Posts by megciso

megciso

Jan 26, 2013

Writing Feedback / What difficulties do you foresee in living away from home? Essay. [2]

Reading the prompt over, I feel like they were asking for your own personal experience rather than asking what's necessary to live alone. This is too general if it is a personal question. If I'm wrong and this is a general question, it's too brief. You have a good grasp on what's needed to live alone, you just need to expand on your examples because it's almost like reading common sense and it doesn't make for an interesting read.

megciso

Jan 26, 2013

Scholarship / "Jasmine Reveolution"; issue of personal, local, or national concern [4]

Your middle and ending are very strong and it makes the opening fall flat. It was almost as if your essay switched academic gears halfway through and to me, that's a little bit of a red flag because it's like two different people wrote it. I would focus on strengthening the beginning so it's at the same par as the rest of the essay. Overall, good job.

megciso

Jan 26, 2013

Scholarship / Architecture/ Potential to succeed - SCHOLARSHIP MY GOALS/ Why INVEST in my education [4]

You come across as very arrogant and shallow. Reading this, I didn't feel that you really wanted to study architecture. It felt more like "I'm smart therefore you should give me a scholarship." It felt flat and was overall uninspiring.

I would suggest re-working it so it's more genuine. Mention your academic accolades to prove that you won't waste their money, but open up a little more about you so they feel like they're not only investing in your education, but in you as a person.

megciso

Jan 26, 2013

Essays / "Seasonal Love" - Writing Sample for Entry Into Media Arts Program [2]

A nervous shiver travels down his back, branding every nerve with ice. Her presence is undeniable. Her laugh: captivating, warm, full of life. He doesn't want to turn around. He refuses to see the copper locks that resembles a halo in the afternoon sun or the ethereal pale porcelain skin that screams "Coyne".

But he is a masochist.

She is exquisite. Even at five. He thinks maybe that's how Daphne looked like as a child. The tips of her ears had gone scarlet from the frigid temperatures, but she soon warms up with a quick sip of her hot cocoa. The child giggles as tongue darts her to catch the stray drops of the chocolaty goodness.

He knows he shouldn't have come here. Nearly a decade away from the city with his beautiful wife hadn't been enough to forget her lips; full, pink, sweet. But after his divorce, he couldn't help himself.

From the moment he said "I do", he had been dealing with an ugly black monster that clawed away at his conscience, put doubts in his mind, and coated his heart in tar. It had been climbing its way out for a long time, and now finally, it has broken free. His ex-wife never stood a chance.

Skipping towards him in blissful innocence, he can see her face clearly. She is practically Daphne's mini-clone. Oxygen lodges in his throat. She can't be too far now. He foolishly thinks this is a sign; fate had brought them together again. They really were meant to be. His heart leaps out of his chest in nervous excitement.

"Cora," her voice is the same siren's call from his memories. The memories flood through his head and a sickening spinning feeling develops. Claws are grabbing at his heart, clamping down and draining his essence.

"I don't love you like I love him."

He looks closer at the girl, at Cora. There's something wrong. Her eyes are different. They were sharp, narrow, almost feline-like. And definitely not the bewitching emerald green with golden flecks he remembered.

And then he sees them and the pieces of his heart falls like autumn leaves crumbles to bitter winter's control. She's a magnificent sight all on her own. But he knows Cora's eyes now. Dark and thrilling, he knows them well.

The little angel Cora is a Coyne, but she's also a Bradwell.

And so is Daphne.

He desperately wishes he was stronger. He doesn't understand how can anything that's not physical pain be so agonizing. The pain, searing and harrowing, finds his heart and mind - piercing away with thousands of hot needles. The tar monster slides up to his ear and whispers that she should be his. She should be Mrs. Jack Cooper.

But Daphne Coyne-Bradwell calls to Cora - not Cooper - Bradwell and lovingly caresses her husband's cheek. They look like the perfect family, straight off the pages of a J. Crew catalogue.

She walks past without a glance. She looks happy.

megciso

Jan 26, 2013

Undergraduate / I want to become a TROJAN; PR STATEMENT OF INTENT-USC! [11]

Not only is USC located in the heart of the entertainment capital of the world, but it also provides their students with well established courses that further their capabilities.

My interest in becoming a publicist and A&R executive sparked in high school after taking a public speaking course. I have always had a huge interest in the study of communications, networking, and business relationships and looked forward to continuing my studies once in college. Once I entered community college, I took the advantage of taking Communication courses to discover if I still found it as my true calling. The courses captivated me and I felt more involved than I had in my other courses.I feel like this is too much of a back story without it having any actual details. I don't get that you're passionate about communications. Show me, don't just tell me.

Looking through all the entertainment enriched classes offered at USC has motivated me to attend the school. I would expand on the courses, maybe even talk about one that seems really cool or a research project that a faculty is undertaking. Make USC believe that it's the only school you want to attend because as of right now, your interest in them is vague. It's almost as if you could be talking about another school.

The successful alumni has proved that attending the university creates positive advantages for starting one's career. I have chosen both Communication and Public Relations major to explore the area of expertise needed for the careers I have chosen. Repititive.

If accepted, I look forward to joining TriSight Communications ~~as well as continuing internships as an extracurricular activity~~ . I would get rid of this just because I don't think it adds anything.

I plan to be an active Trojan both on and off campus, representing the school in the best way possible in hopes of one day reaching the success of its alumni.

This is not quite there for me. It's okay, it could be better, you could be blowing my socks off. I think you're too vague and you need to narrow in why USC is the school for you. The prompt mentions academics and you just touched upon them. Be direct and to the point to show off your effective communication skills, but also make it entertaining to read so they want to get to know you and hopefully admit you. Hope I helped.

megciso

Jan 26, 2013

Undergraduate / Better prepared for my career goals; Benefit from education that AUC offers? [2]

I feel like you've just listed a bunch of things that could be easily applied to another university. I don't get why AUC is the perfect, amazing university that you want to attend. I would suggest going into depth about two of the things you listed above. Obviously one of them is going to be about the business department and another could be about a cool EC you want to take or about the multicultural environment that'll help you broaden your horizons and foster your creativity or whatever. That's up to you. Your essay isn't bad, but it's not great.