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IELTS Writing Task 2: Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with.

sehatdinati 7 / 21 5  
Feb 18, 2017   #1
Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with.
What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

Children surrounded by toys

Toys are very good medium for children to learn many things. Certainly, parents will strive to facilitate their children by providing playthings so that their children can know new things through toys. However, it is often that parents tend to spoil their children by giving too many, even those which are not necessary.

Apparently, we can not ignore the positive role of playthings. Children could recognize, differentiate, and learn how to use things. Some other times, they are not only as an entertainment article for kids but also as psychological development tool. Additionally, nowadays toys has an education function also. It means that children get both fun and educational with playing the toys.

On the other hand, we can not deny if there are parents who desire to give their children all the latest and greatest things so that the children have a large number of playthings. They do not want their children lagging behind others. This things is not well anticipated by the parents sometimes that may have negative impacts on children. This habit could develop an unpredictable consumptive attitudes of the children. Children are taught to be greedy since they were young.

Moreover, another negative effect is when a child becomes addicted to the playthings. This bad habit will form their characters that are difficult to control themselves and wasting their time and they can not be separated anymore from their toys in the next stage. Eventually, the parents are not able to handle their children and creates new problems, such as the children do not socialize with their friends or children to ignore to finish their homeworks.

In conclusion, everything has a positive side, including toys. However, it is important to keep in mind, parents have to discipline themselves not to spoil their child which give negatice impacts in the future that can be anticipated since early stage, by buying toys that are appropriate for children as the functions and needs.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,217 4648  
Feb 18, 2017   #2
HI Sehat, your essay can get a score of at least 5 in my opinion. You accurately discussed the prompt requirements and presented some pretty good supporting evidence for it. However, you did not properly represent the prompt instructions in the opening statement. That is what led to the lower score for you in the end. The task accuracy score suffered because of the improper paraphrasing of the prompt. The proper paraphrasing would have been something like this:

These days children have access to various kinds of toys. That is why parents have a tendency to keep buying toys for their children, which result in the children having too many toys to play with. While there are some parents who believe that having a lot of toys is an advantage for their children, other parents believe that giving the children too many toys has a disadvantage. This essay will discuss both points of view.

A properly developed opening statement indicates the topic for discussion, the method of discussion, and the order in which it will be discussed in the essay. Note that my example delivers on all these points. If you can write an opening statement following the given format, then your task accuracy score will be increased because your essay will be better presented and developed.
OP sehatdinati 7 / 21 5  
Feb 18, 2017   #3
Dear @Holt,

Thank you for your feedback! I really appreciate it :))))
MH_tw 4 / 5  
Feb 18, 2017   #4
I think you only mention the the advantages and disadvantages for the child having toys. Maybe you should focus on the amount of the toy.
OP sehatdinati 7 / 21 5  
Feb 19, 2017   #5

Dear Mary,

Incase I change my opening pargraph like yours, how much is the incremental score I could get?
And, where could I read the writing task which is scored above 7? Because my target is mininum 7.0

Thank you before, Mary!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,217 4648  
Feb 19, 2017   #6
Sehat due to the fact that I am a native English speaker and my opening statement covers all of the important points of the prompt, my Task accuracy score will not be less than a 9. The same goes for the question of "What if I wrote the essay?". Based upon overall considerations my essay would not score less than a 9 as well.

The Task Accuracy is the most important part of the writing task because that is the portion that solidly proves your ability to understand instructions in English and also, explain yourself in English. Failing the task accuracy portion will severely limit the highest possible score that you can get.

In response to your question about where you can find essays that fall under the 7 band score, just run a search using the IELTS information that you seek. You will see a number of 7 band score essays online for you to read and learn from .
ylin0233 3 / 10  
Mar 7, 2017   #7
The sentence in the fourth paragraph is too long to read.
This bad habit will form ...

negatice = negative*

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