Posts by Ymun

Ymun

Oct 31, 2016

Scholarship / Every house needs a good foundation. Short and long-term goals like building a house. [9]

Prompt: In 500 words or less, please describe your short-term and long-term personal and education/career goals and what has helped to shape your goals. What specific steps will you take to reach your personal/education/career goals?

Please help me to check on the following essay. Thank you very much in advance.

Long-term and short-term goals are intertwined and work similarly to build a house from ground up. Each short-term goal is like a step in building a house.

Every house needs a good foundation. My short-term goals begins with graduating from high school within top ten percent of my graduating class and be accepted to a college of my choice. Graduating is by far the priority of most of my goals, because graduating with a high school diploma is the stepping stone for my long-term goal.

Like all house building projects, we need funding. My next step in building my dream house in the form of searching and applying for numerous scholarships in order to assist in reducing my college expenditures, APIASF is one of them. Hopefully these scholarships will cover a hefty fraction of the college estimated cost.

Every house needs approval and authorization from the authority. Once in college, I will proceed with my next step towards a master's degree in Accounting which would broaden my knowledge in accounting field. However, a piece of paper simply does not qualify someone for a career. Therefore, I'll need to make another step prior to getting a degree in order to be prepared. This can be done through participating in several internships related to my career and gaining knowledge about career related topics.

Now that I've gotten my house foundation done, secured the funding, built and certified by the authority, I am ready to move in and live my life in my dream house.

The items that have helped to shape my goals are everyone I have encountered throughout my life, whether they believed I would succeed or fail. I would like to prove to those who strongly felt I would not amount to much by being successful while at the same time satisfying those who have supported me thus far. I am a very determined person, I always keep in mind to work as hard as I can every day to make sure all of these goals are reached.

Ymun

Nov 1, 2016

Scholarship / Every house needs a good foundation. Short and long-term goals like building a house. [9]

@Holt
Thank you for your valuable comments and suggestions, I really appreciate it. I will rewrite the essay after this. I think I made a mistake, my revised essay did not paste to the forum, I am sorry about that. below is the revised essay. Thanks.

Ymun

Nov 1, 2016

Writing Feedback / Benefits of advanced technologies, such as scanner and CCTV, outweigh their disadvantages. [2]

@amrillahmk
Maybe you rephrase -- it will bring many advantages in improving our crime prevention security systems

For instance, use of scanner and CCTV in the airports has helped prevent or minimize drug trafficking activities in the airports.

Ymun

Nov 2, 2016

Scholarship / Describe how you plan to give back to your community after your grduation. [6]

Prompt: In 500 words or less, please describe how you plan to give back to your community and help fulfill the needs of your community after you've completed your education. How would your plan impact not only your immediate community, but also a broader one?

Tzu Chi Foundation, is an international humanitarian organization whose mission is to relieve the suffering of those in need, and create a better world for all. Tzu Chi Foundation not only delivers material aids to the needy but also is a strong believer and pioneer in preserving the environment in order to protect the mother earth. Having been part of the Foundation since I was nine years old, I have formed a personal commitment to the people I worked with and to the Tzu Chi Foundation as a whole. Through the activities organized by the Foundation, I have learned the balance of giving and receiving and the importance of environmental preservation.

After earning my bachelor degree, I will work together with the Tzu Chi Foundation to provide humanitarian aid to those in needs in our local communities as well as overseas communities. Although I am not able to participate in every disaster relief by showing up in the front line, I can contribute in the back through fundraising. As a college graduate with a degree in accounting and as a Certified Public Accountant (CPA), I will use my knowledge and experience to help organize fundraising events for the Foundation to raise charity fund for use in both local and oversea community for the needy. Besides organizing fundraising events, I will also provide financial advice to the Foundation. I will use my knowledge as a CPA to make sure all the fundraising events are organized in accordance to the local laws and regulations, as some fundraising events organized that are legal in other countries maybe illegal here in the United States.

Millions of individuals in the world are affected the damages human being has done to the environment such as physical waste like metal cabinets, plastics components and etc. Through the Foundation's "Recycle and Reuse" program worldwide, the Foundation managed to raise millions of dollars worldwide every year for its charity funds to help the needy. This program is an effective way in reducing the physical waste and at the same time protecting the environment. I will strongly encourage and push for this "Recycle and Reuse" program to the local community to raise awareness of environmental preservation and at the same time raise money to the charity funds to help the people in needs.

Ymun

Nov 2, 2016

Scholarship / Describe how you plan to give back to your community after your grduation. [6]

@Holt
Thank you for the advise, I will rewrite this essay.

Ymun

Nov 2, 2016

Scholarship / Describe how you plan to give back to your community after your grduation. [6]

@Holt
Following is the revised essay. I am not sure if I am following the prompt requirement this time, but please let me know if anything I can do to improve this essay. Thank you for your time and comments.

Ymun

Nov 2, 2016

Writing Feedback / People should require from their kids to have at least a basic experience in particular working area [3]

@Lola12
Nowadays, we live in a world, with very ~~competetive~~competitive working environment.

kids ~~shold~~should

~~, but in my~~. In my

~~succeedin~~succeed in

~~Not at last~~At least,

Ymun

Nov 2, 2016

Scholarship / I had to adjust myself to a whole new environment, culturally, educationally, and geographically. [3]

PROMPT: In 500 words or less, please describe any challenges you have faced personally, financially or academically ...

When I first came to the United States and enrolled in the local middle school in Florida for the seventh grade, I did not know much about English language. When I was little, I learned my parents' language of Chinese and subsequently Malay language in school in Malaysia before coming to the United States. Therefore, I had to take ESL classes. I had to adjust myself to a whole new environment, culturally, educationally, and geographically. Due to the language barrier and my shy personality, I never took the initiative to communicate with other people in English, when other people tried talking to me, I usually responded either nodding or replying in broken English. The language barrier not only hindered my academic advancement, but also made it difficult for me to make friends in the new environment. Under the kind guidance of my ESL teacher, whom I feel very grateful for, I overcome the English language barrier. I spent hours reading novels at home after school every day, I tried communicating with other people in English even though I was laughed at often with my funny accent. I was released from the ESL program during my eighth grade and since then I am more confident communicating with people in English language as my vocabulary had grew more over times and my grammar had improved. Even though my accent remains, but that does not hinders me from pursuing my goal anymore. Honestly, I still struggle with comprehending and constructing writing even though I have no problem with pronunciation or reading. When I need help, I ask my teachers for help quickly, for example, revising my essays. I believe by doing so, I will be able to improve my writing skills in English. I learned from my experience in learning the language that if I set my foot down and get to it, I will be able to overcome any obstacles that may be in my way. The language barrier once hindered me from learning more, making friends and achieving my personal goal did not just changed my way of using the language, but it also taught me to be understanding towards others who experiences hardships like I did. My personality changed from a timid shy person to a more confident and outspoken person after I successfully broke down the barrier.

Ymun

Nov 3, 2016

Scholarship / Every house needs a good foundation. Short and long-term goals like building a house. [9]

@Holt
I am sorry about this, that was my mistake. Below is the revised essay with the paragraphs, please help to review it. Thank you.

Ymun

Nov 4, 2016

Scholarship / Every house needs a good foundation. Short and long-term goals like building a house. [9]

@Holt
I did minor adjustment to the essay, please see below the adjustment I made. Thank you.

Ymun

Nov 6, 2016

Scholarship / Every house needs a good foundation. Short and long-term goals like building a house. [9]

@Holt

I edited the essay, please comment on the revised essay below. Thank you in advance for all your kind assistance.

My long-term goal is to become a Certified Public Account. Long-term and short-term goals are intertwined and work similarly to build a house from ground up. Each short-term goal is like a step in building a house.

Every house needs a good foundation. My short-term goals begins with graduating from high school within top ten percent of my graduating class by maintaining my unweighted GPA of 4.2 and strike for a grade of A and B in all my classes. By striking the best in my academic, I definitely feel that the results attained reflect my hard work being recognized by many others; for example, I won 3rd place in the 8th grade science fair, award for excellence in social studies and mathematics in 8th grade, awarded recognition of superior in computing in 9th grade and given a chance to participate in Olympic Math competition in the 11th grade. Besides these considerable academic background, I increase my chance of being accepted to a college of my choice by participating in school extra curriculum, such as Florida Future Educator of America and Mu Alpha Theta club. Graduating is by far the priority of most of my goals, because high school diploma is the stepping stone for my long-term goal.

Like all house building projects, we need funding. My next short-term goal is to secure enough money for my college expenditures. I came from a family of five with my father's salary is the only source of income. I understand and realize that I need to depend on myself for most of the college expenditures throughout my college life. I will work part-time and full-time jobs to secure for enough college fund to finish my college education. Besides part-time and full time jobs, I will also applying for scholarships from different institutions like Florida Bright Futures Scholarship and APIASF in order to assist in reducing my college expenditures.

Every house needs certification from the authority. Once in college, I will proceed with my next step towards obtaining a bachelor's degree in accounting. However, a piece of paper simply does not qualify someone for a career and therefore, I'll need to make another step prior to getting a degree in order to be prepared. This can be achieved through participating in several internships at notable accounting firms to gain knowledge about career related topics. After obtaining the bachelor's degree, I will proceed with my next step towards obtaining a master's degree in accounting.

Now that I've gotten my house foundation done, secured the funding, built and certified by the authority, I am ready to move in and live my life in my dream house. After obtaining my master's degree, my long-term career goal is to obtain the CPA qualification and work for a big accounting firm like Deloitte and KPMG. I plan to set up my own accounting firm after a few years working with the big company. I am sure this goal is achievable with my hard working and determined personality.

Ymun

Nov 6, 2016

Scholarship / Describe how you plan to give back to your community after your grduation. [6]

@Holt

Could you please help to give me some comments on my revised essay below? Thank you.

One of the many benefits of receiving an education is the opportunity that it will give to a person to help others in their community. Obviously it does not take an education to contribute to one's community, but the additional training, education, and acquired skills from a career and a college degree can enable a person to give back in unique ways.

After obtaining my bachelor degree in accounting, I plan to give back to the community with the knowledge I obtained from the study of accounting. I want to be able to help the community that had raised me during my time living in the United States. I would like to help the city where I am living put on free educational workshops on finance for individuals in the community. By doing this, I can share with the community the financial management skills I learned from the college so that they can better manage their own financial future.

Besides working with the city to setup free finance workshop, I would like to volunteer myself to my college to organize free small business workshops. These workshops will be dedicated to helping low income entrepreneurs whose business is operating on limited budget get their legal, accounting and business advice from faculty, students and alumni like me. The workshops will do things like helping the entrepreneurs prepare business plans, complete grants requests and file their tax returns. These workshops will not only help small business or start up entrepreneurs to understand the reality of their business idea, but also help them become successful.

By conducting these pro-bono works will help me get perspective about the true needs of people that cannot afford a full paid accounting service, and also perspective on how valuable the pro-bono work is. Most importantly, it deepens my connection with how valuable the pro-bono work is to the overall economy.