Writing Feedback / I strongly oppose to the use of TV ads on young children [5]

Hello everyone,
I'm a newbie and going to take the TOELF iBT in next few months. Here I have a topic which is "Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed ". Personally I took this topic not easy. It took me nearly 1 hour to think up a decent explanation :( I know that's too bad. Moreover, I'm even not sure whether this explanation makes a strong sense. Please give me your opinion about my essay. Thank you so much :)

Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed.
"Until today, among the explosion of multi-media advertising tools, television advertising has seemed to be the most efficient one with cheap cost and viral effect. It has massive audiences; with a TV everyone can watch any programs in anywhere and at anytime they like, which means a chance for the ads' makers to spread their message by inserting it intentionally between those programs. However, not all people are well-equipped to comprehend their messages appropriately; some, especially little children, might easily mistake those messages, causing some worst effects. Here I would point out those adversaries.

To begin with, since young children, especially those who aged 2 to 5, lack the ability to perceive the difference between a commercial and a program, they are prone to accept whatever included in the repetitive child-oriented ads. This precarious behavior might incur in them a tendency toward what they like, with little consideration whether it is good or harmful to their health. For example, a massive exposure to a cereals' ads might result in a cancelation of other better nutrient food at a very young age, which becomes an indelible habit when the child grows up. Thus, without a tight restriction on those repetitive ads, we will have a young generation with little right choices benefiting for their health.

Moreover, TV ads makers are showing their greed by deliberately using some iconic characters, such as Spider Man or Superman, to trigger a voracious demands of a kids. In their ads, for example, the Spider man would say what he will buy and use to become brave and cool. The mentioned products, as we, adults, would say, have little effect on bringing along some "cool" factors since they are normally what we eat and drink and wear every day, however, they are super "cool" in a child's mind. Thus, being allowed using ads like this means that the ads maker is granted a considerable leverage: whenever he wants to persuade to child to try something, he brings it to the icon! This phenomenon, for that reason, can inflame a considerable amount of unreasonable requests from the kid to his parents, and might put his parents under pressure to make a decision toward his favor, since if they don't do so, they might have serious conflicts with him.

To sum up, I strongly oppose to the use of TV ads on young children. Moreover, parents play a very important part on deciding which is good for their children. They should act as a barrier protecting their children from seduced images and context. With better care and guiding, I believe that we can cultivate a more healthy young generation."

Writing Feedback / Should parents interfere in any money-spending decision of their kids? [2]

Please tell me your opinion of my explanation. Thanks so much!

In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at a young age.

Many people are of opinion that parents should interfere in any money-spending decision of their kids since they believe that children are generally too young to comprehend the value of money. However, I oppose to this belief and think that it's better to let children learn to manage their own money, which helps them become responsible adults in the future. Here I will clarify my viewpoint.

To begin with, it is widely acknowledged that parents should not yield to all of their kids' rampant wishes, but instead teach them how to use their budget wisely by saving up for their critical need and spending appropriately. By saving, they will have their own budget to pay for their personal demands such as toys, school appliances, or anything they wish. This good habit will help them be more selective in every decision they make, since they learn that if they really want to buy something, they need to save up by themselves, not only rely on their parents' budget. And, with careful explanation of what is worth to buy and what is not from parents, children have well-substantiated information to make right decision; their savings will divert into beneficial sources for their developments.

Additionally, they can also comprehend the value of hard-work that brings about that money. To use a limited budget in a most economical way while there are numerous critical demands to spend for, they will realize that how hard their parents have been struggled to bring them a sufficient life. They learn that they cannot have everything they wish immediately and that it takes time to build up everything. Thus, they will be more patient and have less unreasonable cravings. Children with little independence from parents in spending, in contrast, tend to be more extravagant and heedless, which make them prone to spoils when they grow up. Thus, by teaching children how to govern their amounts, parents are incurring in them a substantial understanding of hardship value, helping them become more financially-attentive adults.

To sum up, in order to become grown-up adults in financial decision, children are in need of good spending habits bestowed at an early stage of development. To achieve that goal, parents should make a good guidance by teaching them how to make right choice of products, encouraging them save up for that choice and spend wisely. In addition, children can also learn the hardship behind their spending, which make them less prone to wasteful decisions when they grow up.

Writing Feedback / In today's world, it is more important to work quickly and risk making mistakes than to work slowly [3]

Please help me revise my essay. Thank you very much!

In today's world, it is more important to work quickly and risk making mistakes than to work slowly and make sure everything is correct.

One question in our today's world: what is the best approach to undertake your work effectively? Whether one should work as fast as possible, regardless entailing risks or should work slowly and mindfully? The answer, as far as I'm concerned, is a matter of balancing pros and cons. Here I would clarify my viewpoint.

To begin with, let me take an example from the stock market. As in the stock market, an investor has to make very quick decision whether to sell or buy stocks according to the fluctuations of the market. He can make a final decision after speculating on data analysis; however, as the market is fickle, he cannot expect his speculation is 100% right, and, its dramatic variations give him little time to delay on making up his mind. Similarly, in commerce and trading, entrepreneurs have to grab promising chances venturing in unexplored businesses as quick as possible. This makes them as pioneers in those markets, and thus, they are likely prone to unprecedented success. In addition, they also prevent those chances coming into their competitors' hand. Thought there are many risks to address, it is important to them to make a quick move. Hence, in this first consideration, I would value fast undertakings over careful speculations.

On the other hand, to some certain people, it is obliged to follow rules strictly and do work carefully. For examples, for doctors and nurses, they cannot make rash decisions and carry out their diagnosis hastily. Instead, they must be very attentive and keen on judgments. Before reaching the final conclusion, they must have their patients done various kinds of medical tests, and in some cases, they even have to consult other experienced professionals in order to make the correct judgment. As we all have known, a little mistake can result to a tremendous disaster if they are not extremely mindful at their job. In this case, I would agree that working slowly and heedfully is more important than making quick decision.

In summary, it is important to have the best approach to your professional. While in some adventurous business being quick and decisive plays an important part to success, in other areas such as healthcare, being attentive is critical to accomplishment. Thus, one should know clearly what field they are standing in and make a right stance for their work.

Writing Feedback / To get them ready for the adult life, should teenage children be encouraged to take a part-time job? [3]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Learning to prepare for adult life requires harmonious efforts. For some parents, they believe that it is taking a part-time job which grounds the best preparation. While this is true to some extent, other parents argue that more focus should be paid on learning instead. While both views have advantages and disadvantages, to choose what view to hold requires careful speculation.

On one hand, part-time working takes lots of time and effort and in turn yields so many lessons to learn. Teenagers can save their out-of-school time for money-yielding work so that they can learn more about value of hard work and how to manage their financial budget. Taking my cousin, a senior student, as an example, she started to save up earnings from her part-time work at a local restaurant so as to have her own budget for personal demands such as clothes, books and bus fares. Having her own money also means she can share financial burden with her parents. In addition, she consumed less time on partying and extravagant purposes and instead exerted herself to serve customers charmingly. Her hard work at the restaurant has also helped her feel more empathy toward her parents' sacrifice and thus, appreciate the money in her pocket and know how to spend it wisely.

On the other hand, exposing children to work at an early age might result specific drawback. Making money at a very young age is so seductive that it can keep them away from school and friends. Since they are young and generally immature, they are prone to disillusion of money power; the more money they make, the more things they can buy and thus, the more work replacing communication with friends and intellectual practice that are critical for their development.

For all the above reasons, parents should pay much consideration toward their children part-time job. Since social interaction and studying is essential to teenagers' development, parents should be mindful to decide to what extent their children are allowed to work. Parents should also warn those immature kids of the harmful effects of overexposing to money-making and teach them how to balance their demands and income supply.

To sum up, part-time working has undisputed advantages for teenage children's development. However, since they are generally young and ill-equipped, they are inclined to drench in money makings supplying for their needs, causing negative consequences. As a result, parents should encourage their children to take a part-time job with careful guidance so as to balance its negative effects on their children.