Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by toantva509
Joined: Mar 1, 2013		 Last Post: Mar 19, 2013
Threads: 4
Posts: 9  
From: Viet Nam

Displayed posts: 13
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
toantva509   
Mar 1, 2013
Writing Feedback / Old men live with young people or in the clubs? discuss. [3]

help me with my essay. Thank you so much in advance.
Q: Should old man live with young people together or should they live in the clubs for the elder? Discuss.

Due to the improvement in living standard, life expectancy has substantially increased for recent years. As a result, nursing the elder is now a great concern not only of family but also the government. Some people argue that family members should directly take care of the elder while others believe that it will be better for them to participate in clubs for the elder. This essay will explore both views.

People who support the former explain that no one can perform the role better than their relatives. This is because family members who are supposed to take responsibility of nursing the elder definitely know what their parents or grandparents need. in addition home is said to be the safest place to live as at that ages the thing they really need is the children's love. It is the fact that many young people suppose that they can make their relatives happy by supporting some money each month. However, no matter how good is the service is, it can not replace family feeling.

on the other hand, others feel that they should live in caring service centers. What the supporters of this view contend is that because of the modern lifestyle, young people have less time with their parents. Consequently, they can not fulfill their responsibility. By letting them participate in clubs, they are served full service including diet, medicine and entertainment. Another advantage is that they have many friends what are at the same ages so that they can talk together, share stories and ideas.

To conclude, in my view, no matter how hard the work is, young people should spend more time with their parents or grandparents who have raised them up even though they live in clubs for the elder. Obviously, at their ages material can be valueless without love.
toantva509   
Mar 3, 2013
Writing Feedback / People have become overly dependent on technology. What's your opinion? [6]

Your essay is pretty good but I think some sentences does not support your ideas well. Take for example, "Besides, there are many kinds of machine such as printers, photocopiers .etc that make working as easy as walking". You don't mention how they abuse them.

"In the past, televisions seemed like the luxurious thing but each family now has at least one or even more than two TV sets in their house" is not relevant. You make it connect it with other sentences.

"support for our own life" -"support our life".
toantva509   
Mar 3, 2013
Writing Feedback / People have become overly dependent on technology. What's your opinion? [6]

halyphananh
With the rapid growth of technology, there has been a debate on how we are using technology in our life. Many people think that we are now abusing modern devices to support for our own life; while others reckon that using technology brings us just good things and makes our life easier. According to what I have observed and experienced, I believe that people, nowadays, have been overly dependent on technology.

To begin with, it is not hard to realise the intergral role of technology in houses. Housewives, nowadays, are no longer "housewives" as itself used to mean. They do almost every task with the assistance of modern machines. They have clothes washed by washing machine instead of doing that by hand as before or they clean dishes just by putting them into a dishwasher. In the past, televisions seemed like the luxurious thing but each family now has at least one or even more than two TV sets in their house. It is now common to catch the image of many children or some adults spending most of their time in front of the screens containing various attractive things.

What is more, workplaces are becoming more and more dependent upon technology. In almost every company, there is an advancedly computerized system which makes tasks much easier and quicker. Most of employees have their own mobile phone or computer so that they can exchange information or documents as soon as they want without leaving their desks. Besides, there are many kinds of machine such as printers, photocopiers .etc that make working as easy as walking. In addition, in term of education, students are now also using too much modern devices for their studying. They do calculations even the most simple using portable calculators. (you should rewrite this sentence) They also take advantage of the Internet to do assignments without many efforts.

On the other hand, many people think that people' abuse of technology just brings good points. It makes our world easier to live as it helps people do all tasks effectively. However, that is not always true. Despite a wide range of benefits from modern technology, we can not inogre bad points it brings. Using modern devices for everything makes people lazier and more passive in life. It causes the creativity of human beings to decrease which is very dangerous for mankind's future. (you should reorganize this paragraph)

In conclusion, it is clear that we depend on modern technology too much today. People should carefully rethink about how they should use modern machines for tasks; otherwises, one day, machines would replace the position of human beings to control the world
toantva509   
Mar 3, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 Brought up in a village or a city [3]

Q: Should child be brought up in a village or a city?

Education for children is now a great concern of parents. Many people believe that raising children in cities is a better option while others prefer the countryside as a better environment for children. In this essay, we will discuss both sides of this issue.

First of all, the countryside provides children with comparative development in terms of health and freedom. In other words, children enjoy the peace without air pollution as well as traffic noise. Equally important, by having a childhood in a rural area,, children definitely have more places to play with their friends in stead of spending much time on computer games, for example. In addition, student in the countryside are put less pressure on studying. Consequently, they certainly have more time hanging out with their friends.

On the other hand, despite these benefit, raising a family in the country is difficult because of the poor health care and inadequate school system. These are reason why some people support living in a city. It is the fact that some areas especially ethnic minorities lack basic medical services and in case of emergency children are often sent to central hospitals. This can be solved if living in a city. Another advantage of a city is that children are educated with advanced standards. For example, schools are equipped with libraries, laboratories and English rooms. Furthermore, Students have more opportunity to participate in social activities and language centers.

In conclusion, considering the facts outlined above, I am in favor of the latter as children need qualified eduction in order to adapt to the high competition. However, living in a countryside does not mean children can not compete with others.
toantva509   
Mar 5, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS, Doctor nurses and teachers should be paid more than celebrities [7]

"abreast with the latest treatment methodologies" --keep abreast of the latest treatment methodologies.
"after analyzing the facts pertaining to healthcare jobs like responsibility, risk etc and also the academic knowledge a doctor should possess it is clear that they have every right to get a more pay than celebrities" ----After analyzing the facts above, it is clear that they are worth to get a more pay than celebrities. you should not repeat the reasons without paraphrasing.

Any, recognize your attempt. Good luck
toantva509   
Mar 5, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Alternate solution for energy crisis - Nuclear energy? [4]

Q: At present we rely on oil for most our energy needs. However, oil is a fossil fuel and causes air pollution, and it will eventually run out. Nuclear energy is the only practical and clean source of energy for the world. In what extent do you agree and disagree?

The world now have recently faced serious air pollution and power shortage. The statistics shows that fossil fuel such as gas and oil is reaching the exhausted peak. It is argued that nuclear power is the most feasible alternative source which can solve pollution issue. However, I strongly disagree with this view.

First of all, although nuclear energy can deal with the exhaustion, lots of great dangers lie behind this source due to the fear of contamination. Statistic illustrates that the number of disasters which are caused by radioactive waste in the recent decades is not small. Take for example, the latest disaster Fukusima. The whole large area was severely contaminated; as a result, the citizens were completely moved to another place. This raises the question of the safety of nuclear power.

Then what are the alternative forms that are more comparative? Many other sources of energy such as solar and windy as well as biofuels power are possibly potential to exploit in the near future. Despite relatively large setup costs, these source are evidently proved to be cost-effective and sustainable in the long run. In addition, as they are definitely endless, we never mind that one day they will ultimately exhaust. These source can also solve the environmental issue which is the biggest drawback of the nuclear power.

The facts outlined above, when taken together, are in the favor of the view that nuclear is not the future energy alternative. The question is now whether government policies is strict enough in order to encourage power companies to invest more in new sources of energy.
toantva509   
Mar 16, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Music - as long as it doesn't hurt you, can improve your balance, mentally and physically [3]

nika_mt
Sorry, but you should follow the IELTS structure and try to solve the main issue :Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays. I should give your own view in the introduction and give convincing explanations in the body paragraph. Try to write again. GLuck
toantva509   
Mar 16, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Loosing Traditional Values is no matter? [5]

Q: Young people are said to have lost many of the traditional values of the older generation. This does not matter, because the old values have no relevance in the modern world. We need to develop a whole set of values. In what extent do you agree or disagree?

A:

In the times of
globalization due to the integration of many contemporary cultures, many
traditional values of the country have almost disappeared. Young people are now
likely to be affected by modern cultures derived from developed ones such as Korea
and Western. Some people argue that this is not a serious problem; however I
strongly disagree with this because obviously old values help to set up the
world we are living.

It can be denied
that traditional values helps to market a country's image which in turn
stimulates economy, tourism and other fields. In other words, the developed countries,
Korea for example, are struggling to advertise their image based on their
unique traditions so that anyone can differentiate them in the multicultural
world. Equally important, a good image consequently helps to increase
commercial products and attract a great deal of tourists. Take Korea as a
typical example. By the dint of cinema, its traditional culture is
imaginatively transferred to viewers from the entire world. As a result, not
only a large amount of products involved cinema is sold but also a
diversification of travelers considers Korea as a charming destination.

Another main
justification is that old values make inspiration for human development. That
is to say, people attempt to make a great contribution to society because they
can feel the pride of their country with its indigenous values. The deeper its
values the more spirit people have. In addition, what would happen to a country
if it lost all its traditional values? It is no doubt that people would work
and behave as automatic machines. The world would be with love and patriotism.
Therefore, nations definitely struggle to preserve and develop their cultures.

In conclusion what have
been discussed above indicates my view that the tradition values are highly
associated with the modern world. They not only enhance the country's image but
also promote human development.
Need Writing or Editing Help?
✖
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳