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Purchasing other countries' products in the same place


Wendy0604 3 / 7 2  
Aug 10, 2017   #1
Hi everyone,

This is my first time writing IELTS task2. I really need your help to check out my essay. Although I have read many instructions online, I feel I still need to practice a lot. Please give me some advice and score the essay so that I can learn where I need to improve or change. Thank you so much in advance.

I am wondering
1. if my structure is correct?
2. if the ideas in the body paragraph is ok?
3. I wrote two paragraphs to support that it is positive, but don't know if it is okay without discussing the negative part?
4. I am really worried that what if I had no ideas once I saw the question while taking the exam. I have realized a big problem for myself. If I could not write any ideas out, what can I do? How to improve my brainstorming?><

QUESTION:

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world.
Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

ESSAY

Interacting with different culture through the shoppings



With the technology improving, nowadays it is much more convenient to purchase other countries' products in the same place. Therefore, countries are becoming more and more similar. In my opinion, I believe the trend is a positive development.

Since people are more available to buy the same products anywhere, the culture around the world would interact with each other together. Not only does hte availability of various products progressing, but different kinds of culture have a chance to interact. People around the world can learn the diversity from different nations. For instance, every country has their own food culture, such as some special ingredients or the particular cooking approaches. Citizens are not like the people in the past who only know the world nearby them.

Other than that, the trend brings human beings far more convenient. If one person planed to travel to other countries, he would not have to bring all of his belongings or hometown's products along with him. This reduces a lot weight while traveling. For example, an Asian person can buy Chinese food or Asian traditional clothes in western nations and vise versa for westerners. People are pleased to experience this convenience all over the world nowadays.They do not have to travel back and forth between countries to acquire things they desire. In other words, people can also learn the difference culture in their country.

To sum up, I support the situation is positive. Interacting with different culture through this method through this method enhances people's knowledge and expand humans' horizon.

hailung 6 / 18 2  
Aug 10, 2017   #2
Since people are more available to buy the same products anywhere = able

- Goods are available to be bought but not people are available to buy.

- So I suggest "able" = the ability to do something

the culture around the world would interact with each other together. Not only does hte availability of various products progressing, but different kinds of culture have a chance to interact. = repetitive words

- I suggest expose to different cultures

For instance, every country has their own food culture = cuisine

I suggest some examples for body paragraph 1 so that it is more convincing
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,868 2154  
Aug 10, 2017   #3
Wendy, let me break down the score for your essay:

TA - 6
C&C - 4
LR - 6
GRA - 6

I am being lenient here because you did have some glaring mistakes in spelling and you had a repetition of words in your final paragraph. I had to score down your C&C because there were instances in the essay when you did not offer completely developed paragraphs, such as in your opening statement and concluding paragraph, and there was also some confusion in the paragraph discussions because you tried to discuss too many topics at once. Just discuss one topic at a time. You are not expected to present multiple reasons within the allotted time. You are however, expected to present understandable and fully developed discussions within the time frame. That can only be done by limiting the topic coverage of each paragraph.

You did well in presenting only the positive aspects of the essay. The instruction calls for you to make a decision, either you discuss the topic as a positive or as a negative. You should never discuss both when the keyword "OR" is located in the instruction sentence.

As for your question about not having something to say in an essay once you see the topic, the response to that is simple. You get a score of 0. It is an automatic fail because you did not even attempt to try and respond to the given question. Unfortunately, there is no cure for mental block. Just try to relax, take a deep breath and make sure you keep an open mind about the given topic on exam day. I guess the best way to prepare will simply be to keep writing practice essays. You might end up with a similar question come exam day. Although, the exam questions are retired with every test that is given so that is not likely, but, you'll never know right?

Don't think about the possible negative events that could happen. At this point, do your best to build up your confidence instead. We can try to help you do that by helping you with your essay analysis and advice but the self-confidence on exam day, that can only come from within you. So try to find that place inside your mind and heart that will help you calm down enough to survive exam day. It is there, you just need to allow yourself to fall into it.


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