Undergraduate / "Difference challenges assumption" - UMich admission eassy [7]

Hi,i'm currently working on my application to U-M and this is my response to the prompt. Any suggestions on the content and grammar is greatly appreciated.

"We know that diversity makes us a better university - better for learning, for teaching, and for conducting research."(U-M President Mary Sue Coleman)

Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.

"Difference challenges assumption" - Anne Wilson Schaef

Being a Singaporean male, I was conscripted into National Service (compulsory military service). As there are no exceptions to the enlistment act, all males from every walk of life was conscripted. So, it was not uncommon to find people from the widest variety of backgrounds. During the 2 years, I trained with the rich and the poor alike, lived with people of different races and worked with people with different religious beliefs.

When presented with the mission to attack an objective, my platoon came up with a strategy which took the enemy by surprise and enabled us to take the objective with ease. As everyone viewed the mission in a different light, we had multiple perspectives of the same problem which allowed all angles of the problem to be covered. It was our diversity that allowed us to break the constrains of our thinking to come up with an unconventional solution.

As one's thinking is often influenced by one's life experience, people from various backgrounds will have different views and opinions. Diversity in a community brings new perspectives and challenges the pre-existing assumptions. This broadens the thinking and encourages the generation of fresh ideas. Coming from a heterogenic society, I can add my unique identity to the college and hopefully, in the process, contribute to improving the learning experience. Just as my platoon benefitted from its diversity, I believe I will similarly benefit from the diversity I will encounter at The University of Michigan.

Btw,is a title necessary?

Undergraduate / Interests and aspirations in engineering (UMich essay prompt #2) [12]

Hi all. This is my response to the 2nd essay prompt for Umich. Any comments on content and grammar is greatly appreciated.

Please describe your interests and aspirations in engineering. What experiences have influenced you?

"Engineering is the bridge between theory and practicality; engineers turn ideas into reality." This simple reason is why I am so captivated by Engineering. Traces of Engineering's influence can be easily found everywhere, from infrastructures to electronics to aircrafts. I believe that Engineering is the key to solving most of our scientific problems.

During my first year in junior college, I was attached to the Nanyang Technological University to assist the undergraduates there in a Material Engineering project where we were tasked to work on using Non-Newtonian fluid to create a type of body armour. It was my first encounter with Engineering and I was intrigue by how it translates Physics theory into real-life applications. The fact that Engineering combines Physics and Mathematics, the two subjects that had always interest me, to find new solutions to problems only strengthen my interest. I knew then that Engineering was the perfect fit for me and I could not wait to learn more.

By studying Engineering, I too can be a problem solver. Engineering can equip me with analytical skills and methodical thinking techniques which will allow me to transform good ideas into great real-life applications. I hope to follow in the footsteps of notable engineers such as Larry Page and Tony Fadell and make my own contribution in improving the world. I believe the University of Michigan's College of Engineering, where I can learn under and alongside the brightest minds, can help turn my aspirations into a reality.

Undergraduate / "My passion for hockey" ; extracurricular activity [5]

Hi,I'm currently working on my response for the UIUC application essay. Any help on content and grammar will be greatly appreciated.

P.S I'm not sure if the opening is appropriate for this type of essay prompt. Is it too descriptive?

Choose one extracurricular activity, work experience, or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it. (300 words)

Playing in a hockey match is an unforgettable experience. The electrifying atmosphere in the stadium would send my heart racing the moment I stepped onto the pitch. Adrenaline would flood my body as I ran around receiving passes, tackling my opponents and working with my teammates to form one cohesive unit. Whenever we scored a goal, the roar of the crowd was like music to my ears. Nothing could beat this extraordinary feeling which, together with the strong sense of camaraderie with my teammates, has kept me playing hockey.

Initially, it was the novelty of the sport that attracted me. The cane-shaped hockey sticks and the synthetic pitch caught my attention. As I have not been exposed to hockey before, I was curious about how it was played and decided to take it up as my extra-curricular activity in junior college. Despite the tough trainings and the tight competition schedules, I did not regret my decision.

Through playing hockey, I learnt that for a team to perform well, esprit de corps was of utmost importance. In order to maintain a high morale, there must be communication between teammates and compromises must be made so as to minimize conflicts. The pressure to perform and play my best during matches not only boosted my mental strength and self-confidence, but also taught me to be responsible for my role in the team and to carry my own weight so that I would let my teammates down. I also learnt to respect every individual's contribution as only when everyone is playing at their best can the team be more than a sum of its parts. Hockey taught me to be a better team player; a lesson which could not be learned in a classroom setting.

Undergraduate / "Language is the soul of a race" - Umich essay on issue of local concern [NEW]

This is my response to UMich's long essay prompt. Any help on content and grammar is greatly appreciated. Not too sure about my opening as it seems kinda weak.

Discuss an issue of local concern. Why is this issue important to you? How do you think it should be addressed?(500 words)

"Huayu Cool!" (Mandarin Cool!) is the tagline used by the Speak Mandarin Campaign which aims to encourage Singapore's Chinese population to speak Mandarin. This is ironic in itself as the "coolness" of Mandarin had to be expressed in English. Problems like this is becoming increasingly common as the younger generation of Singaporean-Chinese cast away their mother tongue, preferring to adopt a "stepmother tongue" that is English. A recent survey has shown that the percentage of Chinese speaking English at home as increased from 13.3% to 60%. This seismic shift in the language environment from Mandarin to English has lead to a decline in proficiency in Mandarin.

This is an issue of great importance as it concerns the ethic identity of Singaporean Chinese. The Malays have a saying; "Bahasa jiwa bangsa" which translate to "Language is the soul of a race". Mandarin is not merely a mean of communication or a vehicle for the expression of thoughts, perceptions and sentiments; it also represents a fundamental expression of social identity for the Chinese. This is especially so in a multiracial society like Singapore. Just like how a tree will wither without its roots, the Chinese community cannot continue to flourish if we were to severe the vital connections to our pasts by losing our proficiency of Mandarin.

This decline in proficiency of Mandarin stems from the lack of exposure to the language. In recent years, English has become the lingua franca of Singapore. It is not only the working language of Singapore, but also the language of government bureaucracy and legislation as well as the language of occupational, social and economic advancement. As a result, majority of the Chinese have taken up English as the language of choice leading to a decrease in daily usage of Mandarin. This leads to further lack of exposure resulting in a viscous cycle.

Despite steps taken by the government to reverse this trend, I believe more can be done. In schools, the focus of the Chinese language curriculum should shift from memorizing phrases from textbooks to teaching conversational Mandarin for everyday use. The measure of proficiency should not be how well a student can regurgitate phrases from memory but how well he can express his thoughts and opinions in Mandarin. By developing the skills that will allow them to use the language often and spontaneously, schools can enthuse students in the mother tongue and provide them with the maximum opportunity to use Mandarin in their daily conversations. Parents can also play a part by proactively engaging their children in conversations using Mandarin. This will increase the younger generation's exposure to Mandarin and hopefully encourage them to use the language more frequently.

By encouraging the use of Mandarin, we are working towards cultivating a natural linguistic environment where effective bilingualism is the norm. Being able to switch between languages depending the situation will enable Singaporeans to better meet the demands of an increasingly globalised world while allowing us to retain our distinctiveness as a people and helping us remain cohesive and confident as a society.