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Posts by K_Swiss
Joined: Mar 7, 2009
Last Post: Mar 8, 2009
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K_Swiss   
Mar 7, 2009
Research Papers / What to include in an intro and critical reflection, women inequality @work [10]

What should I include in the introduction of a research paper besides the thesis? Is it repetitive to mention the topic, main ideas/themes and then the thesis? How do I effectively use first person in the introduction?

Does the body of a research paper consists only what I find and the analysis are made in the critical reflection/conclusion?

By the way, I'm writing a sociological paper about women inequality at work.
K_Swiss   
Mar 7, 2009
Research Papers / What to include in an intro and critical reflection, women inequality @work [10]

The critical reflection is formatted by sections.

What kind of analysis is included? Does it include my overall assessment of the themes I chose or the sources I chose? Does it include the 'flaws' such as a lack of something like excluding other groups and do I need to include proofs for this part?

By the way, what does this mean "What sorts of further study would be useful to know more"?

I know I will get an accurate answer if I ask my professor, but I've received no e-mail response...
K_Swiss   
Mar 7, 2009
Research Papers / What to include in an intro and critical reflection, women inequality @work [10]

Do I provide the same proofs from the research I presented from my paper for critical reflection?

my response for the question "What sorts of further study..." does not need to be backed up by evidence?? so for this part, are you implying to explain the methods use to evaluate/observe the study??
K_Swiss   
Mar 8, 2009
Writing Feedback / On the Inland of Hispanolia [9]

Story behind the "The Inland of Hispaniola"

Bartolome De Las Casas, the protector of the Native American Indians, was born in 1474 in Seville on 1474 . In 1502 he traveled to Americanby working as a conquistador under Christopher Columbus, and in return for his labor, he was granted a share of land and Indian Slaves to work it.

Finally, after observing athe most disturbing scene concerning an Indian Chief preferring to go to hellrefused to acceptinstead of excepting Christianity because he was told "White men go to heaven" (by whom??) . Las Casas realized justthe extent they influenced the Spaniards to assimilate in which Spaniards repressed them.how far the Spanish had gone in turning the Indians' hate towards them.He became a priest a fter retiring from his life as a Spanish soldier and becoming a priestbecause he desired to end, Las Casas dedicated the remainder of his life to ending Indian slavery and working towards ending the Indians' persecution. On one such effort, Las Casas also wrote "On the Inland of Hispaniola" thatdocument that would later spread though the rest of the world to revealedthe progressing cruelty of Spaniard solders.just how cruel the Spanish soldiers had become.

You need to choose your words carefully so that your paper sounds better. By the way, where's your introduction?

Ever since Christopher and his men hadarrived to landed on America and had made contacted with thetheir first Indians, it was quite clearevidentto both sides that the Spanish were far more superior to the Natives in both military strength and in intelligence. As with keeping in the belief that almost all of society had at that time (??) , the Spanish saw that the worth of a human was based almost exclusively on the power and intellect that thatthe individual possessed to have control and respect . Without knowledge, there would be no respect, and without power, a person could become overpowered and used by others. Thus, when the Spanish soldiers saw that they could easily cheat and do whatever they wanted to so to the Indians, and even reasoned that it was in their rights to do so,

for they saw that they were of a much higher class and superior to the Indians, and so eventually, continuing in that belief there were able to openly justify the unspeakable cruelties and wrongs that they had done the Natives without being rebuked or feeling remorse. --- RUN ON SENTENCE..
K_Swiss   
Mar 8, 2009
Book Reports / Thesis for Hunters in the Snow [6]

What exactly do you want to prove? Do you want to analyze the meaning of the book? Do you want to analyze the characters? Do you want to relate the book to real life? You need focus before you write a thesis.
K_Swiss   
Mar 8, 2009
Undergraduate / Nanyang: My proudest achievement essay. [9]

I'm not Kevin but... I think I can help you...

As I begin to write this essay on the proudest achievement ... -- SO WORDY... get to the point...

Use something like...

Practicing, motivation and determination were the key elements that contributed to my success in gaining the national level lawn tennis championship title for my school, which was my greatest victory.


It was the summer of 2005 and I was feeling lucky to be ...

Be more exciting like...

I was honoured and proud to competing with players who share the same passion as I, and to represent my school in a national level tournament in the summer of 2005.


Our team of four blazed through the tournament and suddenly we were up against the hosts, our arch rivals in the final.

a bit bland... you should include rushing adrenaline excited you to compete your arch rivals..

It started with a grueling singles match...
It was all down to just one match, my singles match.

Avoid starting sentences with "it"

Neither me nor anybody else expected anything spectacular from me as I was no more than an amateur as compared to my opponent.

Use better words...f
Reword the bold sentence
Make the following sentence "The first set..." exciting like...
"The first set quickly passed as I thought nothing, but the game.... "

For the last sentence, reword it...
say something like... "As I started to lose confidence, time stood still and I heard my father tell me..."


After that all memory that I have of the match are static images. Images etched ...

run on sentence

The events of that day infused in me confidence and self belief that ...

This last paragraph confuses me. You don't want your readers scratching their heads, do you?[/quote]
The flow of your paper is a bit choppy.
K_Swiss   
Mar 8, 2009
Writing Feedback / On the Inland of Hispanolia [9]

Story behind the "The Inland of Hispaniola"
Bartolome De Las Casas, the protector of the Native American Indians, was born in Seville on 1474. In 1502 he traveled to America working as a conquistador under Christopher Columbus, and was granted a share of land as well as Indian slaves to work it [for him]. During the time he spent in America, Las Casas was an eyewitness to the constant, brutal mistreatment of the Indians in America. Finally,After he observedobserving the most disturbing scene concerningaboutan Indian Chief refuseding to accept Christianity because he was told "White men go to heaven", Las Casas realized just the Spanish significantly influenced the Indians to hate them. how far the Spanish had gone in turning the Indians' hate towards them.He dedicated his life to end the Indian's prosecution OR slavery after he retired as a solder.After retiring as a soldier because he desired to end Indian slavery and work towards ending the Indians' persecution.(both mean the same thing, remove one to avoid redundancy) Las Casas also wrote "On the Inland of Hispaniola that revealed the progressing cruelty of the Spanish soldiers.

Ever since Christopher and his men arrived to America and contacted with the Indians, it was evident that the Spanish were far more superior to the Natives in both military strength and intelligence. The Spanish believed As with keeping in the belief that almost all of society had at that time, the Spanish saw that people respected and followed individuals who possessed power and intellect. the worth of a human was based almost exclusively on the power and intellect an the that individual possessed to have to control and respect. Thus, when the Spanish soldiers manipulated the Indians to obey them because saw that they could easily cheat and do whatever they wanted to do to the Indians, and even reasoned that it was in their rights to do so, for they saw that they were of a much higher class and superior thanto the Indians. Thus,Eventually, the Spanish were able to continuing in that belief there were able to openly justify the unspeakable cruelties and wrongs that they had donecommitted tothe Natives without being rebuked or feeling remorse.

However, Father Las Casas and others like him howeverthey did not perceivedthat the Indians aswerestupiddim-witted, so that the priests educated and protectdas in their lack of ability to learn, but, saw the Indians, as uneducated sheep, in need of a shepherd, or a educator to guide and protect them as America grew more and more populated with the more advanced and sophisticated Spanish colonies who were settling their land . Although Father Las Casas had seen that the Naitives were inferior in strength and knowledge, he did not believe that they were any less human then any other human being.

Supporting the view that the Spanish had concerning the Indians, Catholic theologian, Juan Ginés de SepĂșlveda, opposed Las Casas theory that he supported the notion of Indian slavery and said atLas Cassas's complete opposite spoke the following in engaging Las Cassas in a debate that took place in King Jame's court that would decided the future of Indian slavery :

"Being slaves by nature, [the Indians], uncivilized, barbarian and inhuman, refuse to accept the rule of those civilized [the Spaniards] and with much more power than them."

This perfect example displaysportraysthe most common view ofthat the Spanish'shad concerning their "rights" to dominate the Indians. Juan Ginés de SepĂșlveda proclamation demonstratedBy stating that the Indians were barbarians and inhuman, and that they themselves were Civilized and had much more power then them, displays just how the Spanish came to the conclusion of how to determine one's humanity. Las Cassas also wrote of this view by his analogizing the Indians as "Sheep" and the Spanish as "Wolves":

"Among these gentle sheep, gifted by their Maker with the above qualities, the Spaniards entered as soon as soon as they knew them, like wolves, tiger and lions which had been starving for many days..."

This analogy that Las Cassas used perfectly illustrates the relationship between the Spanish and the Indians such thatBeing that the Indians were both the weaker and less educated, and they were preyed upon by the Spanish. "Wolves."

Many people think believed that the Spanish soldiers who mistreated the Indians were a group of godless brutes who, going against all forms of conscience, dealt such treacheries to the Indians, that they could never justify themselves for their actions, what they had done and were thus, they were condemned by God and the government when news of their brutality reached Spain. This, although it is true to a certain extent, is for the most part, wrong. It is surprising how, after a time a horrid act can be manipulated into something that becomes completely justifiable to a person. (what??? the soldiers justified their acts and did not face consequences???) Las Casas wrote of one such practice describing the incorporation with religion into their terrible practices (??? unclear): "They made a gallows just high enough for the feet to nearly touch the ground, and by thirteens, in honour and reverence of our Redeemer and the twelve Apostles, they put wood underneath and, with fire, they burned the Indians alive." The passage reveals From this passage, it is quite clear that the Spanish considered themselves to be good Christians, and that not only did they think their actionsthat what they were doing was expectable, but also incorporatedby incorporating religion into their massacres, in which they showed that they thought it was in their rights to do so.

Everyone believed the popular assumption that the Indians were Although everyone who knew that Indians existed knew that they were uncivilized, and uneducated and it was also a popular belief that the Indians did not have the ability to learn, being as they were nonhuman. Father Las Cassas, did not, however believe that that was the caseopposed this belief. In "On the Inland of Hispaniola," Las Cassas wrote:

"God has created all these numberless people to be quite the simplest, without malice or duplicity, most obedient, most faithful to their natural Lords, and to the Christians, whom they serve..."

This statement is often interpreted Although at first glance it appears that Father Las Cassasis writingwrote that God has created them (who are them??) to be "stupid". (use another word for stupid and use active voice, don't use "to be")Further readings of this book indicate otherwise (avoid using first narrative )I do not think that this is the case, being that later on in this document , (The unabridged version) Las Casas wrote the following:

"They are innocent and pure in mind and have a lively intelligence, all of which makes them particularly receptive to learning and understanding the truths of our Catholic faith and to being instructed in virtue; indeed, God has invested them with fewer impediments in this regard than any other people on earth."

Thus, it would appear that Las Casas meant to say that did not mean to say that they were created stupid, but were made capable of being educated, but remained uneducated.

Although Las Casas and Juan Ginés were quick to defend the group that they were supporting, and to point out the wrongs of the other, each side failed to recognize the weight of the injury that their own side had done. The Indians were inaccurately portrayed bynot really the way Las Casas had portrayed them to be in his writings, and as a result, theyhehad damaged the Spanish a great deal more than hethe priest would have liked to admit. Nevertheless But even though the Indians afflicted the Spanish a good amount of damage in which the Spanish undoubtedly had done much greater harm to the Indians then they had received from them.

Along with Spanish's belief that they were far more superior then the Indians, there were manyother factors that contributed to why the reasons why the Spanish were so cruel to the Indians. To start with (use another sign post), the Indians were constantly attacking and destroying their settlements at random, and the Spanish returned the favourso it would only be natural for the Spanish to do the same to them . To add to thisAdditionally, the Spanish tried when the Spanish did wish to have a civilized peace treaty with the Indians, but the Indians backstabbed the Spanish because theyit was common for the tribe in which they had made an alliances with to attack them, being that each Indian had greater alliances withwithin his family and network of other tribes. The Spanish were unaware ofSo, for the Spanish who did not know about the Indian's separate alliances, and the peace treaty became complex.it must have greatly complicated things when an Indians from a tribe that they were at peace with would suddenly attack them. This would have given the Spanish the impression that the Indians were indeed, the untrustworthy anduncivilized savages that they thought them to be .

Oh by the way, Titles are italicized not "quoted".
K_Swiss   
Mar 8, 2009
Undergraduate / Unique Factors That Have Most Shaped Who You Are [6]

For the second one, yes you are correct. What do you want to change about the community? ex: more one-to-one conversations

As for the first, is there anything that affected you a lot? for ex: near death experience made you be more compassionate ...
K_Swiss   
Mar 8, 2009
Research Papers / What to include in an intro and critical reflection, women inequality @work [10]

I've used 7 sources, but I've only analyzed 3 of them specifically and generalized the bunch as they contain the same problem. Please criticize my critical reflection before tomorrow (the due date)?

This research proved that inequality persists in women's work because culture dictates the set of beliefs, norms and values for people to follow. The believed and acted upon the assumptions about women often strain their life chances.

Nevertheless, the theories presented are based on measuring inequality which is difficult to achieve, so that these theories are often false. The assumption that women were less committed due to "high turnover and absenteeism" was proved by using the representative sample method. Everyone has different reasons to leave work, and sociologists made correlations that made sense. Sometimes the inequality a certain group endures is unexplainable. Upward mobility to better pay of the 0.5% women out of the 4,012 well-paid officers does not fully explain why few women hold higher positions. On the other hand, inequality exists only as a mental concept. Women work in domestic economy because society has associated this group with the inside home responsibilities.

The majority of the authors and editors of the sources are female sociology and/or women studies professors, so that research can include biased information.

The concentrated group does not involve diverse ethnic citizens, the non-citizens of the nations, whether or not the studied group has children, the ages of these children and the socioeconomic class of the group. The evidences presented do not depict all situations of female work inequality. Women of this study live in developed nations, so that this research ignores the female work inequality in less-developed nations.

Further research of the topic, female inequality in the workforce, may reveal single-parent, immigrant, minority, working women who are below the middle class and minority men are at more disadvantaged positions than the group studied. Also, innovative technologies replaced most of the traditional women's work. However, women are slowly progressing to achieve homogeneity as men over time.


By the way, do I need to credit the proofs I've used previously again? The studied group is working, married, white women.
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