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Posts by tbvirus
Joined: Dec 25, 2012
Last Post: Dec 26, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  

Displayed posts: 5
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tbvirus   
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Business and Management/ NYU Supp/ Programs & Interests? [5]

Essay question: NYU's global network provides students with hundreds of academic areas of interest for students to cultivate their intellectual curiosity and to help achieve their career goals. Whether you are entirely undecided about your academic plans or you have a definitive program of study in mind, what are your own academic interests? Feel free to share any thoughts on any particular programs or how you might explore those interests at NYU on any of our campuses.

I strongly desire to study business and management in New York University's Leonard N. Stern School of Business to be a global businessman. Even though South Korea is a small country, it is known to be one of the most powerful economic countries throughout the world. The chairman, Lee Kun Hee of Samsung Electronics, which the representative company in South Korea said that business is an art, thus businessman needs be prepared with talents and capabilities to be the artist. New York as the hub of global economy and NYU as the central university in the state, I hope to gradually develop myself to become an ambitious businessman. For this, I believe that it is necessary to take a first step to inure my fundamental knowledge in core subjects. This leads me to the field of Liberal Studies - Global Liberal Studies in NYU. As I am preparing to grow myself as an international businessman, I am very excited to learn a fourth language in the Global Liberal Studies. As it's goal is to provide best possible foundations and to direct them to their suitable undergraduate schools, I am confident to claim that Global Liberal Studies is the right choice for my future career interests. In addition, this program offers studying abroad opportunities, so it would give me a variety in receiving high quality education from NYU.

Please help me to find grammar mistakes and titivate contents.!!!

I don't have anyone around me to help reading my essay since the supporting hand in my place is limited.

Thank you all
tbvirus   
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Boston offers all important features to me; Boston University / Why BU? [11]

Perhaps on the second or third sentence, you may want to elaborate on the campus setting, why is it so special?

The urban setting that Boston University gives may be special and not comparable to other cities' urban settings.
just a consideration though, if you don't take the env seriously... I mean Boston is a beautiful place... so.. up to you!
tbvirus   
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Which is better:Studying in a Regular school or in an International School? [5]

I don't think that you have proof read your essay well, there are simple spelling and grammar mistakes like you spelt International - Internation

The one reason is that the students who studies in an International school are improved their English skills more quickly and correctly than those who in a Regular school. Due to the students who in an International school have been directly learned by a native speaker who have certified to teach with international standards. THIS SOUNDS REPETITIVE FROM YOUR INTRODUCTION, CHOOSE EITHER PARAGRAPH TO MAKE YOUR STATEMENT SUCCINCT.

AND YOU CANNOT SAY THE ONE REASON, SAY ONE REASON or FIRST REASON...

In conclustion, the above paragraphs have been discussed about studying in an International school and a Regular school. These paragraph have provided two reason why studying in an International school ill help the students to improve their English skills more efficiencly than the students who not studying in an International school.

THE CONCLUSION IS TOO LONG AND THE FIRST SENTENCE AFTER IN CONCLUSION, IS NOT NECESSARY. I SUGGEST YOU SKIP THE WHOLE PART THAT I HAVE PASTED AND START RIGHT AWAY SAYING -> INTERNATIONAL SCHOOLS ARE BETTER BECAUSE ... AND .... FINISH.

YOU REALLY REALL REALLY HAVE TO PROOF READ. THE SPELLINGS AND GRAMMAR ARE (NO OFFENSE) HORRIBLE. THAT SHOULDN'T BE YOUR ORIGINAL LANGUAGE SKILLS, IT'S JUST THAT YOU NEED TO PUT SOME TIME READING OVER AND OVER AGAIN, REMEMBER YOU'RE THE ONE EDITING THE ESSAY!
tbvirus   
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Cool Running ; NYU - What intrigues you? [2]

Essay Question: What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.

The film Cool Running is a real story based on a Jamaican bobsled team, which challenged themselves to a winter Olympic game. Though it is a comedy film, there are meaningful messages.

It is hard to imagine people training for a winter sport, bobsled in Africa, but they made it to a reality. Hence, the film reveals that as long as there is passion, the combination of leadership, empathy with others, cooperation and true friendship between members for a goal, anyone can have the miracle to convert the impossible situation to the possible.

Whenever I am frustrated with my status of studying at a small school and living in a small community, I try to motivate myself to use the elements in the film to overcome the disadvantages of limited environment. For me, by showing myself as a president of student council, challenging myself to be the first model United Nations chairperson in my school and as a bandleader organizing shows in and outside of the school I am able to defeat the drawbacks I face.

The ending of this film gave me a strong impression because they were not afraid of failures, but instead they stood up to accomplish their goals again. Cool Running made me feel fascinated to enter the big world with confidence and not to be afraid of impossible situations or failures.

Please criticize the essay. Tell me if it's not clear or haven't answered to the question properly.
I SINCERELY need HELP with grammar corrections...!! Also I would really appreciate if you would change some words that are needs to be changed to fancy words.

Thank you all!
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