Undergraduate / "The Bull Within Me" - UC Prompt #2 [4]

Hello, please give me feedback on my essay. The more the merrier, thank you!

My head is a raging bull

Most of the time, I am able to control the volatile actions of my head. I imagine my consciousness as a matador, deft in its ability to tame the mad beast. However, if you were to meet me for the first time, and I tried to describe to you my head's brash temperament, forceful kicking power, and brutally sharp horns, you would think I am out of my mind. In fact, you might even think I am being facetious. At least that is what everyone in the audience thought at the national dance competition last summer. As I started to perform my solo hip hop piece in front of the several hundred faces in the audience, my head started to put on an animalistic performance of its own on stage, independent of the rest of my body. My stomach started to churn with anxiety as I tried to subdue the savage beast by clenching my shoulders and tightening the muscles in my neck, executing anything in my control to possibly stop the audience from becoming distracted and diverting its focus off of the fruit of hours of diligent rehearsal the rest of my body was displaying. Ultimately, I was unsuccessful at trying to hide the bull within me.

Tourette Syndrome is a beast I have lived with all my life. The symptoms of my Tourettes, referred to as tics, consist of uncontrollable spasm-like movements, such as head jerking, clenching of muscles, and excessive blinking. Childhood may have been the only time in my life when I was entirely oblivious to my Tourettes. Somehow during this time, people did not seem distracted when I interacted with them. I was fully accepted by others, as if it were somehow completely normal to be a human, cymbal-banging monkey toy. The constant jerking of my head was affectionately referred to as 'rocking out' by those around me, something I am fondly reminded of when watching a particular home video of my seventh birthday party, where my mom is playfully telling my friends gathered around our dining room table, "Don't worry, (my name) is just rocking out," as I uncontrollably nodded my head in several attempts to blow out my candles, all while sporting a wide grin across my face.

As you can imagine, there is a darker side to my life with Tourettes. As we grow older, our perceptions change, and my tics were not cast in such an innocent light by peers as they once were during childhood.

You might be able to foretell the conclusion of my story. This is the part in my essay where you expect me to ramble on about the negative influences Tourettes has had on my life. I could do this, however, if I were to, I think I would have to turn myself in for animal cruelty. Tourettes may seem a vicious and harmful creature on the outside, but in truth, it is just misunderstood. Contrary to what I am sure most people would assume, Tourettes is indubitably the greatest gift and doorway to opportunity that I have received thus far in my life. Sure, it has presented its challenges, challenges that I still deal with every single day. Yet, it is because of the hurdles Tourettes has put in my way that I am driven to push past my comfort zone, and to take on challenges and seek opportunities that seem beyond my capabilities and initial expectations. If it weren't for Tourette Syndrome, my life would have slipped into mediocrity after childhood, and the grin I happily wore during my 7th birthday party would cease to exist. There is no hiding Tourette Syndrome, the bull within me.

Undergraduate / Touching the dogs / Coding months / Mirage life - Stanford [3]

Hello! I would really appreciate it if you could briefly spend some time shortening and critiquing some of these short essays. It would mean a lot to me, and I could most definitely help out with your essays. Also, the more harsh you are, the better! :)

Stanford supplement. No issue with the word limit here, just please critique, thank you!
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences(150 word limit):

"Don't not touch the dogs, they have fleas." The kids were touching the dogs; I touched the dogs. "Do not drink the water, you will get a disease!" The kids were drinking the water; I drank the water. "Please, don't play with that boy, he is sick." I played with Eduardo to his hearts content.

My primary task in the impoverished village of Madre Salve, Puerto Vallarta, Mexico was to install the solar water heaters I had created in conjunction with the non-profit PledgeToHumanity. This was supposed to be something phenomenal that we were doing for these people, yet I couldn't help but feel a considerable lack of emotion, and hardly any fulfillment. However, by breaking the boundary of these people, and getting to know the kids as individuals by attempting to walk in their bodily small yet (adjective) heavy shoes, I came to appreciate the impact of my trip ten-fold.

Stanford supplement. Major word limit issue, I'm about 100 words over. Please try to shorten this essay as much as you can, and critique if possible. Thanks!

Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development. (250 word limit.):

It had been a coding-intensive and often-grueling 3 months that summer at NextBio. My team of 4 other interns and I were tasked with implementing a large portion of the company's database onto an iOS platform via an app that we had constructed and perfected for almost the entire breadth of the summer. Our internship would be over the day after tomorrow, however, tomorrow would be laden with our most daunting task yet; presenting our summers work in a board meeting with almost the entire company in attendance. Before stepping out into the cold that night to catch the 6:10pm Caltrain home, I decided to stay a little later than usual, just to look over our program again, and also to ease my methodical tendencies/compulsions. There I was, sitting behind my desk for what I thought was going to be the last time, admiring/fingering the soft cushion-like material that lined my cubical, when I noticed a part of our app wasn't receiving data from the company's APIs. I jerked forward in my seat, having realized this problem was a lot more serious than I had expected. The fix required the use of a coding language called PHP, something that was completely foreign to me, as I was versed in another language called Objective-C. There simply was not enough time to scour the internet to learn as much PHP as I could stomach, so instead, I frantically scurried around the office floor, introducing myself to as many employees that had not left yet, listening to their insights on how to fix the problem using PHP, all while learning something about their lives on a personal level. With their collective input, I was able to concoct a solution and fix our program, all while catching the 7:35pm train in the knick of time.

While the world of computer programming requires logical, algorithmic thinking, and a methodical approach to finding solutions, this way of thinking cannot be the sole formula for success in this field.

There is an interpersonal aspect to the work environment that I learned is paramount for a programmer to develop, which strengthens both the work pertaining to programming tasks, and being a holistic person.

Stanford supplement. No issue with the word limit here, just please critique, thank you!
What matters to you, and why? (250 word limit.)

We drudgingly drag our bodies through the desert of life, developing an unquenchable thirst for truth. We slap our faces into the sandy slabs of earth while wandering around the desert, mouths bone dry, as we look for signs of water and vegetation, anything to shield us from the jarringly cruel conditions of this world. Miraculously, some are able to spot something promising out of the corner of their eyes: Their perceived utopia; that is, the mirage of "success" as defined by our current socioeconomic constructs.

My life is this mirage. It is the realization of success that so many dream of, and few confront. I wake up every morning to the sound of an old car horn on an iPhone 4s, frantically reaching for the snooze button so that I can soak my fingers and toes back into the plush blanket and pillow of a memory foam bed. I wake up to the presence of the amiable California sunlight gleaming into my own room through French window panes, the rays gently warming my checks and caressing my eyelids open. The taste of perfectly tempered hot chocolate prepared by my working mother who considers my needs and wants before hers on a daily basis, finds me. Most importantly, I awake every single morning with the knowledge that I'm living in a dream so far flung from reality, that it is a mere mirage to ninety-nine percent of my fellow inhabitants on this planet.

Some would consider these physical amenities that I am fortunate to be surrounded by the real truth and realization of supreme success. However, I would highly disagree with this notion.

While my world is very comfortable, copious with luxuries that I take for granted at times, it is the stark contrast of my life with the realities of the vast majority of people on earth that has spurred me to help improve the lives of others. One of the most significant outlets in my life that allows me to contribute to others' lives is computer science. Through writing code, I have been able to create solar water heaters for an underserved community in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, and help implement a company's database onto a secure iOS platform, endeavors that attest to not only the revolutionizing power of code, but my journey, characterized by a longing to change the world for others and help them realize their true potential and oasis amidst the economically barren circumstances that find them.

Undergraduate / USC Supplement Essays for a hopeful computer science and business administration major [13]

Hello! If you don't mind, I would highly appreciate feedback and criticism of my USC supplement essays. Glad to help anyone else out with their essays too.

In a short paragraph, please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. (250 word limit)

Finishing the last line of code, I eased back into the comforting depths of my reclining chair. In just 19 hours, the other interns and I would present our work in a board meeting to the company's executives. As my partners took leave for the night, I could not help but stay a little longer just to make sure our app was running smoothly. Waiting for one final diagnostic test to finish, I grabbed some Indian food from the company kitchen; returning, I discouragingly found that our program had failed the test. With an exponentially increasing level of anxiety, I learned that our app was not receiving data from the company's APIs. Versed in a language called Objective-C, I sat utterly clueless as to how I was going to fix this problem that required a language called PHP. Rather than succumbing, I scurried around the office floor, introducing myself to as many employees that had not left work yet to ask for their advice. With everyone's collective input, I was luckily able to concoct a solution to fix our program.

As an intern at NextBio, I learned that there is a lot more to being a successful programmer than just knowing how to code. While having a methodical, logically driven approach to solving problems can be beneficial in its own right, it is the understanding that there may not always be a linear solution in this parabolic world that can ultimately pave the path out of a difficult quandary.

Describe your academic interests and how you plan to pursue them at USC. Please feel free to address your first- and second-choice major selections.(250 word limit)

In the world of academia, I've never felt like I completely fit under any one category or label. If you were to ask what my favorite subject is, I would say computer science as you rolled your eyes, murmuring that computer science is not a real subject. When asked what I do for fun, I would mention taking entrepreneurial classes and watching interviews of successful entrepreneurs every night before bed. Then, when you inquire what I plan to major in, I would grapple desperately with the question, attempting to provide a befitting answer, but ultimately falling short yet again, unable to choose between computer science and business administration. However, when I learned that USC offers a major in both computer science and business administration while visiting the campus last year, my heart quite literally skipped a beat. I had finally found the answer to all my questions.

With a distinctive education from both the renowned Viterbi School of Engineering and Marshall School of Business, I plan to establish myself as a multifaceted entrepreneur with essential skills in computer science and business administration needed to start a company that will create technological innovation in the world. As the only major institution in the world to offer a unique major that seems to fit my academic interests like a key does a lock, USC is where I aspire to become molded into a leader of tomorrow, and equally as important, USC is an academic institution where I know I can be myself.

How do you plan to use your engineering degree to benefit society? (250 word limit)

In one moment, I was huddled with my cousins in my uncle Omid's office, fiercely debating who would be brave enough to conquer the menacing contraption that stood before us. 1 minute and 180 degrees later, I was suspended upside down as Sergey Brin was strapping my feet to the apparatus. As my body started to spin in a gyroscopic manner, a smile lit my face in knowing I had conquered my fear. Back into orbit and slightly disoriented, I stepped into a new world as the 9-year-old king of the Googleplex! However, as I triumphantly walked towards my cousins, Sergey mentioned something that would change the course of my life: "Keeon, your shoe is untied." After several failed attempts and a face bright as a tomato, I had to ask my uncle for assistance. As my cousins burst into laughter, I distinctly remember Sergey remarking, "Sometimes solving big problems is easier than solving little ones."

Given my socioeconomic standing in society, I now realize the sagacity of Sergey's words. Too often, people who are in a position like mine are so enthralled in pursuing their own dreams that they neglect contributing to seemingly "smaller" problems in comparison, such as like helping people in need. As an aspiring computer scientist and social entrepreneur, I plan to benefit society by tackling some of its greatest concerns using my skills, while never letting the pain of those who suffer seem too insignificant or difficult of a problem to get tripped up on.

Some people categorize engineers as geeks or nerds. Are you a geek, nerd, or neither? Why? (250 word limit)

Geek, nerd...how about artist?
At 220 pixels per inch of retina display, my canvas of choice provides a grandiose stage for artistic manifestation. My equivalent to a set of pencils and paintbrushes is more like a digitized arsenal of dynamic data tables and UILabels. In contrast to drawn-out strokes of the hand and light flicking of the wrist, my fingers fly across a keyboard furiously, disseminating small traces of oil in their wake, which are only to be smudged into each key multiple times until the keyboard possesses a glossy black sheen of its own.

Computer science is undeniably an art form in itself. While parallels can be drawn between the methods by which a computer scientist creates a computer program and the process a traditional painter utilizes, this juxtaposition might not hold relevancy to all programmers. From the perspective of a nerd, the creation of code is a purely computational process that only requires logical thinking and a methodical approach to problem solving, leaving no room for abstraction. On the other hand, a geek may be more appreciative of the qualitative value of code, exasperatingly sharing this with the people around them, regardless of whether or not they want to hear it.

I believe that by treating computer science as an art, there is both the level of precision and accuracy a nerd has, the innate appreciation for all things computational a geek possesses, along with a level of moderation and flare that is unique to an artist.