Writing Feedback / The eating habits and lifestyle of children in different countries/generations. [10]

Topic: In many countries today, the eating habits and lifestyle of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this has had a negative effect on their health.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is every parents' priority to raise healthy children and protect them from the bad effects of the enviorement where they may gain unhealthy eating habits and a life style which has bad effects on them. In my point of view, the eating habits and lifesytle of the previous generation was better than today. They did not have too many opportunities but eating at proper restaurants or home.

There was a considerable change on childrens' eating habits and lifestyle especially after the invention of fast food. Once people enjoyed having fast food instead of proper homemade food, cities were surrounded by number of fast food restaurants and takeaways. Today, it is spreaded all over the world and becoming a big concern for parents.

A proper homemade food obtains less fat which is very important for health. In my childhood, I was forced to eat homemade food by my parents althought I liked the taste of fast food more. 2 years ago, there was a documentary on tv about someone who ate only fast food for a period of 4 weeks. After this period, he went to doctor for a check up and found out that he would lose his liver unless he stops eating rhe way he used to for the last 4 weeks. This documentary proves us how dangerous it is to have an unhealthy eating habit.

In conclusion, there are number of benefits of eating homemade food when it is compared to fast food, and takeaways. Parents should make their children be aware of these benefits so those children will avoid having an unhealthy eating habit and lifesytle. Eventually, they will become healthy individuals.

( Well.. I just checked my essay. I didn't have time to check because I was running out of time, and I also did not want to make changes after I finished the essay coz it wouldnt be like a real exam then. I forgot to discuss about lifestyle I guess. My essay didn't seem right to me right now : ) I wonder if you see any potential here and would be glad if you give me a detalied comment. Thanks alot )

Writing Feedback / "poor countries in the world" - wealthy nations to be required to share their wealth? [12]

Topic: Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as foods and education or is it the responsibility of the governments of poor nations to look after their citizens themselves?

There are a number of poor countries in the world that is not capable of looking after themselves without wealthy countries' help. The government of these poor countries are struggling to provide food and education for their inhabitatnts. Therefore, they are becoming more dependant to developed countries day after day.

There are several undeveloped nations in the world such Africa and a part of Asia that is struggling with hunger, serious illnesses and deaths caused by poverty. Moreover, governments can not provide education for children in these nations. There is an undeniable need of food and education for these poor cuntries that wealthy countries should provide.

On the other hand, there are some disadvantages of being provided food and education by wealthy countries. Since we were introduced with the term of impreialism in the 19th century, the monopoloy of powerful countries on poorer ones has created a large number of colonies in the world. As technologhy is not developed in poorer countries, it is very difficult for governments to use reasources in their countries and look after themselves. This situaon mostly ends up with being a colony of a powerful country. As a result of this, the culture, language and lifesytle of the poorer country will be effected and this may cause assimilation.

In conclusion, poorer countries should find a way to use their resources and be able to provide major needs for their inhabitants. Howeever, they might have to accept wealthy countries' help in order to make this process easier.

( In the las pragraph, I wanted to end up saying there must be a limit of getting help or something like that.. I did not know how to express that.)

Writing Feedback / Ielts essay. Working women and children [8]

Topic: The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion ?

From the very beginning of existence of humankind, women was given the role of taking care of house work and children by society in almost every culture. Meanwhile, men was obligated to provide food and major needs of the family. This trend has changed since 1980s and now a majority of women are working for several reasons such as the need of socialising and sharing the burden of husband. However, it was then claimed that the children were badly affected and having lots of problems such as behavial disorder without the care of mother. Just as I support the idea of women working, I also admit that in some cases this situation affects children in a bad way.

First, there is an undeniable necessary need of having a role in social life for women. They have the need of being more independent and self-confident. Working is an option to satisfy this need and become social individuals. Due to the fact that there will be no parent to take care of children during work hours, someone is hired to take on this duty. In spite of this, they leave the children to their grandparents to take care of. Both situations can be considered a temporary solution.

On the other hand, it is admittedly a big amount of time that any parents will not be able to spend with their children during work hours.It can not be guaranteed that children who are taken care of by their own mothers will not experience any problems in life, but there is no doubt that the children will not have the lack of mother care and their personalities will not be shaped without parents' protection and care.

In conclusion, it is possible to find temporary solutins to take care of children while mother is working, but i believe that any other solutins can not replace mothers role for children.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: International Tourism - TENSION or UNDERSTANDING? [11]

Topic: Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, international tourism creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures.
To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

There is an undeniable increase in international tourism while travelling is not as expensive as it used to be when it is compared to the past. Tourism hereby has become and effective connection between different people and cultures instead of a limited number of exceptional events which creates tension between people.

Firstly, tourism is one of the major source of incomes for nations' economy. Tourists pay for main needs such as accomodation and food. Also, they have to pay an amount of money in order to attend several activities. In spite of this, they have the opportunity to meet mew people from different cultures and learn about the history of the place and locals' lifesyle. Moreover, it is a very effective way of advertising if a good impression is made on the people who visited the country. They herebey will tell others about their experiences and help them get rid of the prejudgements.

On the other hand, in some cases it may have an opposite affect between people of different cultures. In 1998, a Swedish couple was attacked by locals when they were in ( X ) and one of them was killed, unfortunately. This event has created a tension between people of these nations, just after it was published at the press. However, it did not affect the tourism between those countries as much as it was predicted.

In conlusion, I believe that tourism is still the most effective way to learn about different type of people and cultures instead of searching through internet and television.

I just checked my essay. I am giving a supportive example and cutting it there. Like jumping from one subject to another. I get it but I cant fix it : )

Undergraduate / Capital Punishment (the death penalty) Essay. Should be allowed or not? [11]

Topic: Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment in essential to control violence in society.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

To execute some of criminals will not make our lives more secure than before. People are facing a number of crimes such as robbery and assault on the streets which are putting our lives into more risks.

Since it started to be debated by the lawmakers whether it is essential or not, capital punishment has ben removed from a large number of countries' criminal codes in the last few decades. United Nation takes the main role in Europe. However, some countries such as Iran, China and a part of United States stil put capital punishment into practise. In my opinion, there is no benefit of keeping death penalty as a punishment for people who is harmed.

As dying is one of the most common fears of people, it can be claimed that death penalty can be considered as an exemplery for the individuals who cause crimes of violence in the society. However, I believe that people who have potential to cause such a big crime of violence that will en up with a death penalty will not be capable of directing their emotions and behaviours in the right way to make the right decisions unless they recieve psychotherapy or any other help. Furthermore, there had not been a considerable decrease in the amount of crime of violence while death penalty was put into practise.

One the other hand, it can be argued that governments are doing these criminals a favor by putting them into jails and providing food and place to live instead of executing. They also say that the economy of the nations are effected in the negative way. Nowadays, most nations' governemtns are complaining about the crowd of criminals and having difficulties to provide place for more. However, supporting to execute some criminals in order to make room for more does not include a rational point of view.

Putting criminals into jails is already an effective way to punish them. Depending on the 'severity'(not sure this is the right word) of the crime, they might be sentenced to live there for the rest of their lives. Not supporting capital punishment does mean to protect the criminals. Moreover executing them wwill not make our lives more secure. Our lives will still be secure as long as they are not in social life untill they are aware what they have done wrong. Sometimes it not even enough.

Writing Feedback / Ielts : working children; Good or bad? [6]

Topic: In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as a valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

Depending on what age they are, it can be debated whether children should be encouraged to work or not. I believe that there must be restrictions on working children created by lawmakers depending on their age.

Admitting that working to have expereince is very important for children in the long term, it must be restricted by codes considering their age. In most countries in the world children, under the age of 11, are not allowed to do any kind of work. Between the ages of 11 and 15, they are allowed to do some kind of paid work which their mental and physical health will not be affected in the negative way. Eventually, between the ages of 15 and 18 they are allowed to do most kind of work.

Work experience and responsibility should be built on a well education in order to be successful in life. To me, parents should not allow their children to work before the age of 18. It would admittledly be difficult for children to focus on education, while they are being distracted by work. However, as an exception, they might be allowed to do work on particular fields which can assist them in their education life. As an example, children who want to specialize on a profession could be allowed to work somewhere can provide this experience to them before they attend to university as long as their education life in previous stages will not be affected in the negative way.

On the other hand, as a result of enonomic reasons, in several countries which are struggling with poverty children see it as an obligation to be engaged in some kind of paid work, no matter what age they are and what kind of work it is. This is a kind of responsibility which they should take instead of having a valuable experience to assit them in their education life. In these countries, there is a large number of children under the age of 15 doing hard work which might affect their mental and physical health.

In conclusion, as I consider the economics facts that put responsiblity on children to be engaged in some kind of paid work, I believe that this issue should be considered in the long term for their mental and physical health instead of the experience they will have and it should be restricted by the lawmakers.

This is my last essay before I take the Ielts exam. It is going to be a long day tomorrow : ). I appreciate the effort you guys make to help people like me. Thank you.