Posts by Niddumakhi

Niddumakhi

Mar 15, 2015

Writing Feedback / Australian boys and girls of age 5-14 leisure activities [4]

Hi Tia,
overall, you have good skills for writing, but It would be better if you put the graph.

The least activity in free time is skateboarding or rollerblading, 39% of boys and 25%(a quarter) of girls.

In my view, in the proportion it would be better if you put some modifications.

If at first you do not succeed, try, try again.
keep spirit!

Niddumakhi

Mar 16, 2015

Grammar, Usage / "You are the first person I am sending a postcard to" - sentences correction [7]

Hi writerneedshelp and gauravwalia1988

I want to join in this discussion, my question is

I agree with gauravwalia1988 to change your sentence from

I saw it yesterday, so I have decided to get one for you.

I saw it yesterday and got one for you.

but, it is possible if I write like this:
I saw it yesterday, so decided to get one for you

Niddumakhi

Mar 16, 2015

Undergraduate / Science is a wonderful and amazing subject that helps us to explain the world. My favorite class [6]

Hi Khonglong

This is my opinion for your writing
1. it will be better if you separete your body paragraph to become some paragraphs, sometimes I use this method for my essay:
- introduction (hook, general statement, my argue),
- body 1,
- body 2,
- body 3, and
- conclution (rewrite thesis, conclution, and my suggestion).
2. overall, your subject and verb agreement are good (top)
3. it will be better if you use constant tenses in your paragraph

Introduction

(put introduction such as there are many kind of class). (general explanation) Some people say...., (your opinion) my favorite class is science because I like doing the experiment, learning something new after each labs.

Bodies

Science is a wonderful and amazing subject that helps us to explain the world. Imagine yourself flying in a plane. How could you breathe when there is so little air pressure? How can I watch TV up there? All of these question can be answered by using the knowledge from science. From learning science, I can get many experience and knowledge. For example,When my teacher got me to work on germination, I was super excited.On lab, one reaction can create another reaction. If the people who were doing the experiment are not careful, they might get the wrong reaction and repeating it again.

[I think, it will be better if you write this in new paragraph] Therefore, to be successful in science class, we are not only able to handle the broad knowledge but also be careful in every single aspect and know how to apply them in the real world. Science is an interesting subject ,developing my patience and diligence, and gained valuable experience when doing lad and project. Science is also used to find cures and treatment for people who are suffering illness . Doctors and nurses use their scientific knowledge to explain the course of treatment to patients and applying them in their treatment.

[I think, it will be better if you write this in new paragraph] Sciences are needed and used in many different fields today. Science has always interested me because of the never ending knowledge. There is always something new to learn and study about.Science very exciting, interesting and fun,it help me to answer and explain specifically many different questions and wondering that exist in real life by what I learned from science, understanding deeper in the new science concept.

Conclution

To conclude,As almost everything in life, science always expands. The application of science in the real life, the never-end knowledge and my own curiosity to explain the new concepts are the reasons why science is my favorite class. So I suggest others to ... (i put my suggestion)

thats all my opinion, also give me some correction if you have other opinions
If at first you do not succeed, try, try again
Keep spirit!

regards,

Niddumakhi

Mar 17, 2015

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : It is important to keep the circuses exhibition, without using rare animals. [2]

Hi, please help me to check my writing about task achievement, coherence and cohesion, lexical resource, and grammatical range and accuracy.

Some countries have laws that prohibit animas being used in circuses or other forms of entertainment because it is cruel to keep animals in an environment that can cause them stress.
Should all countries have laws to prevent animals being used in circuses and similar forms of entertainment?

Animals need to live in natural environment. As per some experts, they say that circuses can create stress for the animals since the natural resources go out from their natural habitat. From my point of view. I believe that the government in every country should come up with the role to protect the animals for being become extinct.

...

Niddumakhi

Mar 18, 2015

Writing Feedback / Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test other products [3]

Hi Mr Ablk

To Mr Ablk
after I read your writing, I have some opinions
1. if this writing for IELTS task 2 ? you must remember that in Writing task 2 at least 250 words and you only write in 228 words
2. Introduction

In our days most medical and other products are tested on animals. Some people dispute that it is not right and desire to prohibit this method. Although others approve these experiments and think that this is advantageous for humankind. ~~In the following paragraphs I shall discuss both opinions with benefits and drawbacks~~I suggest you to make clear thesis, if you make the sentece like that you can get some trouble when you arranged the conclution, for example I strongly belive that using animal for experimenting is not right .... .

thats all my opinion, also give me some correction if you have other opinions
If at first you do not succeed, try, try again
Keep spirit!

regards,

Niddumakhi

Mar 18, 2015

Essays / Help me to find samples of essay for financial aid application [6]

Hi Anyablum
Maybe I can answer your question about it.

It is hard for me to start writing an essay, because I don't know where to start and what to write, thus I wanted to find any examples to get some ideas and inspiration from them.

in my experience, when I want to come up with a writing, I always use this methode in my IELTS writing task 2.
1. Introduction
2. Body
3. Body
4. Body*
5. Conclution
*optional
in the body paragraph, I can use multiple ideas or one idea, It depends on the question of the task

Niddumakhi

Mar 18, 2015

Writing Feedback / People's activities have been changed as the way of serving food becomes an instant. [2]

Hi, please help me to check my writing IELTS task 2

Nowadays, food becomes easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live ?

People's activities have been changed as the way of serving food becomes an instant. While some experts say that many a busy person is more likely to consume fast food since it do not need too long time for its preparation, others believe that fast food can harm the human body. Hence, I argue that eating such food affects to people lifestyle.

Many a busy person tends to use advanced technology to help them in cooking by using modern utensils as it supports them to save their time. Take the process of making traditional food 'bandeng presto' from Indonesia for an example.

...