Posts by Abu_Gosok [Suspended]
Name: Abu Gosok
Joined: Sep 22, 2016 |
Last Post: Oct 10, 2016
Threads: 2
Posts: 3
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Displayed posts: 5
Writing Feedback /
Summary: Chinese Anti-Corruption Activists on Trial for "Disturbing Public Order" [3]
Hii firman,
Here my suggestion for your text.
You have some misspelling words on text such as:
O ccured = occurred
Transpar
e ncy
Represen
ta ted
a ctivi
e sts = activists
Persepted = presented
You can re-write your sentence to make it simple -> ..... when two activists on anti-corruption from China ... =.......
when two anti-corruption activists demanded transparency to the government's officials toward their personal assets in public.At that time,
Tt he government.....
Writing Feedback /
TED_Video: How to Be a Good Mentor [4]
Hiii ,. here my suggestion for your text.
.....set expectations together in the
very beginning.... = Redundant (If it is possible, you should try to avoid redundant expression, because it adds no extra meaning on phrase.)
Which A good team
or needshas a good mentor
towho can guide them properly
Margaret Heffernan
ever(use "ever" only in negative and Q sentence) said that: "a good team, they ... = >
Margaret Heffernan said "A good team had three characteristics such as showing the social sensitivity to each other, having equal time and having more women in team.You have to organize your text and make sure that the flow of your thoughts are easy to follow.Sincerly,
Abu Gosok
Writing Feedback /
TED Summary: HOW TO GROW A FOREST IN YOUR BACKYARD [2]
Eco-entrepreneur, Shubhendu Sharma talk on TED with an appealing topic trying to share his experience on making forests professionally in just 10 years. He was an industrial engineer before he decides to work with nature. His first experience working with nature is when he made a forest in his backyard house. He has a view that forests do not have to be spacious nature reserves and outlying from our lives. Yet, forests can become part of our lives right where we are even in town. To make it become true, you can start it from the soil. You can perform an analysis of the soil and seek for the deficiency which may inhibit the seedling to grow and do something to make it better or to keep the soil moist. Aside from the soil, other elements are needed as well as water, sunlight and nutrition to grow the native trees of the place; and divide them into shrub layer, sub-tree layer, tree layer and canopy layer. When the trees begin to grow, make sure to take care of them by watering and removing the weeds on the ground for at least 2 years. For the rest let the nature works.
Writing Feedback /
Summary of TED Old books reborn as art (Brian Dettmer) [4]
Halloo bro,.
Misspelling words:
Obsolate = obsolete
Allternate = alternate
Vernish = varnish
Ensiclopedia = encyclopedia
Trasformed = transformed
Furtheremore = furthermore
An obsolate book could be engraved become beautifully intricate forms and aesthetic art. ->
you should pay attention on structure (word order), grammar (passive voice, s-v agreement) and make sure that your thought is easy to follow. You can re-arrange or re-write your text.
"An obsolete book can be engraved into intricate form that has aesthetic value." Writing Feedback /
Logging industry has had a great impact to the environment as well as terrestrial and aquatic. [2]
Logging industry have had a great impact to the environment as well as terrestrial and aquatic. It has caused a pollution both land and water, climate changed, and it also damaged the animals and plants habitat which has made them becoming vulnerability.
The removal of all trees from a large area has bothered the soil that can affect to all species which has relied on forest. Moreover, Forests have myriad of animals and trees that can maintain and inhibit the soil from erosion which was very helpful to trees growth. In addition, Trees supply the natural protection that can fight the pollution which can generate oxygen and absorb the carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. Aside from that trees or plants which lived along the edge of river can stabilize the water flow and decrease the sedimentation.
At last, Forests are essential natural resource and are valuable habitats for wildlife. Removing the trees wipe out the merits and will causes a catastrophe to earth.
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