step, every little detail on the algorithm chart, crosschecking with my newest draft. It was exact. I downloaded the program into the RCX and positioned it at the start of the track. I had repeated these steps over sixty times. I felt I had to get it right this time and I pressed 'run' as usual. The RCX started moving; it ran the straight track down but as it got to the bend, it did not turn right and missed the track completely. At this time, I was completely perplexed and frustrated by the whole project. As I pulled out my handkerchief to dry my sweaty face, a piece of paper fell out. I picked it up and nearly tore it in exasperation while trying to open it. I had written it days ago during my meditation and it said, "In all human affairs there are efforts, and there are results, and the strength of effort is the measure of the results.-James Allen"

Frankly, my readers might think it is fantasy but it had just happened to me. With new inspiration, I assertively told myself that I was not going to fail because giving up would mean I had accepted failure. I was going to try again and again until I succeeded. Unfortunately, I still could not do it. I kept failing over and over again up to about ten more drafts. I sat down, totally pensive, thinking of how it was going to work. No matter how hard this proved to be, I was dogged and persistent till I solved it. Then, like Archimedes shouted "Eureka" when he discovered the Archimedes Principle, I screamed something in and incredible spirit as an idea I felt convinced was my solution, sprung in my head.

Without delay, I instantly redesigned my algorithms; I didn't need a draft as my plan seemed to flow seamlessly through to the cursor. Everything just wanted to work. I repeated my 'preparation' steps enthusiastically. I pressed 'run' and that was it; with lightening speed, the RCX zoomed through all the twists easily and maintained the black track. As I watched this happen, rivulets of tears streamed down my cheeks; I was tremendously happy. I felt fulfilled because I overcame the challenge but it was sheer determination and resilience that kept me going. Since then, it has been my principle to strive diligently, persevering till the very end, knowing in my mind that my results are measured based on the strength of my efforts.

Thanks, I hope to see your critique!!!!