Posts by dccb

dccb

Sep 4, 2009

Writing Feedback / Essay about the happiest day of my life so far? [9]

That is a broad subject.

Some rules are to be questioned, specially the ones that are there to replace education. Is not Anarchy, just common sense.

dccb

Sep 4, 2009

Writing Feedback / Critique my essay; American Sports : Sportsmanship or to win at any cost [12]

Xubis,
I don't mean to sound rude, but would not it be better if you knew how to correct your own grammar? Kind of like, teach a man how to fish saying?

There are a few websites that have the information you need to learn grammar rules; my favorite is, English Plus.

dccb

Sep 4, 2009

Writing Feedback / Toefl Question: Movies and books in a modern life [10]

It seems like you have watched the 1997 version of Titanic; ask yourself what three things have you learned on how did people behave in the early 1900s?

dccb

Sep 4, 2009

Writing Feedback / Essay about the happiest day of my life so far? [9]

Because I have never dealt with essays before, I have a hard time understanding how one would look like, and have the tendency to apply every single parameter that is required to write one, hence I am being literal with the essay theory I am reading.

I am Italian; it might explain a few things about what I have just said.

dccb

Sep 3, 2009

Writing Feedback / Essay about the happiest day of my life so far? [9]

Thank you EF_Simone.
I thought the easy did not need the numeration factor, I added that after it was written.
I am probably being to literal with the essay theory I am reading.

Thanks sohelmatrix.

dccb

Sep 3, 2009

Writing Feedback / Toefl Question: Movies and books in a modern life [10]

I would like to add some pointers to what you have written, even though, as EF_Simone said, you need to answer the question the essay is asking.

-Keep homogeneous verb tense usage trough out a sentence:
"we also need to relax and watching movies and reading books" This should read as:
"we also need to relax, watch movies, and read books" or if you modify the structure of the sentence, you can use "relaxing, watching movies, and reading books," but do not mix verb tenses.

-Also, you cannot use because after reason, use that instead.
"The most important reason is because it recalls"This should read as:
"The most important reason is that it recalls"

If you are going for the TOEFL exam, a five-paragraph essay structure will do you good; there are tones of free websites with tutorials.
It would also help you to brush up on written language structure, also ready available on the web for free.

dccb

Sep 2, 2009

Undergraduate / Is my asian immigration essay too cliche? [6]

Cliché? No. It feels unique and personal to me.

dccb

Sep 2, 2009

Undergraduate / "The #1 Bus Boy"-my work experience essay [7]

Hey,
The writing has a nice flow. I am learning how to write essays and mostly everywhere, I see they follow this structure:

(Just to give you an example)

Introduction:
Nearly every waiter, waitress, and manager refers to me as "The #1 Bus Boy," a proud title I have acquired over the years at the Allendale Bar & Grill, a local restaurant. The qualities that define me as the "The #1 Bus Boy," are: Always willing to help, organization, and hard work.

Support Paragraph 1:
(Now here you start describing, always willing to help, etc and then give examples)

Support Paragraph 2:
(Now here you start describing, organization, etc and then give examples)

Support Paragraph 3:
(Now here you start describing, hard work, etc and then give examples)

Support Paragraph, as many as you need

Conclusion:
Then finish with, how this makes you feel that you make a difference, etc

Like I said, this is coming from a novice and I apologize if my information is misleading.

dccb

Sep 2, 2009

Undergraduate / Music, Libra, Science - Common App// Topic of Choice [16]

On the introduction you could make clear what the topic of the essay is, and mention the main points of the support paragraphs, like Music is...such, music is...that, and so on.

Imagine it as a song, a song has a number of instruments that play together and they sound as a song; an essay is the same thing, it is all linked together to become a piece of information, a story.

dccb

Sep 2, 2009

Undergraduate / Macaulay - some issue or concern essay [20]

It looks as even if you think you have the choice to select almost anything, part of the weight lies towards what they consider the right choice; a more complex literature will make you stand out.

dccb

Sep 2, 2009

Writing Feedback / Essay about the happiest day of my life so far? [9]

Hi everyone,
I'm working towards my GED. I spend about 8 hours per day writing to master the ability of essay writing. After a few weeks, I believe they are good enough so I do not waste anybody's time. If anyone gets a chance, please let me know of any flaws.

Thank you.
Dani
======================
What has been the happiest day of your life so far?
In your essay, tell what happened that made it so wonderful. Use your personal observations, experience, and knowledge

Over the course of my life, I have experienced many days of happiness; they all had a unique ingredient that separated them from each other as a distinct experience. There is; however, a day that I remember with extra fondness, a day that occupies a bigger space in my heart, the day of my eighteenth birthday. I suppose I could say this is possibly the happiest day in my life so far. The three factors that made this day so special were: a birthday cake, my friends, and a train station.

First factor was the birthday cake. Not an ordinary one, but a torte au pommes, the best cake this side of the Pyrenees, and possible the reason why so many people came to my birthday parties. There was never a birthday without a cake, but the torte au pommes was the best one indeed.

This was thanks to the fact that undoubtedly; my mother was the most gifted baker in the area and she knew exactly were to get the right ingredients.

Second, my friends. They came early that day as I was leaving the country in the evening. Strangely enough, they did not bring any presents as they always did in the past. It did not matter, all of them came as it was going to be the last birthday I ever spent with them, as the hours went by, I said my goodbyes and left to the train station.

Finally yet importantly, the train station, I had a train ticket to travel around Europe for a month. At the end of the month I was not coming back, it was my journey to independence.

To my surprise, as I arrived to the platform all of my friends and family were there, with hands full of presents and another torte au pommes. It was a going-away-turning-eighteen birthday party. Everyone was there, old friends, new friends and their families.

The motion of the train slowly leaving the station, the powerful emotion of the farewell still lingering in me as I watched my friends, family waving, and the excitement of the journey towards my independency made this the happiest day of my life.