ritared
Jan 22, 2013
Writing Feedback / Social life rather than job can offer me the true happiness [10]
the "like" button seems useless on my computer...So..."like"
the "like" button seems useless on my computer...So..."like"
ritared
Jan 22, 2013
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: "I cannot wait back to my job"- social life vs job happiness [4]
(I really appreciate it if someone can review this essay)
Despite some social celebrities insist that your career does not mean everything and "a full well-rounded life"is more important, it is undeniable even for them that the career does mean a lot and "the full well-rounded life" also centers around work. Therefore, for this topic, I believe that a person's job has more effect on his or her happiness.
For one thing, most people spend more time on their jobs than their social life. It is known to all that we have to work at least 40 hours every week, and that if we are lucky enough we can hang out with friends a couple of hours on weekends. The difference is obvious, and even those so-called party animals can not enjoy parties 8 hours per day, 5 days per week. It is all mathematics. The majority of lifetime where we attempt to pursue happiness is spent in our workplace rather than in friends' apartments and clubs.
For another thing, the situation of our career can influence our social life both positively and negatively. However, the opposite is another story. Here is an example. My friend Jill, who used to be overwhelmed by the laborious paper work and unsatisfied with the unstable income as a translator, always complained that she did not want back to her work when we had vacations together. It seemed that the bad mood from her work had been brought to her social life. Last year, she finally changed her job and became an interpreter for an international cooperation where the salary is considerable and the position is exactly what she had been dreaming about, even though she has to leave us friends and work abroad. Surprisingly, when she came home this winter, she was optimistic and delightful, and kept saying "I cannot wait back to my job". Apparently, besides the good salary and social status, an ideal job would give us real happiness.
(I really appreciate it if someone can review this essay)
Despite some social celebrities insist that your career does not mean everything and "a full well-rounded life"is more important, it is undeniable even for them that the career does mean a lot and "the full well-rounded life" also centers around work. Therefore, for this topic, I believe that a person's job has more effect on his or her happiness.
For one thing, most people spend more time on their jobs than their social life. It is known to all that we have to work at least 40 hours every week, and that if we are lucky enough we can hang out with friends a couple of hours on weekends. The difference is obvious, and even those so-called party animals can not enjoy parties 8 hours per day, 5 days per week. It is all mathematics. The majority of lifetime where we attempt to pursue happiness is spent in our workplace rather than in friends' apartments and clubs.
For another thing, the situation of our career can influence our social life both positively and negatively. However, the opposite is another story. Here is an example. My friend Jill, who used to be overwhelmed by the laborious paper work and unsatisfied with the unstable income as a translator, always complained that she did not want back to her work when we had vacations together. It seemed that the bad mood from her work had been brought to her social life. Last year, she finally changed her job and became an interpreter for an international cooperation where the salary is considerable and the position is exactly what she had been dreaming about, even though she has to leave us friends and work abroad. Surprisingly, when she came home this winter, she was optimistic and delightful, and kept saying "I cannot wait back to my job". Apparently, besides the good salary and social status, an ideal job would give us real happiness.
ritared
Jan 24, 2013
Writing Feedback / Art Management; Colleges and universities should offer Job preparation training [8]
will be improved
thier? their! I think you can use Microsoft Word to correct such spelling mistakes.
sophomore
"through an intense compitition" I suppose it's better
It is good that u use "alma mater" , which comes from Latin Words. But with so many selling mistakes above, I think you should put more effort on your spelling less sophiscated words.
"those"
I'm not a native speaker. So that's all I can help you. Some people will further edify your essay. Be patient.
You have a clear and organized thought, which is good. I think you should practice your writing skills and spelling.
the whole level of the college will improve
will be improved
thier major study.
thier? their! I think you can use Microsoft Word to correct such spelling mistakes.
sophomopre
sophomore
After a compitition
"through an intense compitition" I suppose it's better
thier alma mater
It is good that u use "alma mater" , which comes from Latin Words. But with so many selling mistakes above, I think you should put more effort on your spelling less sophiscated words.
Meanwhile, thoes successful graduates
"those"
I'm not a native speaker. So that's all I can help you. Some people will further edify your essay. Be patient.
You have a clear and organized thought, which is good. I think you should practice your writing skills and spelling.
ritared
Jan 24, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS - making money would never replace a teddy bear for a child [6]
Even though it's not my essay I have learned a lot from you advice.
Even though it's not my essay I have learned a lot from you advice.
ritared
Jan 24, 2013
Essays / Enjoyable vacation - linking sentences in the first paragraph of the essay [3]
What contributes to an enjoyable vacation? The answer probably varies from person to person. As for me, an ideal vacation should make me feel relax, and give me unforgettable memories. To fulfill both the requirements, a good friend to travel with is an indispensable part of a trip.
I feel "To fulfill both the requirements" is far from perfect. How can I link the two sentence more naturally? Please~
What contributes to an enjoyable vacation? The answer probably varies from person to person. As for me, an ideal vacation should make me feel relax, and give me unforgettable memories. To fulfill both the requirements, a good friend to travel with is an indispensable part of a trip.
I feel "To fulfill both the requirements" is far from perfect. How can I link the two sentence more naturally? Please~
ritared
Jan 24, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS-Do children behave better when they are rewarded or punished? Discuss both view [4]
I think you have an interesting idea and the structure is well organized but with mistakes. I think you should put more effort to edify your sentence
It is little confusing. Some chidren do extraordinary work hard in their studies so their parents can satisfy their favorite wish?
I think if you simplify the sentence it would be better. I know you want make the sentence sophiscated. But at first, make the meaning clear and then use some academic words.
As samnemeth said, this sentence is confusing too. Do you want to be positive or negative?
I think you have an interesting idea and the structure is well organized but with mistakes. I think you should put more effort to edify your sentence
Some children do extra-ordinary work hard in their studies to get their favorite wish to satisfy by their parents
It is little confusing. Some chidren do extraordinary work hard in their studies so their parents can satisfy their favorite wish?
I think if you simplify the sentence it would be better. I know you want make the sentence sophiscated. But at first, make the meaning clear and then use some academic words.
Moreover, complimenting children for their excellence boosts their self-esteem and better individuals in the future.
As samnemeth said, this sentence is confusing too. Do you want to be positive or negative?
ritared
Jan 24, 2013
Essays / Enjoyable vacation - linking sentences in the first paragraph of the essay [3]
Actually it is the first paragraph of my writing task. Thank you for your advice. It provide me with some new ideas.
Actually it is the first paragraph of my writing task. Thank you for your advice. It provide me with some new ideas.