Writing Feedback / If you have enough money, would you purchase either a house or a business? [3]

I want you to correct grammar and consistency of my TOEFL ESSAY.

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If a person has to choose only one between buying a house and a business, it would be a tough choice. To buy a house makes people feel security. To buy a business, meanwhile, provides people with the opportunities to make more money. Both of them have benefits, but if I were given this choice, I would like to buy a business. There are two reasons for my choice that a successful business allows me to make more money and it doesn't matter for me to have a house.

First of all, most people works in workplaces it is not their own. Thus, they are hard to make more money. However, if I have a successful business, I have the opportunities to earn more money. A successful business that makes more money can give me the chance to buy something I would like to have, such as nice cars and fashionable clothes. In addition, this can supply me with something I would like to do. For instance, I am able to do skydiving and skiing and driving a racing car if I have much money. Plus, proceeds from my own business make possible for me to buy a house that I would exactly love to.

Furthermore, I strongly believe that having my own business is much valuable than having a house. Some people who have only their house don't feel satisfied with having a business. On the other hand, the other people can be satisfied with the fact that there is their own business. Also, I strongly affirm that the feeling of satisfaction is very important in humans' lives and this satisfaction makes people more pride. For example, my friend Sam who has his own large business believes that having a business and managing a business make him so active and confident that he always feels pride of himself. Although he doesn't have any his own house, he thinks that it is not matter because of a sense of pride from having a business.

To be sure, purchasing a house feel me stable and is very important for my family who live with me in long time because of stability from having a house; However, I would choose to buy a business if I have to choose only one. I cannot abandon the chance to make more money and to make more choices.

Writing Feedback / Parents have an exceptionally great impact on their children; TOEFL [4]

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I want you to correct grammer and the continuity in my essay.

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Some people think that teachers in schools may have an influence on the children and adolescences. However, I strongly affirm that our parents have an exceptionally great impact on their children and thus I am in favor of the statement that parents are the best teachers. There are two reasons that I agree that statement that parents spend their time with their children than any other people such as school teacher and parents are the very people who have absolute love to their children.

First of all, parents have most of their time with their children and are the best teacher to influence on their young children. According to the research conducting by a professor, Hyun Gyu in Harvard University, children learn things half of the entire their lives in five and six years old. This means that as children grow up until five or six years old, their parents are the most important person who has obligation to teach their children. Young children can learn to speak, to walk, to swim and to have good manners from their parents. In addition, young children are inclined to learn from their parents' behavior and style of gestures. Therefore, parents as good teachers have an important role to be a role model to their children

Furthermore, parents are the best teacher in their children's lives because their parents feel us absolute love that school teachers, professors and even tutors do not have. They are the only one people who are willing to sacrifice for our successful and happy lives. For example, parents give up their time for our happiness. In addition, they always advise in earnest to their children because of our mentally maturity and this advices are always helpful in our lives and choice. Every time and every day, our parents are committed to us.

All parents are not perfect and ideal; however, it is a clear fact that their teaching of commitment and advices is like fertilizers for growing seed that becomes fragrant and showy flower. In conclusion, I firmly agree that parents are the best teachers to their children.

Undergraduate / Studying with foreign students; My exchange student planner [3]

Having military service two years ago, I thought that I would better go abroad as an exchange student. At first, I dreamed a fantasy of foreign countries only. However, later I recognized that the exchange student program was a tremendous positive opportunity to me.

First, the program can give me a chance to study about my major courses with foreigners. In addition, I believed that competition and cooperation with foreign student is a special and rare experience. Also, I knew that the exchange program is a just one offer in my entire life: because I could not be a university student twice.

Therefore, I did not want to miss the opportunity of the exchange program. Finally, I was sure that studying as the exchange student will be very helpful to me. Through speaking English only, I assure that I can learn my major in a different angle from using Korean.

Many people tend to expect improvement to English skills through the exchange student program. However, I do not anticipate to increase skills of the language during just one semester.

On the other hand, my goal of the exchange student is to undergo another country's culture, their thinking patterns and to communicate with the students.

I desire to make foreigner students and to become close to them. I strongly have believed that these hopes can have affirmative influence on my valuable life.

I do not want to be frustrated with the fact that I am not good at English. Furthermore, due to my poor English skills, I do not wish to disturb foreign students. Consequently, I have gone to English academy to learn speaking in February this year.

In addition to this, I am going to study TOEFL listening and watch American movies and dramas for improving my English abilities. Through this preparation, I am going to prepare the exchange student program: this is my best effort and trial that I can do.

I want to obtain two eventual fruits. The first is that I can obtain something different and challenging experience. This can make me an active, sociable and wise person. Also, the other is that I can learn my major courses in English. Studying with foreign students can give me precious and valueless assets.