Writing Feedback / IELTS; Relationship of Personal Happiness and Economic Success [7]

Hi guys:: this is my writing for the topic : SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT PERSONAL HAPPINESS IS DIRECTLY RELATED TO ECONOMIC SUCCESS. OTHERS ARGUE THAT PERSONAL HAPPINESS DEPENDS ON COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FACTORS. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION...

People have different views about personal happiness. Self happiness may be a form of self respect, family relationship, and career stability or for some economic security. But, I personally believe that happiness differ from one person to other.

On the one hand, economic success it greatly influenced one's personal happiness. To reach the ladder of success, people intends to do what it takes to meet its own desire. Thus, fulfilling those desires, it makes their inner self happy and contented. For example, a single man, working in a company as ordinary staff for 20 years, and promoted for a higher position. This self fulfillment makes his self esteem high and mighty. For this reason, some people neglect other possible sources of self happiness and only focus their entire life grabbing economic success.

On the other hand, happiness is a vague emotional state, where in the source differ from individuals. For example, infants and babies main sources of happiness comes with their parents love, a group of teenager sources of happiness may be influenced by peer relationship, early and middle adult were focus on their career and searching for love and security, family orientation is first priority of adults, elderly focus on their past achievements and shortcomings. So, I believe that these factors are also accounted for self happiness.

In conclusion, it seems to me that personal happiness differ from every person, there are some who value their joy by securing economic success and material things. While others solely based on family matters, love and security. But, in the end of the line, happiness will always be happiness no matter what forms it comes.

Writing Feedback / IELTS:All teenagers should engage in voluntary community service; Agree or Not? [4]

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole.

Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, Community outreach program for teenagers become a common choice of many parents for their children. It offers many advantages for these group of people as well as for their society. Thus, sending them for free local community program is a positive option. I, personally agree because it benefits both teenagers and the community as a whole.

Firstly, teenager serving in a community program such as, free planting, clean and green program, health care services for poor and elderly,and setting other community events. These programs prepare them to be independent, learn to deal with daily problems, it enhance their capacity for socialization and further, strengthen their communication skills. Which is very useful for this moldable age group.

Secondly, many projects for the community will not be possible without a helping hands from its people. For example, if the teenager join the health care services for poor people and elderly event for free. It will not just teach them how to care for old people, hence, volunteering for this charity work open their eyes with the problems of others. As a result, it benefits both the society as a whole by creating a strong bonds to one another.

In conclusion, being part of volunteering group make an individuals worth more than any cents he/she will earn from other job, such as the value of friendship and camaraderie within the community as a whole.

Hope you help me to check my work! Thank you guys...