Writing Feedback / Different techniques to encourage children for higher activity. Competitiveness or cooperativeness? [3]

Here is my practice on IELTS task 2 writing.
Hope you guys could give me a little help on it.

Write about the following topic:
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Competitiveness or cooperativeness?

Nowadays, many concern that children should compete each other in someways, while some other suggest that children need to be taught to co-operate. In my point of view, these two ways to educate the young are both important in different situation.

I believe that when children accomplish a task as a a group, they can acquire some abilities of communication, improve the skill of being a leader, and learn to interact with other properly. For example, in class we need to report a presentation in a group. We have to divide the task to a small one, then assign it to each member. In this case, we need to find everyone's specialties and debate when should we have a meeting or a deadline. Everyone should work hard for the group not for itself, and consider the result of one's laziness or arrogance.

On the other hand, it is also very effective method for children to have motivation to improve skills by competition. Though the system of racing with other people, children would have more awareness that "Others are better,so I need to catch up on them." For example,in a basketball team there are only five people who can be on the court. So when you have a chance, you will not just let it go, and if you can not be called, you must will practice harder to improve your skills.

In short, each teaching technique has its reason to make every child more skillful, useful, and even better in their future.

Writing Feedback / This figure illustrates some new construction in the town of Garlsdon [4]

Here are my practice on IELTS task one writing.
Hope you guys could give me a little help on it.

The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket (S) is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the new shopping place for Garlsdon citizens

Answer:

This figure illustrates the constructure of the town of Garlsdon in which the amount of people is 65000 and there are two main roads and a railway.

As we can see, there are two supermarket in the town. The town is composed by 4 different region, countryside, housing, industry, and the town centre from outside to inside order.

Looking at closely, there is one supermarket in the countryside which is the boarder of the two. The other supermarket is in the center of the town surrounded by the industry region. Finally, the housing parts are between the industry region and countryside.

There are three town nearby, Hidon, Bransdon, and Cransdon. Hidon is 12 km far from Garlsdon in the west-norht. The town of Bransdon is 16 km far from Garlsdon in the west-south. In the end, ransdon is 25 km away from here in the west-north.

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  The map
  

Writing Feedback / It's popular for teenagers to travel or to work for a year before studying into next level [7]

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
You should write at least 250 words.

Trips between learning at a university

Nowadays, it's popular for teenagers to travel or to work for a year before studying into next level. Even though it is a common activity, there are some advantages and disadvantages in my point of view.

First, I think young people apply a part-time job or take a trip around the world or in domestic. It is a great chance for these people to learn the experience before stepping into a society, and to be independent without their parents' help. For example, I had a job when I was 18. I was a home teacher to educate some children of neighbors. It was the first time I realize that how challenged is to communicate with a child. They were annoying and non-well disciplined. After I finished this job, I was admired those child educators. I also appreciated how my parents are patient to teach me.

On the other hand, there are some concerns that should be considered carefully. The safety,the expense, and the difficulty of a travel, and the qualification,the danger, and own interest of a job are all the factors young people should think about. In the sense that young people may not have enough experience to tel a job is whether illicit or have fair treatment. Some young people are exploited by employers without being aware of or even involve in some illegal events due to the difference of each country.

In short words, if someone is well-prepared and well-evaluated one's capability, to travel or to work would be a amazing experience of life for adolescents.

Writing Feedback / University should not specifically accept more girls or boys for whatever purpose [3]

Write about the following topic:
University should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Answer:

uneven number of both sexes students

I do agree that university should accept the same number of male or female student in every subject. University should not specifically accept more girls or boys for whatever purpose. Of course,university must have no bias on male or female .They judge students by their GPA, expertise, sport performance, or characteristics. They should concern that whether abilities of the student fulfill the subject .

But what if there are more female/male students want to go to some subjects? What if the bias and the sexist have already existed in society? People grow up with those perception which affect us on our choices. There are more female nurses than male ones.There are more male police officers than female ones. People could see this phenomenon at a lot of work. These factors would make affect us on decisions including which subject we choose.So, if there are more male student want to major in some subject ,university would naturally accept more male student. No matter university means it or not. But it doesn't mean university has bias.

So this is not a question about how should university be fair or what is my opinion about how university may have prejudges. The point is how we jump off the stereotype in society to find what we really want to be. The first step is that education system should portray the idea about equality or looking for our own interests before we choosing the subject or work in the future. People should not be judged only by appearance or gender.