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Posts by Taset
Joined: Jan 2, 2013
Last Post: Jan 2, 2013
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 6
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Taset   
Jan 2, 2013
Undergraduate / 'Scientific exploration' - CalTech supplement essay [5]

Hi, I've never really done an essay like this before, so any feedback would be MUCH appriciated. The essay is due soon, so anyone that is willing to help, please do so soon. Thank you very much! Here is the prompt:

Scientific exploration clearly excites you (otherwise you wouldn't be applying to Caltech). What is it about Caltech's opportunities and resources that will best fuel your intellectual curiosity and develop your passion for science, technology, math or engineering?

Quite a few people repeatedly ponder the meaning of life, but often struggle to find an answer. While most can assure you that it is not forty-two, few can provide a reasonable answer. Growing up, I have sometimes found myself debating the same question. No matter how hard I thought about it, I could never really put my finger on what life truly meant. After a while, however, I took a step back and realized that perhaps I have been asking myself the wrong question. We only have one life to live, one shot to experience the world, so perhaps the question we should be asking ourselves should not be "What is the purpose of my life?" but rather "What can I do with my life?". Shortly after having this epiphany, I discovered the answer to my question. I want to leave behind something that will make this world a better place for future generations to come. Whether that means developing more environmentally friendly engines for cars and planes, finding a cure for cancer, or discovering a new way to harness cleaner energy, I want to leave behind a legacy. To achieve this goal, I believe I need to dive deeper into the scientific exploration that has already been so interesting to me. My father is a physicist who works in the fields of optics, photonics, and biophysics, and, naturally, I followed in his footsteps and became a science enthusiast. While other little kids were watching SpongeBob or Hannah Montana, I was busy learning about the mysteries of black holes on the science channel. When I reached high school, I realized at once that science was going to be the most interesting subject I would take during my four years there. Now that I am a senior, I am ready to further develop my passion, specifically for physics. Thus, I believe that attending the California Institute of Technology is a crucial step towards achieving my goals. I know that CalTech has many incredible professors that will aid me on my journey, as well as numerous other students just like me working together to also leave their mark on the world. I know that I will be able to participate in research programs and other projects that will only move me forward. Most importantly, however, I believe that CalTech will ultimately aid me in my quest to leave this world in a better place than it was when I got here.
Taset   
Jan 2, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS:Agree or disagree? Patience is not a good thing;we should take actions at once. [3]

I really like your essay, and I really like the fact that you used examples for both roving our postion and opposing the other statement. I would suggest, however, that you be a little more specific with your example of the sportsman. When exactly does he need to be patient? what sport? that part seeme vague to me. I wold also recommend you do not use "we" in your examples. Instead, you could do something like this :

"if [one] impulsively buy a house without taking the geographical nature and the surrounding facilities into account, [he] will probably regret what [he] did"

or
"if [one] intends to write a 10,000 words academic report in one night, [he] normally produces a report with many mistakes, such as grammatical errors"

Just something to keep in mind! good work!
Taset   
Jan 2, 2013
Writing Feedback / (IELTS ESSAY) differences between e-learning and conventional learning. [5]

Please get rid of anything to do with "I" or "my" in your essay :P

"In this essay i am going to discuss both these views and will make an opinion in favor of traditional learning with the application of electronic help."

This is unimportant because they already know, you're writing your essay. Instead, tell them the focus of the essay, without using "I"

"So, in my opinion, since both..."

Do not state that it is your opinion. They alread know that! After all, YOU'RE writing the essay. Its ALL your opinion :)

Instead, just say "Since both..."

Keep up the good work
Taset   
Jan 2, 2013
Undergraduate / I chose to tell the truth; CAL TECH/ Ethical Dilemma [2]

Please let me know what you do no like about this essay, and what i could do to make it better. Be critical. All feedback greatly appreciated!

Prompt:
Members of the Caltech community live, learn, and work within an Honor System with one simple guideline; "No member shall take unfair advantage of any other member of the Caltech community." While seemingly simple, questions of ethics, honesty, and integrity are sometimes challenging. Share an ethical dilemma that challenged you. How did you respond? Your response is not limited to academic situations.

When I first read CalTech's essay prompt about the ethical dilemma, I was stumped. I rummaged through my high school memories, but nothing significant jumped out at me. Of course, there have been minor problems for me here and there, but I had nothing unique to offer the readers. After hours of surfing the web and hitting dead ends, I became tempted to make up my own moral dilemma. After all, the readers could not possibly fact check every single applicant's story for every single essay. I knew that a distinctive essay is essential for acceptance to CalTech, and I knew I had nothing more unique to offer the reader than the guy next door. However, I knew that lying in general is a very bad habit, one that I had experienced myself when I was much younger, and one that I had grown out of. On top of that, I knew I could be denied admission simply because I did not tell the truth on this one essay, and I did not want that kind of reputation. For a while, two sides of me conflicted with each other about what to do. In the end, I chose to tell the truth, because as we all know, the truth sets us free. While I know that this essay may not be the most unique or most intriguing for the admissions council, I can now rest peacefully knowing that I never told a lie on any of my applications.

Thanks!
Taset   
Jan 2, 2013
Undergraduate / 'Use of fear' - University Application Essay - Significant Challenge [4]

I really like your essay. I think you used "loss" quite a bit, maybe find some synonyms? also, I did not like all those negatives in the following senence:

"I couldn't bear the thought of a second loss and I could not imagine not achieving my largest high school goal"

NOT imagine NOT achieving my largest high school goal is a bit repetative, try something like
"could not imagine failing to reach my largest high school goal" or anything else you'd like.

Good paper though!
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