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The aim of the firm is to be profitable and companies should only focus on this.

UQ17 3 / 4  
Dec 7, 2016   #1
Original state:
The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this.

Nowadays, globalisation leads large number of companies in global market competition. While, the aim of the firm is to have profitability and they should only focus on this. Despite make money is essential for company, i tend to disagree in this point of view.

Company always dealing on profit. It is mainly because as business the businessman have to earn a lot of money from company activities to operate their business and expand the production. For example, a businessman need much money to build the company and if it does not has profit enough, based on the business theory that is impossible as businessman can broaden their firm. As a result, without profit the firm overtime will collapse and get rid of from global market competition so focus on making money to keep exist the company is critical for company.

However, in business operation many factors should be considered by company, because firm cannot survive if they only focus on making money. For illustrates, consumers go away from the product of the company because the firm does not consider about consumer need and costumer service or the rate of selling product decline caused by the company does not promote their product. In addition, the company can be banned by society if it does not care with public attention such as environment issue which is caused by factory activities so the firm should consider about others aspects such as marketing, costumer service, or corporate social responsibility beside profitability.

To sum up, only focus on profitability is not best decision to company because to survive in global market competition the firm should consider many aspects.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,116 3262  
Dec 7, 2016   #2
Bams, in the opening statement, you accidentally created a hanging sentence instead of delivering a complete thought. Remove the word "while" in the second sentence so that you end up stating a fact instead of showing an incomplete thought process. Since you are presenting a personal point of view throughout the essay, make sure that you always take ownership of your opinion by using first person references such as "I, my, me" This will add to the strength and conviction of your statement / opinion throughout the essay.

The flow of your discussion is logical and, although sometimes confusing, can be understood by the reader after a second reading. Your concluding statement is lacking in the major elements that would have made it successful. This includes a representation of the summarized discussion, reiteration of your opinion, and a closing sentence. If you review what you wrote, it is obvious that more information is required before the sentence can actually deliver a complete statement to the reader that can properly close the discussion.
Abrahamlincoln 54 / 56  
Dec 7, 2016   #3
Dear Bamb,
Here, my corrections toward your writing

1. BecauseDespite make money is essential
2. It is mainly because as business the businessman
3. if it does not has have enough profit enough
4. based onaccording to the theory of business the business theory

Note: Bams, my suggestion is you have to mention the mind idea in the first sentence, it helps people to understand what exactly you want to explain. if we look at your essay, you mention the mind idea in the middle of paragraph and it makes people hard to get your point.
Arlen 20 / 40 3  
Dec 7, 2016   #4
hello, I think it is a good essay, and here is my suggestion,

In my point of view, the lemma is a little bit weak. I think you can expand your thesis more border. For example, the reason of a company making money is not only for its expansion, you can discuss toward the aspects like the vision of a company or the living of those employees.

Also, the conclusion is too short to convince the reader that the company should focus more than profit. If you can have some support sentences in the last paragraph, it helps a lot.
abdik 3 / 5 1  
Dec 7, 2016   #5

first of all you have to give us what is the task question of this essay?????

anyway here is my correction:

* is essential for company= is essential for a company OR keep your first word : is essential for companies

*... much money to build theA company,BE CAREFUL WITH PUNCTUATION and if it does not has profit enough enough profit, based on the business theory,that is it is impossible asfor a businessman to ...

*only focus on profitability is not the best decision tofor a company,because...

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