Posts by riaerizal11

riaerizal11

Aug 11, 2016

Writing Feedback / Do you ever heard about Superfood? [5]

Hi, Mr Farid. Thank you for your feedback.
It's nice to know you from my post so I can visit the page of yours.

First, I would appreciate the topic you have choose; it is so interesting.
Yet, I come up with a note to compound another feedbacks so your text will sounds better.
IMHO, it is important for us to give more concern in conjuction and preposition .

I guess the remains of your necessary feedback have been given by ramzi06 and Wolf Larsen, so goodluck with your IELTS preparation. :)

riaerizal11

Aug 11, 2016

Writing Feedback / Beware, We Will Run Out of Water if We Don't Do These Things! [5]

Today, we can see if drought has been happening worldwide. Some countries couldn't even meet their need of water any longer. In Connecticut, for example, their nuclear power plants have shut down for lack of water to cool the furious reactions inside. This problem is also occurring in India, where coal power stations sealed due to the drought.

California, a country with the most populous occupant in United States, is already on the stage of worrying about their water stockpile to fight wildfires that might happen in advance. In fact, it isn't impossible for us to see entire cities run out of water if we keep continuing our habit in water mismanagement.

An article from newscientist.com tells us to become eco-warriors for water. When the demand of this natural resource continues to increase, we have to start thinking about the value of the water; especially the fresh one. We also need to serve a better public education about water use, and being tougher on rampant exploitation.

Source:
newscientist.com/article/mg23130864-800-we-have-to-recycle-water-on-a-massive-scale-this-is-how-we-can/
newscientist.com/article/mg23130863-100-its-time-we-all-became-ecowarriors-for-water/

riaerizal11

Aug 12, 2016

Writing Feedback / Just a few hours' exercise a week makes your heart grow bigger [4]

dear Eka,
it's so nice of you to gave me a feedback in my previous post.
i have read your summary, and i agree with ilmi_03's suggest.
you'd better use more conjuction and comparison, especially for the third paragraph.

besides, you'd better check your writing twice or three times before you upload it. the tips is to avoid some mistakes below:
- there are many people who dies (because of ) ~~from~~ hearth~~attact~~attack .
- that by doing three or more hours of exercise a (i guess you'd better use per ) week can have larger hearts too... ; in addition, there's no subject here

- i think you should find another form to replace "as little as"

that's all for you Eka. hope it will be helpful
good luck for your IELTS preparation :)

riaerizal11

Aug 12, 2016

Writing Feedback / Free Things to Do in Rio (Explore Brazil's bustling city on a budget) [4]

dear Eris, it is nice to know you :)

Well, in this opportunity i'm just going to give you a general comment. i think you'd better use more conjuction so your text will easily to follow.

that's all for you. i hope it could help on your next summary.

good luck for your IELTS preparation, Riri :)

riaerizal11

Aug 12, 2016

Writing Feedback / If You're Trying to Stay on Budget, Stay Off Social Media [3]

Are you trying to save your money and stick on your budget plan? An article from time.com, which is written by Megan Leonhardt, suggests you to stay off from your social media accounts. Why? Because we often crave for things we see on social media, which we actually do not need them.

TD Ameritade, a company that provides online broker service, has conducted a survey to over 1,000 correspondents (aged 18 to 35) about how social media impacts their lifestyle. The survey found this networking tool plays a big role in people's spending and saving habits.

Some of them admitted that they feel pressured to keep up with their friends' spending, which is shown on social media; especially when it comes to purchases and vacations. So, that is the reason why they rather spending more money to make a good impression than saving to spend in the future.

Source: time.com/money/4449427/budget-social-media/?xid=homepage

riaerizal11

Aug 18, 2016

Writing Feedback / How to improve photography skills on your phone [2]

dear @bbcheesecake14,
here are some corrections for your essay.

let me start from the first paragraph,
i think you need to reform the structure of your leading sentence make it more coherent so your text will sounds better.

besides, i dont think i am good enough with grammar so i would only mention a few grammatical errors that i am sure of.

(only a ) few people ~~who~~ know (how ) to use manual focus,
due (to ) the fact that auto focus will fails and make your picture blurry.
when you (are ) taking a photo
even with improved flash setting that are ~~being~~ implemented into smartphones

i guess that's all from me. hope it would be helpful.
goodluck with your IELTS preparation :)

riaerizal11

Aug 18, 2016

Writing Feedback / Scientific research revealed that there is an abnormal leisure time situation [9]

Hello Zul,
It is nice to read your summary, i guess you already have many feedback from the previous comentator.
But, let me try to correct some confusing part here.

"people prefer spending their (...) and shopping to doing outdoor activities." -- there are several comments which tried to correct this sentence, but in my opinion your sentence is already right. (prefer-to)

Comparing with people lived in country side ... ==> i suggest you reform this sentence to "in comparison, people who lived in country have the contradictive effects."

Research demonstrate that these day(s ) ; besides i don't think "research" is noun which could be a subject for this sentence

It's all from me. I hope i could be helpful.
Good luck for your IELTS Preparation :)

riaerizal11

Aug 25, 2016

Writing Feedback / Introductions for IELTS Writing Test Task 2 [2]

Hi everyone,
these are some introductions for essays in Writing Test Task 2
I also enclose the essay questions so it would be easier to be understood
If you don't mind, please help me to check the text,
Especially on the paraphrases that i made and how clear i stated my position in that following statement.
Thanks in advance :)

Question 1
As global trade increases, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis, are produced in other countries and have to be transported long distances.

Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

Today, when international market is booming, people around the world are more familiar to commodities from other countries. It could be seen by everyday stuffs that humans use recently. There might be a number of advantages come along with this trend. But there are also other factors which need to consider, such as the shipment fare, while we import the goods.

Question 2
In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience.

Discuss both opinions and give your opinion?

These days, not only the elderly could be found in a workplace, but also young ages take responsibilities in order to make money. Many people believe that such things could gain advantages, but i would more likely to agree the other groups who dissent the statement.

Question 3
Unpaid community service should be a compulsary part of high schol programs (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood, or teaching sports to younger children.

To what extent do you agree or disagrees?

Recently, people see that there are necessities for high schools to carry out a project where students will involve to perform in non profit activities. For example, working for charity, or improving the neighbourhood. I believe that there must have good reasons behind the idea. As such, I will explain it in the following paragraphs.