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Posts by UQ17
Name: Bams
Joined: Dec 7, 2016
Last Post: Dec 8, 2016
Threads: 3
Posts: 4  

From: Indonesia
School: university of indonesia

Displayed posts: 7
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UQ17   
Dec 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / The pie charts reveal about the outcome of study which was conducted in 2005 and 2009 [3]

The pie charts reveal about the outcome of study which is conducted in 2005 and 2009 by interviewing the employees about their relationship with supervisor and partner job and it is measured by percentage. Overall, it can be seen that the pattern of both data were upward trend. In other word, the highest portion was relation with co-workers in 2009 and the lowest was relationship with supervisor in 2005, at very good category.

According to the data, in 2005, workers response of relation with supervisor in very good aspect was slight over half at 61 percent and in the next year this aspect hit point at 65 % in 2009. Interestingly, in 2005 workers who have supervisor only 1 percent however in 2009 it was slight increased by 4 % from 1 percent.

On the other hand, in the relationship with co-workers the majority sample said very good dominate at 63 percent and this aspect increased slightly at 70 % in 2009. In addition, in don't have co-workers and poor items had similar portion at 1 percent in 2005, but in the next period they vanish from list.




UQ17   
Dec 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / The relationship between supervisors and co-employs in the working life [3]

Dear yuri
these are my corrections

firstly, you should attach the graph picture although it is simple thing but I regard that it is critical to assess your writing. Then, before you do the task you should notice the task question including details features. Make sure that task need is answered in your writing which is covered all aspects. In this case i saw that you do not considering about time signal therefore your writing is wrong tenses. Secondly is focus on meaning sentence and word formation because I read that your writing contains few mistakes related to the word formation or meaning sentence.

1. The relationship between (...) in two pie charts which are conducted on the survey ...

2. percent in 2005 which was indicate a very good

3. the poor relationship shows in the percentage by 59 percent in one year.

4. ... In the four years later, the very good relationship with supervisor WAS slightly increased by 4 percent, but the poor relationship has same value at 2 percent ...

5. changes all your sentence with appropriate tenses (PAST TENSES)
UQ17   
Dec 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / Supervisor vs co-employees - the graph show about result of survey to employee [5]

DEAR ALFIN THESE ARE MY CORRECTION FOR HELP YOUR WRITING TASK ONE

First, you should concern to your task question including all features such time signal, details data etc. It is essential because I saw that your answer and your task inappropriate in particular using of tenses. I saw the task shows past but you several answers with present tense. I regard that that is simple but fatal error.

comments
1.The graph show ... >>> the line charts reveal information about.....
2. employees regarding their activities involves with their..
3. employees who did not had a supervisor...
4. also co-employees were equal only 1 percent....
5. otherwise who answered fair was dramatic fell....
UQ17   
Dec 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / Fashion is one of essential aspects on people characteristic. [2]

Q: Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear.

Recently, fashion development has become popular in the society. It indicates that fashion is one of essential aspects on people characteristic. Several inhabitants argue that what people are like can be seen from the clothes which they wear. In the other word, contrary, others say that people cannot be indicated by their appearance. In my point of view, both arguments are true and reasonable for some extents.

The majority of people give opinion that they can express their personality from clothes. It is mainly because they want to show that they are extra ordinary people. For example, mangers of big company always wear tidy and luxurious clothes because it is to show that they are wealthy man with good occupation. Then, other case is artists always wear latest clothes to display that they are stylish people and they are popular people. As a result, this model is become common assessment in the society that clothes can indicate who the people are.

On the other hand, several groups of people give opinion that clothes are not depicted the people are like, because in the cutting-edge era people tend easy going including in the clothes style. Usually, they wear casual clothes which are appropriate in every moment. For instance, in Indonesia, locals tend to wear traditional clothes such Batik because it suits every summits either formal and informal situation there. Other reason is many people do not want show their expression in clothes. For illustrates is businessman even though they wealthy man they always wear ordinary clothes. As an impact, according to the above arguments common people tend to assess others without see what the clothes they wear.

In conclusion, based on the above views, people have two sides in this case. However, I would argue that both views are acceptable through explanations I gave.
UQ17   
Dec 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / According to a study, 72 percent of old people in Glasgow (aged 75 years and more), were illiterate [4]

hi bro
these are my corrections

The charts compares the education level divided into ...

THIS SENTENCE CONTAINS FEW MISTAKES
1. PAY ATTENTION TO THE S+V AGREEMENT >>>> CHARTS COMPARES >> CHARTS COMPARE ( S PLURAL NEED PLURAL)
2. PASSIVE VOICE S+ TO BE+ V3 >>> LEVEL DIVIDED INTO >>> LEVEL IS DIVIDED

Overall, the majority of young people and adults ...

1. adults in Glasgow are educated >> it is passive voice >>>>adults in Glasgow educated
2. significant number of old people are not >>>> significant number of old people are opposite

Abdik i regard that your essay is inaccurate, it will better if you see more examples of writing task one to enhance your writing ability. In this part i cannot give correction until end of your essay because I reckon that you should deal with several mistakes which I mark above.

BREAK A LEG BRO.
UQ17   
Dec 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / (Summary Article) This Is the World's Most Expensive City for Expatriates [3]

hi Alfin

again and again, it is too short summary i think that short summary is well does not matter but should contains much information and main idea can be covered.

this is my advice.

1. ... named Mercer whichIS usually survey about (...), launched new rankregarding that( UNCLEAR SENTENCE.)

2. They announced SHOWN that Hongkong as ...

3. The living cost in there was tremendous expensive ...

4. do not forget use linking verb or conjunction to make flow your writing.
UQ17   
Dec 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / The aim of the firm is to be profitable and companies should only focus on this. [5]

Original state:
The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this.

Nowadays, globalisation leads large number of companies in global market competition. While, the aim of the firm is to have profitability and they should only focus on this. Despite make money is essential for company, i tend to disagree in this point of view.

Company always dealing on profit. It is mainly because as business the businessman have to earn a lot of money from company activities to operate their business and expand the production. For example, a businessman need much money to build the company and if it does not has profit enough, based on the business theory that is impossible as businessman can broaden their firm. As a result, without profit the firm overtime will collapse and get rid of from global market competition so focus on making money to keep exist the company is critical for company.

However, in business operation many factors should be considered by company, because firm cannot survive if they only focus on making money. For illustrates, consumers go away from the product of the company because the firm does not consider about consumer need and costumer service or the rate of selling product decline caused by the company does not promote their product. In addition, the company can be banned by society if it does not care with public attention such as environment issue which is caused by factory activities so the firm should consider about others aspects such as marketing, costumer service, or corporate social responsibility beside profitability.

To sum up, only focus on profitability is not best decision to company because to survive in global market competition the firm should consider many aspects.