Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Knight14
Name: Amy Elfar
Joined: Nov 1, 2013
Last Post: Nov 4, 2013
Threads: 2
Posts: 9  
From: United States of America
School: Prospect High School

Displayed posts: 11
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Knight14   
Nov 1, 2013
Undergraduate / Doctor, world around me - Why Yale, short answers [3]

Hi. Here are my yale supplements which are due on Monday. I would appreciate all the help I can get. Feel free to be harsh, because I want to improve my essays as much as possible.

1E). In this essay, please reflect on something you would like us to know about you that we might not learn from the rest of your application, or on something about which you would like to say more. You may write about anything-from personal experiences or interests to intellectual pursuits. (Please answer in 500 words or less.)

My dream is to become a doctor. I grew up in Egypt, a country where the sick had limited care, and doctors had limited resources and a limited understanding of the patients' situation. My brother was diagnosed with a blood disorder that requires blood transfusions twice a month and constant doctor visits. He was diagnosed at the age of two months and has been in and out of hospitals countless times. I accompanied him on most visits and I used to watch the patients in pain, while the doctors were helpless. The limited resources surrounding the medical environment does not just include the lack of money to buy equipment, it also includes the lack of understanding and proper medical education that produces doctors who are not eligible to cure a patient. Watching all that I dreamt of becoming a doctor to be able to help such communities. When I moved to the states, my dream grew stronger because I saw a real chance to be able to help the less unfortunate in other parts of the world. I realized that I could get a proper education that others do not have access to and use that education to help them. In my English class sophomore year we had a project to choose an organization that helps the less fortunate and provide for needy communities and give a presentation on the topic. I chose to do my presentation on Doctors without Borders because I was fascinated by that organization and what they provide for people all over the world.

I want to be able to work with a similar organization. I want to use the education I receive to educate others in different aspects, so I can help improve their standard of living. The disease that my brother was diagnosed with could have been avoided and could be less widespread in Middle Eastern countries if couples learn about marriage tests and take the necessary precautions. Also doctors in those countries could offer more help to patients if they have a better understanding of their job. When I saw the way patients were treated in the US and Egypt I was shocked by the difference. In the US due to the doctors extensive knowledge and education, they are understand the patient's pains and try to provide as much care as they can to their patients, whether it is medical care or psychological care. However, the doctors in Egypt couldn't provide that to their patients due to the corrupt system, and the doctors' frustration that they cannot help their patients. I want to be able to help both doctors and patients to be more knowledgeable so they can lead healthier lives. That is my goal.

What in particular about Yale has influenced your decision to apply? (Please answer in 100 words or less).

I want to explore the world around me. Even though I am currently thinking of pursuing a career as a doctor, I want to be able to engage in discussions with students and professors about a wide range of subjects from economics to politics to literature. Also, with over 800 labs on campus I believe that I will be able to get the proper preparation for medical school (if I decide to pursue that career). Yale provides undergraduate students with the opportunity to co publish research with faculty members and the chance to have a family away from home through their Residential College Housing system.

Please respond in 25 words or fewer to each of the questions below:

a. You have been granted a free weekend next month. How will you spend it?
I will take my baby sister to the pool, work out, get enough sleep and finish my homework.

b. What is something about which you have changed your mind in the last three years?
I used to think of history as memorization of dates. Now I understand that learning history is key to succeeding in the future.

[i]c. What is the best piece of advice you have received while in high school?[/
Teamwork is the single most important ingredient to success.

d. What do you wish you were better at being or doing?
I wish I was a better writer.

e. [i]What is a learning experience, in or out of the classroom, that has had a significant impact on you?[/i]
Group discussions in my AP Language class last year helped me overcome my fear of stating my opinion and participating in class discussions.

If any of your education prior to secondary school has taken place outside of the country where you currently reside, please list the dates of attendance, institution, country and language of instruction.

Pre-k through 7th grade. Egypt. Egypt Modern School. English and Arabic.
Knight14   
Nov 2, 2013
Undergraduate / My Mother, my idol; University of Florida; meaningful event, experience or accomplishment [3]

She has also taught me how to be a man of integrity.
After nearly dying under my father's watch
She separated from my father and moved us into a new home, and was determined to sacrifice whatever she needed to protect my siblings and me.

something such as learning a new subject or new maneuver in a sport, (no commas needed after such as)
My goal is to earn my degree in Mechanical engineering and assist in making our world as efficient as possible.
Even though I play sports and am in other extracurricular activities, I continue to work hard to keep my grades up. Reading this sentence, I feel like extracurriculars and sports are more important to you than grades.
Knight14   
Nov 2, 2013
Undergraduate / REPUTATION/ EXCELLENT ACADEMICS/ ATHLETIC SUCCESS; "Why Stanford?" [6]

I didn't know that there was a Why Stanford essay.
I don't know if saying that you were first attracted to Stanford is a big name is a good idea. Also you need to put more you in the essay and what you can bring to the school, not just what the school can do for you.
Knight14   
Nov 2, 2013
Undergraduate / Stanford Supplements- extracurricular, roommate, freedom, intellectual, and short answers [2]

These are my current drafts for the Stanford prompts. All help is appreciated and feel free to be harsh/honest. I am grateful for all feedback that I can receive. Also I am not sure if I answered the intellectual vitality essay correctly since the prompt is too vague.

Stanford Prompt #1: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. (150 word limit.)
Last summer, I volunteered at Ann and Robert H. Lurie Children's Hospital. I was assigned to play with patients and their relatives. Some children were excited to spend time playing with me while others took longer to open up to me. I worked only on Tuesdays, but it became my favorite day of the week. I loved my job since it gave me a sense of accomplishment. Looking at a smiling child was my source of satisfaction and content. One time my supervisor brought over a child to babysit. He would not talk to me at first, but after a while he opened up to me and we played together until my supervisor came back to bring him to his parents. I stayed for an extra hour enjoying our conversation, exchanging jokes, smiles and information with him, not realizing that my shift was over.

Prompt #3: Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development. (250 word limit.)
My brother, at the age of two months, was diagnosed with a blood disorder that requires blood transfusions twice a month and constant doctor visits. As my brother was growing he needed someone to relieve the pain so I used to accompany him on his hospital visits. I used to watch the patients in pain, while the doctors were helpless. The limited resources surrounding the medical environment does not just include the lack of money to buy equipment, it also includes the lack of understanding and proper medical education that produces doctors who are not eligible to cure a patient. Even before I realized the core of the problem, I dreamt of becoming a doctor to be able to help such communities.

I want to be able to work with organizations similar to Doctors without Borders who help developing countries lead healthier lives. I want to use the education I receive to educate others in different aspects, so I can help improve their standard of living. As most of the hereditary diseases in developing countries, the disease that my brother was diagnosed with could have been avoided if premarriage tests are properly enforced and necessary precautions are taken. In developing countries, people suffer from numerous diseases due to lack of proper healthcare, and unsanitary living conditions. I want to be able to help both doctors and patients in developing countries to be more knowledgeable so they can lead healthier lives. That is my goal.

Stanford Prompt #4: Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate -- and us -- know you better. (250 word limit).

Dear future roommate,
I am Amy Elfar, your new best friend for the next four years. I am Egyptian, and I moved to the US in eighth grade. I have been sharing a room with my older sister ever since I was born, so I am used to sharing a room. I am the organized type, but I would not call myself a neat freak. I can stay up the whole night working on an assignment or studying for a test, so I hope you can sleep with some lights on. I don't mind having visitors over, but not on school nights, sleep is important to me. I like taking long walks, going to the movies with friends, and dining out and trying different kinds of local food. My parents say I am determined, to which I won't disagree. If I make up my mind, it is hard to change it. I am also optimistic. I love volunteering for good causes and helping others. One more interesting fact about me: I've never been to a concert or a play (unless you count school plays). Also, I am scared of roller coasters (which gives my friends and family a chance to mock me).

I am looking forward to going fountain hopping with you. See you soon.
Amy Elfar

Stanford Prompt #5: What matters to you, and why? (250 word limit)
Freedom is what matters to me, freedom to express one's political opinions, to practice the religion one chooses, and all examples of freedom. It is disappointing when people get killed or thrown in jail because they are expressing their ideas without harming others. Even though the US might not have an issue with freedom since it is a right protected by the Bill of Rights, some countries are not fortunate enough to have their rights protected. For example the current situation in the Arab spring. People who try to express their opinions are threatened. In Egypt, anyone who disagrees with the current government or sympathizes with the Muslim Brotherhood is regarded as a terrorist threatening the stability of the nation. Such actions are driven by the citizens' lack of knowledge about their own country, and their lacking ability to identify the real threat to their stability. Living in the US, I have come to realize the importance of freedom and the right to express one's self. It is a right that should be granted to all humans because no one has the right to control another individual's thoughts or beliefs.

Stanford Prompt #2: Please respond to the following seven inquiries so we can get to know you better. Do not feel compelled to use complete sentences.

1. Name your favorite books, authors, films, and/or musical artists.
My favorite books are To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee, The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls, and Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury. My favorite movies include the Harry Potter series.

2. What newspapers, magazines, and/or websites do you enjoy?
I like reading the New York Times and the Chicago Tribune.

3. What is the most significant challenge that society faces today? (50 word limit.)
The most significant challenge that society faces today is gun control. Gun control rules are needed to avoid accidents such as the Sandy Hook Elementary school and others. Victims are dying partially because of the lack of restriction on obtaining guns.

4. How did you spend your last two summers? (50 word limit.)
Every summer, we take a family vacation in Wisconsin Dells which I enjoy so much. Tennis is my favorite sport, and I like to play with my brother and friends. Also, watching movies with my friends is a favorite summer activity of mine.

5. What were your favorite events (e.g., performances, exhibits, sporting events, etc.) this past year? (50 word limit.)
Being a Chicago girl I was proud of the Blackhawks winning the Stanley Cup for the fifth year. I enjoyed watching the game with my brother who is a strong fan. I saw my school's production of the Wedding Singer last year with my friends.

6. What historical moment or event do you wish you could have witnessed? (50 word limit.)
I wish I could have participated in the writing of the constitution. It would have been a great honor to take part in shaping the law for a great nation.

7. What five words best describe you?
Humorous, caring, curious, loud, hardworker
Knight14   
Nov 2, 2013
Undergraduate / "Trust me, I won't let you go." ; Something unnoticed [2]

This is an inspiration to me that allows me to trust myself and overcome my own fears, like Sophie did when she finally took my hand and emerged into the water.

Take the step off the edge of the pool into the unknown, and trust that there will be someone there to guide me as well.

But with my family and friends' support, I am not afraid of moving away to ensure that I move forward. Don't start the sentence with but.

I am no longer afraid of taking the step, (what step?) we all have a path that is clouded by unknowns, my faith will allow for trust during my journey. I think it would be better if you split this sentence to 2-3 shorter sentences

with me as a constant reminders of inspiration and faith.

Can you please read my essays
Knight14   
Nov 3, 2013
Undergraduate / I belong in California, the U.K., Singapore: What matters to you and why? [5]

a distinct but intangible No commas needed here
My relatives are spread out from coast to coast, and my friends
What I do know, is No commas needed
With every class I take, I learn Comma needed here
but also discover more about myself
Whether I belong in California, the U.K., Singapore, a lab, or an operating room, I am eager to carve out my path and find what lights my fire, what I can contribute to the world, and where I feel most content. Too long, try to split it

Can you please read my stanford essays as well? Thanks
Knight14   
Nov 4, 2013
Undergraduate / Mother inspiration, Artificial world - Stanford - Intellectual Vitality [8]

I feel your pain. Mine is due tonight as well. For your first essay I think you should have a stronger conclusion that ties the topic back to you. The second one i can't give you much advice on since I am struggling with it myself. Good luck on your apps
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