Writing Feedback / The proportion of proficient persons in a foreign language among male and female students [2]

Hi, I will try to give you a little comment. I hope it can help you.

In the Introduction, you must write paraphrase the title of the graph. "Percentages of students proficient in a foreign language".
this is your writing "The chart illustrate the proportion ... ." you can make it more compact, {The bar chart illustrates the percentages of pupils skills at six countries of foreign language in 2016.}. You must make groups for your data. I see the chart shows there are 5 countries who woman bigger than man. You can say all of the countries or just mention the exception. For example, {China, Romania, India, Rusia and Vietnam had the bigger data of woman who had the skill of a foreign language.} or {except the Thailand, woman has more percentage than men in all countries.}. and the third sentence you can make a comparison. {However, just Thailand had a bigger percentage of men than woman.}

So, if the sentence becomes one. it will be like this.

{The bar chart illustrates the percentages of pupils skills at six countries of foreign language in 2016. China, Romania, India, Rusia and Vietnam had the bigger data of woman who had the skill of a foreign language. However, just Thailand had a bigger percentage of men than woman.}

For the second paragraph, you can the positive data about the woman or the man. But, I suggest you make the biggest first of the categories. I will make an example. {IELTS writing actual test in December 2016, has data which five countries a dominant number of woman bigger than the man.}. It can make the first sentence in the second paragraph. After that, you can mention the number of percentages of the data.

I will make a complete paragraph as a sample.

{IELTS writing actual test in December 2016, has data which five countries a dominant number of woman bigger than the man. The comparison for the woman and man in China was above 28% than above 14%. The data of woman in Romania was above 63% than 42%. The different data in India of the woman and man data was near 14% which woman near 70 and man at 56. In Rusia woman gets 42% and man get 35%. The last countries who had big data of woman bigger than man were Vietnam with percentages 56% and near 43% in a row.}

In the last paragraph, you can mention about the different data from others.
And you can make like this, {In the bar charts not only the woman got the highest percentages, but also there was one country had the man data bigger dan woman. In Thailand, the data gives information that man had near 35% and woman get near 26%.}

And my last suggestion, the data is not absolute in the line of the percentage. So, you can not mention the absolute data which not display in the bar chart. You can use near or above for making the easy writing task 1 for IELTS.

Writing Feedback / Mothers in Australia over forty years old. Essay Writing task 1 [5]

Hallo Hana, I will try to correct your writing. I am not really good in a writing so I hope we can discuss.

I see there are many wrong about the spelling of the word and some word did not match in your writing. But I will correct your content first. I will try to give my suggestion.

In the first paragraph in the second line, you write "the women did not had baby " you can change to "the woman without child". And for this sentence " All in all, it can clearly be seen that the women did not had babyand the women had one child also the women had two children were an increase in all of period " you can make more compact like {All in all, it can clearly be seen that the women without child, with one child, and two children were an increased in all of the period}.

In the second paragraph, you write "In 1981, the women who had two children saw the highest proportion at just above 25% every year, whereas female who had one child and the women who did not have a child showed a gradual increase at less than 16% in all years". In this paragraph, you should mention the right percentages, not "just above" or "less then". And in the first paragraph, you said about the increase and decrease of the data, not the highest or lowest data. And you use "whereas" it mean you compare the woman who had 2 children and women without a child and one child, but the comparison is not right. because you compare the highest portion of data with the increased data. I will try to make a sentence for you, {In 1981, the women who had two children, one child, and none had 29%, 7.6%, and 8.5% in a row.}.

And for the third paragraph, you said "Nevertheless, the women had a three childrean in every periode from 1981 to 2006 gradualy increase from 27,4% 27,0%, 24,6%, to 21,5% " there are three words wrong spelling and about the data you should write decrease. {Neverless, the women had three children in every period from 1981 to 2006 gradually decrease from 27.4% to 21.5%}. Please be careful when you use comma and dot. for the number you should dot. (27.4%, 27%, 24.6%, and 21.5%).

Writing Feedback / LOCAL AUTHORITIES BUDGET in different lands in 1980, 1990 and 2000. [2]

Good evening Ms. Aira, I will try to correct your writing.


because the pie charts is plural


a different number is not fit with uncountable. Consider to change it.

Thanks, glad to help you.

Writing Feedback / The spending for education, health and human resources, environmental services and transportation. [3]

Good evening Mr. Dayat, I will try to correction for you


the correction some of fields need articles "the"


was/were increasingly trend must be was/were increasingly trending. because verb "trend" does not work with was/were.

I hope it will help you Mr. Dayat..