Undergraduate / 'My grades and class rank > ACT scores' - Yale essay [6]

Hello, everyone I hope everyone is fine. I am writing the Yale supplement and it would me alot to me if someone could review this essay. The Topic of the essay is :

In this second essay, please reflect on something you would like us to know about you that we might not learn from the rest of your application-or on something that you would like to say more about. We ask that you limit your essay to fewer than 500 words.

My esssay :

I believe my grades and my class rank speak louder than my ACT scores. My grades and class rank each year reflect the effort that I put into my classwork and school work every day. In the past three years of my high school career I have tried to maintain my G.P.A and class rank. During these years I would work until 11 P.M. and finish all my homework or study for an exam without any interruptions. I tried to manage my time and work very hard to have a high G.P.A. As you know nothing in life comes easy, but when I took the ACT I was quite shocked when I received my scores. I knew I could achieve higher than an 18 but when I retook the exam I got the same score. I was saddened to see the score I earned but I knew an exam like the ACT shouldn't interfere with achieving my ultimate goal- to major in pre medicine and become a doctor. This test doesn't mean the people who scored lower can't achieve anything. In our world today we can't judge anyone's personality based on their appearance. We would have to get to know the person very well to know who they truly are. The ACT is just one day, while my grades and class rank is a reflection of my every day achievement and hard work. . I believe grades and class rank should speak louder because in college we will need to strive to maintain our G.P.A, we will need to put effort into our classwork and hard work to get a degree or to become something in life.

What does the ACT measure? The Act measures a student's ability to perform University- level work and requires that they use skills to solve the problems. However a student can score very well on the ACT and still not go to college weather its financial reasons or if they are a drop out. I know the ACT measures a student's ability but it does not measure their capability to become and accomplish something in life. I understand it is a requirement to get a 30 or higher to be get admission in your school but in general it takes effort and hard work to attain something in life not a test score ; and this is what I did in high school. Maintaining myself including my G.P.A even in tough times such as my father going back to his country and since my mom does not speak English well it was extremely hard for me to come back late for school after my activities. However, I have learned our struggles make us stronger and fuel our desire to pursue our passion. In my life, I have faced many challenges and overcome these obstacles with poise and confidence. These life lessons enable me to find success on this new journey I hope to embark.

I know some of you guys might wonder why i chose to write about this topic. Actually and honestly I know Yale is one of the top Univerisities and they highly look at the ACT scores. I really need someone to read this and tell me honestly what you guys think. I dont mind hearing criticism because I want it to be the best. Thank You sooo Much

Undergraduate / 'Encouraging and supporting parents' - Princeton Supplement [2]

Hello, How are you guys? I am working on my princeton Supplement and i need some advice on getting my essay to flow correctly. I am not finished yet so the one I am posting is just my rough draft. The Topic is Tell us about a person who has influenced you in a significant way. 500 words

My father is my inspiration and he has influenced me in many ways. Such as in our family we are all four girls and many people in my family back home believe females cannot achieve the same as males. However my parents have always stated they are blessed to have girls, but I feel depressed when I hear negativity from a person because of my gender .My father works all day to provide for my mother, my sisters, and myself. Due to his hard work, my sisters and I have had more educational and career opportunities than my mother or him. My father's confidence in me has always led me to gain strength and encouragement. These respectable qualities of my parents have inspired me to fulfill their dreams.

My father's encouragement has pushed me to find success and prove my critics wrong. I still remember the day when my own grandmother had said to my father "your girls won't be able to achieve anything" . This statement shattered me I wasn't aware at that time that my grandmother would think of me and my sisters like that. However my dad said to his mother "My girls will be able to achieve something and become something in life". When I heard the statement I had tears in my eyes because it showed how much my dad loved me and his praise meant so much to me . I was hurt at that time because not just my grandmother but my relatives had diminished my hopes. But due to my father I have come this far and will keep on going because I need to prove to some people I will accomplish something in my life.

My parent have always supported me and encouraged me ; I would not be the person I am today without them, and I want to do all I can to return their loving support.

I dont like how the essay starts , it just doesnt catch attention. If someone gave me honest advice it would so much to me because i really want my essay to be great. Thank You

Writing Feedback / moving to America when I was three as the biggest struggle - personal statement [2]

Hi guys it would be very helpful if you guys could help me with my personal statement. I am rewriting it all over again because i wasn't satisfied at all. I need help with the beginning . I am just stuck i really don't know how to start out. I need something that is kind of catchy like " As i went up the stage ". Also I want to talk about me being in the National Honor Society , how my parents dreams are desire to fulfill because they came from very poor families and their parents couldn't pay for their education. So I want to their goals are my goals. It would really mean allot to me if you guys could help me. I am posting my personal statement that I did not like . Please I really need some advice and i would really appreciate if you could give me some advice. Thank You

The biggest struggle I have faced in my young life so far was moving to America when I was three years old. The people, the environment, and the way of life were unfamiliar to me. On the outside I showed that I could adapt to this new environment. However, inside me, my fears continued to build up, to the extent that for one year I did not speak to anyone. I have never been in a place with so many different cultures of people, as the US. People spoke different languages, dressed differently, ate different food, well everything was completely different than Pakistan, where I called home. One day, hope diminished my fears when a teacher said to me, "Memona, you have an opportunity in front of you, and you must use this opportunity to fulfill your dreams." This message inspired me to have confidence in myself and to pursue my dreams. .

As life goes on, I have learned many things from my struggles. For instance, in fourth- grade I received a D on my report card. When I saw the grade, I was so devastated. In my heart, I knew I would be able to persevere, but my mind was telling me that I was not smart enough to achieve and be successful in school in the US. I knew I must accept the grades and feedback earned, but hard-work would help me improve. In many stages of my life, my own relatives have put me down, but I must prove them wrong. For example, in my family is made up of four girls. In the Middle East many people believe females cannot achieve the same as males. However, my parents' support and faith has led me to become a successful person. With my parents' unconditional love and support, they have encouraged me to attend college. Today, their dreams are my goals. If I do not hold myself to rigorous expectations and goals on a daily basis, my dreams will never become a reality.

High school began a new chapter in my life. It was an experience that reassured me of my academic capabilities. Through diligence and determination I have risen to the top of my high school class. I did need to learn one hard lesson, do not to let anyone take advantage of you. During my freshman class I remember completing an extended response for my Algebra class. I did all my work; however, someone asked if they could see my answers. The student copied down my work. The teacher knew I was the one who did the assignment and I earned full credit. This incident taught me a lesson I will never forget. I cannot let people take advantage of the hard work I put forth. Overcoming challenges by being strong and achieving success such as earning an A in my first A.P class in high school, has helped build my confidence. I expect that if I approach college in the same manner I did high school; I will not only grow academically but also as a person.

In my opinion, in life, we must struggle to achieve what we desire. Our struggles make us stronger and fuel our desire to pursue our passion. In my life, I have faced many challenges and overcome these obstacles with poise and confidence. These life lessons enable me to find success on this new journey I embark. I want to attend college and major in a medical-related field. I was inspired to become a doctor from one of my elementary school field trips. We went to a live heart transplant surgery. I have also volunteered at Weiss Memorial Hospital in the surgery center helping patients, wearing the surgery uniform and going inside and ordering the materials needed for surgery. This experience has further inspired me to become a doctor. Many people cannot afford healthcare; I want to help the world and provide affordable healthcare to people in need. I am determined to achieve my ambitions. Throughout many obstacles, my greatest attribute is my persistence and resilience. There are many opportunities set ahead of me, and I am determined to make the most of every moment.