Posts by Wendy0604

Wendy0604

Aug 16, 2017

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2, topic: management, type, money reward: Discuss and solution. [4]

Hi @tran14,
Your essay is so good. It shows very clear standpoints for each paragraph and the transition words you use are good for the flow of essay.

I think your essay should be score more than 7, but it is just my opinion and I am not professional. Hope this few sentences help you a little.

Good luck!

Wendy0604

Aug 16, 2017

Writing Feedback / [IELTS task 1]The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England [8]

@John050645
Here are my suggestions. I am not professional but I try my best and tell you what I have learned from others.

1. I think the sentence"Interestingly, the percentage of German only remained stable in 2000 and 2010 which was as much as the proportion of French only and no other language." should be put in the end of third paragraph. It is because your last paragraph is an overview.

2. The word "while" is used in an incorrect way.
Sentence A, while Sentence B.
While Sentence A, Sentence B.
While Sentence A. -----> incorrect

Good luck:)

Wendy0604

Aug 10, 2017

Writing Feedback / IELTS task1 Ages of the populations in Yemen and Italy [4]

@Holt
Thank you for all advice. I appreciate and will keep practicing my writing. Also, thank you for pointing out the error in the opening. I will be aware of that point next time. Your response help me a lot.

@smvicp
Thank you for telling me what your tutor have taught you. I will keep that in mind next time.

Wendy0604

Aug 10, 2017

Writing Feedback / Purchasing other countries' products in the same place [3]

Hi everyone,

This is my first time writing IELTS task2. I really need your help to check out my essay. Although I have read many instructions online, I feel I still need to practice a lot. Please give me some advice and score the essay so that I can learn where I need to improve or change. Thank you so much in advance.

I am wondering
1. if my structure is correct?
2. if the ideas in the body paragraph is ok?
3. I wrote two paragraphs to support that it is positive, but don't know if it is okay without discussing the negative part?
4. I am really worried that what if I had no ideas once I saw the question while taking the exam. I have realized a big problem for myself. If I could not write any ideas out, what can I do? How to improve my brainstorming?><

QUESTION:

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world.
Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

ESSAY

Interacting with different culture through the shoppings

With the technology improving, nowadays it is much more convenient to purchase other countries' products in the same place. Therefore, countries are becoming more and more similar. In my opinion, I believe the trend is a positive development.

Since people are more available to buy the same products anywhere, the culture around the world would interact with each other together. Not only does hte availability of various products progressing, but different kinds of culture have a chance to interact. People around the world can learn the diversity from different nations. For instance, every country has their own food culture, such as some special ingredients or the particular cooking approaches. Citizens are not like the people in the past who only know the world nearby them.

Other than that, the trend brings human beings far more convenient. If one person planed to travel to other countries, he would not have to bring all of his belongings or hometown's products along with him. This reduces a lot weight while traveling. For example, an Asian person can buy Chinese food or Asian traditional clothes in western nations and vise versa for westerners. People are pleased to experience this convenience all over the world nowadays.They do not have to travel back and forth between countries to acquire things they desire. In other words, people can also learn the difference culture in their country.

To sum up, I support the situation is positive. Interacting with different culture through this method through this method enhances people's knowledge and expand humans' horizon.

Wendy0604

Aug 10, 2017

Writing Feedback / Causes of land degradation and deforestation in 1990's - IELTS1 [6]

@kjra178
Here is the paragraph I describe for the pie chart.

In the pie chart, there are three main causes resulting in land degradation. Over-grazing is the largest proportion among all, accounting for 35%. Follow by that, deforestation is the second one, with 30% and 28% of this problem results from over-cultivation. The rest is other reasons at 7%.

The paragraph above is just my writing, I am not sure if this will help you a lot, but just a share.
Good luck to you on the exam:)

Wendy0604

Aug 10, 2017

Writing Feedback / Causes of land degradation and deforestation in 1990's - IELTS1 [6]

@kjra178
I would like to add some points.
1. Over-grazing account the largest part ~~with~~ for 35%.
2. Other part ~~which~~ unknow is up to 7%.

Here is the paragraph I describe for the pie chart.

In the pie chart, there are three main causes resulting in land degradation. Over-grazing is the largest proportion among all, accounting for 35%. Follow by that, deforestation is the second one, with 30% and 28% of this problem results from over-cultivation. The rest is other reasons at 7%.

The paragraph above is just my writing, I am not sure if this will help you a lot, but just a share.
Good luck to you on the exam:)

Wendy0604

Aug 7, 2017

Writing Feedback / IELTS task1 Ages of the populations in Yemen and Italy [4]

Hi everyone,
Please check out my essay and give me some advice. I am really thankful for all of you who help me improve my IELTS writing skills.

Thank you so much.

I am wondering
1. whether using the future tense for the 2050 charts is correct?
because I use past tense for 2000 charts.
2. the word "represent" and "stand for " are used correctly?
3. if the essay structure should be revised?

ESSAY

number of younger and older citizens in two countries

The four given pie charts illustrate the percentages of the ages of the populations in two countries, Yemen and Italy, during the years of 2000 and 2050. Overall, there are three slices, representing 0-14 years, 15-59 years and 60+ years in each pie chart. In addition, the part of 15-59 years is the largest proportion among the three.

In 2000, the percentage of 0-14 years in Yemen was just over half (50.1%) and the data of 15-59 years was 46.3%. The rest, standing for over 60 years, was only 3.6%. After 50 years, the slice of 0-14 years in Yemen will decrease to 37%, while the age from 15-59 years will rise up by 11% to 57.3%. The elderly, similarly, will increase to 5.7%.

In terms of Italian, the percentage of 0-14 years was much less in contrast to the part in Yemen in 2002, with only 14.3% of people. Approximately 61.6% of Italian, however, represented the part of 15-59 years, and 24.1% was the old people. A few changes are predicted to happen in Italy over the period from 2000 to 2050. 46.2% of Italian will be aged between 15-59 years. Surprisingly, the aged will rocket up to 42.3% ,whereas the youths at the age from 0 to 14 will be only 11.5%.

Sincerely thank anyone who gives me any suggestions beforehand.

pie_chart.png

Wendy0604

Aug 4, 2017

Writing Feedback / "Should state college tuition be free?" Hi All, Can you help me to correct this paragraph [8]

@Ashkan123
I have checked your latter essay and here are some advice for you.

Based on the last sentence you wrote, I assume that this paragraph is the introduction for an essay. However, the first sentence "Over 6o% of Americans believe ...." is kind of strange to put in, since you just directly answer your essay question without any leading beforehand. I suggest that you can make the sentence "Nowadays, each job has become more complex,...." to be the first one. The opening should start with a general thought.

1. The best ~~way~~ and easiest way
2. Some people ~~believes~~ believe schools ...

The subject in the last sentence is way too long which would mislead reader's view. I suggest you shorten the subject " the argument of both sides of discussion along with my point of view".

Wendy0604

Aug 3, 2017

Writing Feedback / IELTS task1 Divorced rates in Finland and Sweden in a bar chart [3]

Dear @Holt
Thank you so much for providing the instruction to me. I REALLY APPRECIATE your prompt response and I can see that I have to work on my essay a lot. With your suggestions, yes, I have found that my opening summary has a big problem and has to be revised. I have reread my essay again and found that my sentences in the body paragraph are too long just like what you taught me and that would mislead the reader's guide. Before yesterday, there was no one telling me that one paragraph has to contain at least 3 sentences. But now, I would keep all your advice in my mind. Sincerely appreciate.

Here is the essay that I rewrite again, PLEASE check it out for me and give me a score as well. Thank you so much.

If there is any advice from other people, I would still welcome and appreciate a lot.

ESSAY

The given bar chart illustrates the percentages of divorce rates in two European countries of Finland and Sweden during the years between 2011 and 2015. Overall, both nations had some fluctuations. The data in Sweden represented a downward trend, while the one in Finland indicated an upward trend.

To begin, divorce rate in Sweden was at around 44% and then it reached a peak of roughly 50% in 2012. After the first two years, Sweden's divorce gradually decreased from the top to about 46% and 45% in 2013 and 2014 respectively. By 2015, the data had dropped to the number of approximately 37%, which was the only one lower than Finland's divorce rate.

In terms of the information of Finland, around 36% of divorce rate represented initially in the first year. Later on, the percentage dropped to the lowest point of 32%, which created a large gap in contrast to the number in Sweden. Finland's divorce, however, started climbing up to a range between 39% and 41% during the period from 2013 to 2015.

I am confused about whether I have to draw a conclusion at the end of IELTS TASK1?

Wendy0604

Aug 2, 2017

Writing Feedback / IELTS task1 Divorced rates in Finland and Sweden in a bar chart [3]

Hello all,
Please check out the essay for me. I am sincerely thankful for anyone who can provide any advice or suggestions. If possible, please give me detailed marks and score the essay as well. Thank you so much.

QUESTION

The bar chart shows the divorce rates in two European countries from 2011 to 2015.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Divorce statistics in two Scandinavian countries

ESSAY

The given bar illustrates the percentages of divorce rates in two European nations (Finland and Sweden) between 2011 and 2015. Overall, the number of divorce rates in both countries were all over 30% during this five years. The data in Sweden were higher than in Finland despite a marginal dip in the year of 2015.

In 2012, it is notable that the percentage of divorce rate in Sweden reached a peak at approximately 50% indicating the largest gap of 17% in contrast to the number in Finland, with around 33% of divorce rate. Within this five years, the rates in Sweden were all roughly between 35% and 50%, while in Finland, the data was only in the range between 30% and 40%, implicitly showing that there were more divorced people in Sweden during the period.

However, the gap of the rates in those two countries had decreased by about 4% by 2015, with 37% in Sweden and 41% in Finland. The divorce rates, hence, were inclined to rise up in Finland, while the ones tended to decrease in Sweden.

--

I am wondering
1. if there is any problem with my essay structure?
2. if the detail data is provided too less? For instance, I didn't write down every Sweden's percentage from 2011 to 2015 chronologically.

Please check this for me because I couldn't find any person around me to correct the essay or advise me. This website is the one I found that it might help me a lot.

Divorce_rates_Bar_c.png