Writing Feedback / The perseverance can bring us through the most difficult times. Narrative essay correction. [2]

Hello, I'm writing a narrative essay and I'm terrible with grammar so I wanted to get a couple of other eyes on my essay to spot any mistakes I've made.

NOTE: This is a rough very rough draft, and though I am mainly asking for grammar help any other help is greatly appreciated and welcome thank you!

Essay

A busy time in my life.

This fall has been a busy time in my life, I've been filling out college applications and working on my eagle scout project all while taking college classes and working two jobs. It's been very stressful, to say the least, however, I've been able to manage it and keep everything under control. A good stress relief surprisingly is working at one of my jobs which is at a scout camp called Bovay Scout Ranch. I've worked at Bovay for over two years as a staff manager which basically means I'm in charge of assigning staff duties among other things. One of my duties is to observe camp and check in on everyone from time to time, being that it's a rather large area (a few hundred acres) I use an ATV to get around. An ATV we call the gator because of its overwhelming and unsightly green paint job and it's seen better days the seats are barely holding on, the tires are usually flat, and the brakes hardly work to name a few of its issues. My negligence for these issues caused an accident that cost me tremendous pain and taught me a lesson about perseverance.

The camp operates on a bi-weekly basis where they hold camp on the weekends. It was Saturday, September 30, 2017, we were reopening camp per usual for the fall season. It was around lunchtime when I was instructed by my boss to go and clean a maintenance shed with another staff member. We decided to take the gator being that the maintenance shed is a good distance away. I was a passenger in the two-seat vehicle, we pulled out in reverse as per usual except that the driver made a sharp turn while reversing. This caused me to lurch part ways outside of the vehicle with my right foot dangling out, I remember immediately terrified but thought nothing of it. He then pulled forward and I felt a numbing hot pain I looked down to see my foot trapped under the tire and being shredded between the wheel and the pavement with an awful screeching sound. It seemed like it was under there for minutes, I yelled a the driver "STOP" repetitively not due to pain because there really wasn't any initially but more out of worry for the state of my foot. I yanked my foot free and held it up to my face, where once was my shoe and sock had been torn to pieces.

What followed was the most terrifying sight I have ever seen, everything seemed to numb I couldn't hear or see anything other than what I was focused on, where my flesh once was had been burnt off and a red bloody tissue remained large puncture had been made on the side of my foot , I focused in on one and saw something moving which at the time I had presumed to be my bone. It was then when I started to panic, blood shot from the wound like a fountain blanketing my legs and the rest of my clothes I felt hot and dizzy, then the pain hit. A sharp hot stinging pain covered my foot like being stabbed with a hot knife. I was carried into our camp medic lodge where an older gentleman startly interrupted from his reading by a screaming and bleeding stranger hastily jumped to action and begin to apply various bandages and wraps. An ambulance was called soon and I was left sitting in the medics lodge waiting for some relief. When you're in such intense pain it's cruel how time seems to slow, every second feels like hours. It was over ninety-degrees outside but I was shivering, all I could hear was my own screams resonating in my head it was hard to focus on anything. Finally, seemingly answering my prayers the ambulance finally arrived. I was loaded into the ambulance where a friendly EMT put an IV into my arm momentarily distracting me from the pain in my foot. I was given 10mg of morphine which filled me with warm fuzzy feeling numbing any pain I had been experiencing. It didn't take long to get to the hospital but finally being distracted from the pain allowed my mind to wonder. I was thinking not about what had happened but rather what would happen, thoughts of my future often flooded my mind. What would happen next? How would this affect my college applications, my jobs, my future? Any opinion on that tended to lean towards the negative.

After a while of disorientedly staring at the seemingly overly bright lights, the ambulance pulled to a stop and I was pulled out of the ambulance and wheeled into an ER room. I was greeted by an older gentleman who seemed overly interested in my wounds, and even jokingly offered to amputate it for me. Calm and relaxed for once in while his joking demeanor put me at ease. Soon a professional looking doctor came and greeted me, after taking some x-rays he told me there were two rocks lodged in my foot and he would attempt to remove them. The same amusing nurse came in and applied some sort of futuristic looking numbing gel which felt cold and stung, in a skeptical move to my non medically trained mind the doctor took a large white stick and began digging in my wound in a strange tugging sensation, after excavating for a few minutes he pulled out a small rock. Going on he attempted to dig out the second rock hiding in my flesh but had no luck. I was sent home and had a surgery scheduled to remove the last rock for Sunday. The hour drive home left me with more to think about than just the rock in my foot, I thought about not being able to walk or drive. I can't go to work or school, this will set my life weeks behind.

Surgery was fairly uneventful, they removed the last rock and sewed the wound up I was sent home where I immediately crashed. Every day I would wake up and lack any motivation I had once had I would simply lay there staring at the ceiling searching it from some hope I suppose. From that day on I had to go to physical therapy every day to get my wound cleaned, this was an extremely painful experience. I remember one trip specifically I was laying on the cold plastic beds they have in every doctor's office, clenching my teeth to mask my muffled screams as the nurse was spraying some awfully painful chemical on my foot. She must've been surprised at my lack of vocal pain which I thought surprising. She asked if I was in any pain, I readily admitted I was which in response she replied "Pains easy once you get past it it's over". For a reason, I can not comprehend it seemed like these were the words I had needed to hear not to help manage my pain but for other reasons. I began thinking, if perseverance is all that's needed to suffer through the pain I was experiencing physically shouldn't that be true mentally and emotionally. If I were to sit here and give into the feeling of hopelessness then I've let those fears win. However, if I persevere through these tough times and come out the other side stronger it will only benefit me.

I took these thoughts I had and put them into action. Instead of feeling sorry and laying around searching for answers to my pain elsewhere I got to work. I started to work on my classes again, apply for colleges and do anything I can while I'm in the state I am. In fact, the very writing of this paper is a testament to that, in all of this, I've learned that perseverance can bring us through the most difficult times.

Writing Feedback / Autobiographical essay without using first person English 1301 [4]

Hello,

In currently taking a dual credit composition class. I received my first assignment the other day. The outlines of it are as follows. I wanted to get your opinion on it, any help, comments anything at all is helpful.

Thank you.

Outline:

-no 1stperson ("I")Write as if you're discussing someone else; not yourself

.-Limit 3rd person usage ("he, she")For example: writing, "This father of two.." or "This Grammy Award winner..." instead of "He has two children" or "She won a Grammy in 2002," consolidates and strengthens the biographical style

.-Introduce subject (yourself) with first and last name then continue with last name only; careful of repetition. (See third person examples above to eliminate last name repetition).

-edit to include items that would entertain, interest, or enlighten the reader-Create a solid essay keeping in mind that the appropriate length for an essay is 3-5 paragraphs; introduction, body, and conclusion.

This is my essay

'He is...' The autobiographical story

Rob Roberts was born in El Paso, Texas in the William Beaumont Army Medical Center on January 24, 2000. Born to Bob Roberts, a nurse anesthetist with the military stationed at the WIlliam Beaumont Army reserve base in El paso. The middle child of three children born to the Roberts family including an older sister and younger brother. Born to two parents, Roberts was just three, when father was deployed in iraq during operation desert freedom. This left the burden of raising him and two siblings with his mother.

He had much admiration for his father even at a young age, knowing he was fighting for freedom and risking it all everyday. It was something he shamelessly bragged about to everyone he met. roberts's father was deployed in iraq for two years and returned finally retiring from the military, after the roberts's moved to the small town of Columbus Texas where his father had a job at the local hospital. After settling in roberts's family enrolled him in a catholic private school called Saint Anthony's. It was at this time the Roberts converted to catholicism after being exposed to it by the school. He stayed at this school for four years until he was nine years old.

Roberts's sister sally Roberts was enrolled at the same school he was. She was just three years older than him in the sixth grade. It was around this time she was diagnosed with Bi-Polar a mental illness that causes depressive phases lasting upwards of months. This made schooling difficult for her and she was eventually pulled out. Having a lot of stress suddenly put on the family caused roberts's mother to pull him out of school as well and homeschool him. This change was unwanted, roberts had just started to fit in at his school and didn't want to leave.

Over the next five years Roberts's mother taught him and his sister from home. She would buy discount textbooks and various books that they would work through together and read aloud. Roberts struggled at first , mainly because he wasn't willing to accept this new lifestyle. His mother had been a stay at home mom since he was born. When she got a job offer as a teacher she quickly accepted. Her new job would make her unable to teach at home so she enrolled roberts and his sister into a new school in Katy, Texas forty-five minutes from his home.

This transition was difficult, it put a lot of stress on Roberts. It was around this time he found his true passion in life. roberts was always an athletic kid he was in every sport he could join he would play for a year then quickly get bored and move on, nothing stuck with him. His younger brother had started a new hobby Taekwondo. Roberts had broken his leg while on a fishing trip with his family and had to quite his sports obligations, having nothing to do in hisfree time he started watching his brother's practices. Eventually curiosity got the best of him and he yearned to participate, frustratingly the cast on his leg prevented this.

After months of watching waiting to participate the young roberts finally got his chance. Immediately he fell in love with the sport , putting in hours on hours in practicing. Not much changed for A while he continued to go to school in Katy and practice Taekwondo.This continued for many years . Roberts became a first dan black belt in the fall of 2015 and earned his second degree in the fall of 2016.

Continuing through the ranks of education the now distinguished and comfortable Roberts, is now finishing up the final year of his education enrolled at a dual credit class at Houston community college. Found often practicing Taekwondo or studying for an exam Roberts can finally say he is comfortable with where he is at the age of 17.

Undergraduate / Common app prompt 5 college application essay : opening new doors. [2]

Summary: This is my essay for the common application prompt 5
Prompt: Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. [Revised]

From Columbus, Texas to Dublin, Ireland

There are 7 billion people spread across 7 continents in our planet and for some reason 3,000 of them ended up in a small rural town in south Texas. I was one of these people, I had been living in the small town of Columbus Texas since I was able to say its name. To describe Columbus would be to describe any number of the cramped backwood towns dotting the map, decrepit and old-fashioned, full of rumors but still, it was my home. I had been there since I could remember it was the only place I felt comfortable and at home, it was all I had known. That would all change when I stepped out of the airport In Dublin, Ireland thousands of miles away from home.

I remember the day pretty vividly, I was roaming the hallways locating my next class when I noticed a large poster had been put up. Usually, you would read the construed words of a poster telling you this or that, my eyes, however, darted immediately to the sprawling city landscapes depicted in the photos below. Large stone buildings outlining brick streets coming together to depict a lively city of some land I had not known. In that moment I felt I was there I could feel stone beneath my feet, I could see the lights shining from the streets, and I could hear the chatter of a foreign language surrounding my ears.

This was a poster for a school trip to Europe specifically Ireland, London, and whales. To learn I might have the opportunity to see more than just the corner of the world I had known for so long was both exciting and terrifying at the same time. It didn't much convincing surprisingly my parents were on board with the idea, my father and I would start preparing for the trip. Though I was definitely excited there was a looming fear in the back of my mind, I didn't know what really to expect or what I would experience there, would I like it? All I had known was Columbus Texas where I felt comfortable and knew practically everyone, and now I would be traveling thousands of miles to a foreign country. Part of me wanted to remain at home and just stick with what I knew, what was familiar to me.

After waiting for nearly a year for the day to arrive when we would make our journey it finally came. The day I strangely feared yet anticipated, regardless of my fears we went. Flying was strange It was like time had stopped and we stood outside of it being transported far away flying towards the sun and thought it took hours we arrived when we had left. The fear was still in my head when I stepped outside of that plane, I was nervous and uncomfortable but I had made it. When I walked out of the airport and into the street it was surreal I had the same feeling I had back then in the hallway when I stared into that poster it was almost as if I had stepped right into it I could hear people speaking a language I did not recognize , lights of various streets lamps and signs pierce my gaze as I admired the architecture I had only dream to see.

That trip helped me grow as a person in many ways. I went from fearing the unknown and unfamiliar to embracing it.The fear that I would be lost a stranger in a new world unlike any other was a real fear, but I learned something from it. It's like Jim Morrison said, "There are things known and things unknown and in between are the doors."I stepped through that door into the unknown outside of the only home I had ever known and I emerged a new person because of it.