Undergraduate / I waged war against myself / Amherst Supplement: Overcoming Difficulties [5]

"I waged war against myself. Every part of my being was considered as inferior, a shade of musty dusk in a barrel of sanguine sunflowers. Torn and ripped was my shield as I trudged through the trampled path of Life while the people I considered my superiors waited on the other side of the spiked fence that I could not cross. Adolescence struck me hard and peer pressure raided into my ramshackle mind, but no one knew I was on the other side. I watched longingly at others with their riches and velvet locks and thought how hapless I am with my stout nose and ordinary means. I was far from looking like those people. I was an ugly duckling.

But I could not hide in my shadow forever. I soon learned how to foster my innate power to reason and how to use it to reclaim the rightful sense of my mind; this time, I wasn't alone. Once I cut down the fence of defense, those people on the other side stretched out their hands and welcomed me on board, occasionally tipping off some stories of how they themselves crossed over. See yourself the way you want to be seen, they told me. Though I am still the girl with the stout nose and limited resources, the demeanor of myself has changed. I have learned to have more confidence in myself. Now, as people often describe me, I have risen like a lotus amidst the stagnant water and am embracing company of those people who are no longer my superiors but my friends. I was my own worst enemy and I, with the support of friends and family, have overcome the obstacles and achieved victory. Just like William Hastie stated, difficulties do not always end in defeat and once defeated, they are all the more worthwhile because of the struggles faced."

I was trying to show how I've overcome low self-esteem. Did that message get across? The word limit is 300 words. and right now I have 312. Can you help me shorten it? And please check my grammar, clarity, anything. My friend told me to emphasize more on the "Difficulty" since it's the topic. Can you give me any advice on how to? The dealine's soon so PLEASE PLEASE HELP. :( Thanks in advance!

Scholarship / Canada Univeristy Scholarship/ Leadership & Service/ Lesson learned [4]

Please provide a detailed record of your service and leadership, and an essay indicating how your service or leadership has been a meaningful part of your education (Max 300 words)

I had been a member of a Student Council since the Sixth Grade. Since then, I've known about responsibility and obligation to serve and I applied them to represent the voices of the student body. Whether the issue was about choosing the theme for the school's social event or rallying students to participate in the "March for the Homeless," I was motivated by the aspect that I helped a group of young people achieve a common goal. Then in high school, I was finally elected as the Treasurer. As I was held accountable for all transactions of the Council's funds, I always took charge of fundraising operations; communicated with sponsors and managed logistic for school events. In addition to my duties as the Treasurer, I played an active role as a member by helping to organize the school's excursions near and far, carnivals and yearbooks. Teachers and fellow students believed in my leadership skills and in my senior year, I was chosen as a Team Captain for school-wide Sports Day. Also, I am proud to say I maintained my good grades while I kept myself busy with extra curricular activities.

After graduation, I carried on participating in various community services by volunteering as an English tutor for Burmese children and adults. My students varied in age and economic backgrounds but a high percentage of them were unable to attend school regularly due to their families' financial situations. According to their education levels, I taught them basic English grammar, comprehension and speaking skills and at times, other subjects like science and geography as well. To me, tutoring is a mutually beneficial service for both the students and the teacher. Just like how Student Council had ingrained in me a sense of responsibility and a leadership mindset, tutoring had taught me about compassion and effective communication. I understood the power of knowledge and the right way to use it. Now, I believe my commitment to community service has made me a better person who is strong, efficient and a person a community can be proud of.

Did I answer the prompt well? I'm over the word limit by like 50. Can you give me ideas on what to cut? Thanks!