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Posts by norman2013 [Suspended]
Joined: Dec 26, 2012
Last Post: Dec 27, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 9  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 10
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norman2013   
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Coach P made tough girls cry; Common App Essay [10]

I don't remember why I decided to try out for basketball my freshman year of high school, but it certainly wasn't because I had any basketball talent to speak of. I was by far the slowest and clumsiest at tryouts, and I did not expect to see my name on the team list. But sure enough, there it was: Pamela Crick. - JV. I couldn't believe it. To this day, I still have no idea how I made it.

Fresh out of private school, I was trying to fit in at my new inner-city school where being white put me in the minority. I enrolled in this school primarily for the International Baccalaureate program, so I was not expecting such a drastic change from my previous school but high school was a rude awakening. I was immature and used to having my hand held. I would tear up if someone shouted at me. On top of that, I also had my iPhone, backpack and money stolen in my first month of class.

Adjusting to high school was a huge challenge, but it was nothing compared to playing JV basketball. I was the only white girl on the team, and I felt like an outsider. We listened to what they called "ghetto music", and I would awkwardly watch as my teammates would Twerk, Stanky Leg or do the Cupid Shuffle. My teammates would crack jokes that I couldn't relate to and use slang that I'd never heard before. But early in the season, we found something in common; we were all scared to death of Coach P.

Coach P made tough girls cry and one day called me "the weakest link" in front of the entire team. She was forthright, but this is why we came to respect her. She did not console us; she worked us hard and told us exactly where to improve. Even though she was harsh, she had our best interest at heart and helped us come together as a team and as friends. We became a family and adopted the phrase "team before me."

We all had roles on the team and mine was usually on the bench. Nevertheless, I warmed that bench like my life depended on it. With my lanky appearance, I enthusiastically cheered on my teammates and handed them water bottles when they came in. Even though I spent the season sitting next to Coach P, I picked up on some plays or skills from her listened to her angry muttering. However, I only had the opportunity to attempt these skills when she put me in, which was usually if we had a significant lead. It was tough sitting on the sidelines, especially when my family came to watch. However, I learned to accept my role. I swallowed my pride during practices and asked my teammates and coach for help. And I did get better. I even scored a few baskets to the delighted cheers of my teammates.

Clearly basketball wasn't my game but it encouraged me to try other sports and join other clubs. Even though I didn't try out for basketball the following year, I will always treasure this crazy freshman experience. I can sometimes hear the music playing from the locker room so I come in and perform a terrible dance move to make my basketball friends laugh hysterically. After basketball, I didn't walk to class with my head down to avoid drawing attention. I accepted the person I was, even though I stood out. I gained a courage that I never thought I had.
norman2013   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / New York/ Oprah Winfrey ; Syracuse Supp/ Who or what influend applying? [5]

That Oprah Winfrey quote was very out of place. I would consider editing that out or if she had some impact on your life, enhance it. But it is distracting.

Also, use specific examples about the college! I applied to Syracuse too and I talked about study abroad and the sustainability program. Pick something specific to your major and elaborate on why you are perfect for it.
norman2013   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Mr. Granary; Common App / personal essay [3]

A little confusing, but once I understood it, it was very good. I like how you continue to relate back to Mr. Granary. However, you only really talk about his impact on you in paragraph 5, and a little in 4. Also, this essay would be perfect if it had a title.

Help me out? No one is answering mine either :(
norman2013   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Coach P made tough girls cry; Common App Essay [10]

A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
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