Ielts task 2, topic: management, type, money reward: Discuss and solution.

Some employers reward members of staff for their exceptional contribution to the company by giving them extra money. this practice can act as an incentive for some but may also have a negative impact on others. To what extent is this style of management effective? Are there better ways of encouraging employees to work hard?

praising company staff by giving them extra sum money

There are some recruiters who reckon that giving extra salary is a perfect way to thank the staff for working hard. Much as this policy is efficient, its demerits should not be neglected. In this essay, I will explain the beneficial extent of this practice as well as suggesting mre options of praising workers.

There is no doubt that paying extra material value is an effective movement of managing at work since most people appreciate the presence of money. By giving more money to employees, employers can successfully encourage their staff members to continuously devote themselves to the overall business. In the sense that these members can use the exceptional amount of page to improve their daily standard of living as well as spend it on various sorts of recreation, the status of them can be promoted, hence affects positively the quality of their job. Simultaneously, this act also provoke the competing environment at workplace, thus motivate more individuals to work extraordinarily and eventually bring out a huge sum of income for the company.

However, this style of management can result in drawbacks as well. As the office becomes more competitive, those who cannot deal with working under pressure may not be able to maitain comfortable and can finally quit job. Furthermore, so as to overcome other collegues, some may cheat or even worse, commit crimes either on small or large scale in secret.

To prevent the concerned negative impacts from taking place, ther forms of reward can be introduced and adapted. One of them is holding holiday tours to either domestic famous spots or foreign tourist attractions for excellent workers. Another alternative is giving special presents that could be anything other than money to hard - working members. And if employers want to be really practical, they can even promote their staff to a higher position, which is as welcomed by workers as extra salary.

In conclusion, it seems that praising company staff by giving them an extra sum of money can be simultaneously positive and negative. To eliminate possiblilities of bad deeds at work, there should be alternatives replacing this action.

Please score my essay as well.

Hi @tran14,
Your essay is so good. It shows very clear standpoints for each paragraph and the transition words you use are good for the flow of essay.

I think your essay should be score more than 7, but it is just my opinion and I am not professional. Hope this few sentences help you a little.

Good luck!

Tran, I think that you can score as high as a 6 with this essay. You have really taken great pains to try and represent the discussion in a coherent and cohesive manner. Unfortunately, this attempt was marred by your lack of proofreading. There are numerous spelling mistakes in this essay which could have been avoided if you had bothered to double check yourself before submission. Your attempt to use complex words also backfired as you did not accurately use the word "page" in the essay. In fact, I have no idea what you mean by using the term "page" in the essay. It did not fit nor make any sense in the sentence / paragraph that the word was located in. There are also a few run-on sentences in the essay that created extra long sentences when it should have been divided into 2 sentences in the second paragraph. You did not do a bad job in writing this essay. The only problem I could find is that you did not really think to pay attention to your sentence development and grammar structure. That adversely affected your work and thus, lowered your final score when, if written properly, you could have easily reached a 7 with this essay.

Hi @tran14,

I think you essay is good,but you have some grammar mistake like:
this act: this action
and I think before " and " could be a comma

Help with mine => IELTS Task 2 Topic: sports events , Type: Discuss both view