Writing Feedback / IELTS W,T2: It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in [3]

TOPIC: It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. What do you think is the reason for a growth in the rate of juvenile crime? What solutions can you offer to deal with this situation?

Many people believe that the increasing number of youth crime is associated with the widely spread physical scenes in media. In my opinion, this is one of the causes among in many reasons, and I believe that good parenting and a stronger juvenile legal system can prevent minors from embarking on a life of crime.

In my view, there are two main reasons for the accelerating rate of youth violation. Firstly, parents are too busy with work, which they are not being able to spend enough time with their children. Without the supervision and care, teenagers do not feel the need to stay at home , as a result, they end up being on the streets and entertain themselves in a way that can excite them , such as stealing. Secondly, the punitive measures for adolescence are not strong enough to stop them from committing crimes. The penalties for young individuals are totally different from adults when it is dealing with the same crime. In many countries, the sanctions for teenagers are considered to be warning rather than actual punishment.

I think that the incidence of youth crime can be reduced through good parenting and a strengthen juvenile legal system. Parents play an important role in the growth of teenagers. If parents spend more time to connect with their children and get to know their friends, teenagers are unlikely to feel bored and isolated from family. Meanwhile, strict penalties should be introduced aimed at punishing young offenders, in particular, the repeat offenders, as I believe that this will be an effective way to minimise and deter the crime intention of young people.

To conclude, the increasing number of youth offenders are driven by the lenient juvenile legal rules and distance relationship between young individuals and parents, good parenting and deterrent penalty are the key solutions to solve this problem.

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Hi all,

Those words with word effect are self-correcting after look up online for better expressions and grammar corrections.
Any better expression for sentences in red color please?

Any recommendations would be appreciated. Thank you very much :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS T2: Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small [4]

TOPIC: Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Personally find it very difficult to address this topic, hope I didnt misunderstand the topic. Here is my finished essay, any suggestions, in particular, sentence structure, grammar and the reasonableness of the content, would be appreciated. Thank you.

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Many small, local businesses are losing its customer base owing to a boom in chain supermarkets, and according to some, this will cause the local communities disappear. In my opinion, I agree that the communities will suffer as small, local businesses close but it is questionable that it will cause the death of local communities.

There is no doubt that small, local businesses are hard to compete with supermarkets due to two reasons. Firstly, supermarkets are able to make better offer and provide a wide range of products to customers because they have stronger bargaining power and different source of supplies. Another reason people tend to shop in supermarkets is that, there are always some rewards associated with the purchases, such as fuel voucher. That is, small businesses can never have that privilege for their customers. Some businesses might consider to leave the area and looking for new opportunities. As a result, less and less businesses can survive in the neighborhood.

Nevertheless, supermarkets sell goods with cheaper prices, some activities and shops cannot be replaced. Many locals still demand on types of market and unique shops even in a small community such as farmer's market, second-hand shop and so on, which are not the target products of supermarkets. Furthermore, many locals still prefer to shop in local stores due to their years of shopping preferences and close relationship with shop owners. Hence, it is difficult to say that one supermarket can easily destroy a community.

To conclude, even though a community can be challenged to maintain along with the growth of supermarkets, I believe that a community with a variety of demand will continue to stay.

(279 words)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing T2: Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and ... [3]

Topic: Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that money could be better spent in elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

Some people argue that the government should allocate funds more appropriately to some aspects other than arts. I agree that some city's projects are more important than arts but arts investment can be considered if the government has funds surplus.

Tackling the issues such as infrastructures improvement and transportation system development of a city are essential to increase living standards and safety of the public compared to investing in arts. For example, if the government spends money to widen roads and improve road conditions, car accidents are likely to reduce. Whilst expanding the transportation network by increasing the number of services is also beneficial to commuters who live in remote suburbs. With better facilities in cities, people's life quality can be enhanced, hence to achieve a higher life satisfaction. If the government only have a limited budget for city development, arts should not be included in its plan.

On the other hand, the government can develop arts if it has excess funds. Arts can bring green and attractiveness to a bustling city where people can enjoy and release some stress in life. To illustrate, some arts such as installation arts were made from plants and flowers, which not only color the streets or train stations but also lower the effect of air pollution through absorbing carbon dioxide. Sometimes, arts can be more than just for enjoyment, it also helps greening the environment when the government displays arts on environmentally friendly purposes.

In conclusion, the government should prioritise the available funds based on city's needs before considering arts investment. While arts should be promoted only if the government has residual funds.

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Hi! I am Rae.
This is my first post in this forum, I am trying to achieve band 8 in writing in IELTS. I am studying IELTS by myself and have attended IELTS two times in 18 months, writing is the only part that I did not improve and scored the same as the first attempt, which is 6.5.

I am hoping that any of you can give me some useful recommendations on IELTS writing especially to improve my grammar skills and sentence structure. Any suggestions and corrections would be appreciated. Thank you very much :)