Unanswered [12] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by tenkei
Name: Tianhui
Joined: Oct 23, 2017
Last Post: Dec 19, 2017
Threads: 4
Posts: 8  
Likes: 3
From: Japan

Displayed posts: 12
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tenkei   
Dec 19, 2017
Undergraduate / Endless possibilities awaiting me. Global UGRAD Program candidacy [3]

Your essay is really good if the prompt is "why do you WANT to participate in Global UGRAD?"
However, they are asking you about "Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program?", so you have to write about "why me".

How will you take advantages of being a participant in the program? How will you bring positive impact on overseas community?
I recommend you to write about your future vision. I hope my suggestion would help you!
tenkei   
Dec 19, 2017
Undergraduate / The graduation ceremony in Japan - your extracurricular activities 250words [4]

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences.

challenging myself



March 1st is the day of Japanese high schools' graduation ceremony. It is usually planned and operated by high school teachers. However, in our school, it is entirely conducted by the graduation ceremony committee, organized by students. Last year, I participated in this committee and was charged in explaining the ceremony schedules and directing students to their seats.

Guiding about 600 students to their seats in a short time was the hardest task, but I tried to make an efficient model of moving with my friends. We referred to the last year's procedure and did our own experiments again and again. We estimated the time of walking, lining, and sitting.(Is this saying awkward?)Then, based on these experiments, we made a plan which used time lag to make the movement flows; first, we let the first-year students move to their seat and while they are sitting, we let the juniors move. When I finished my work, I felt confidence and even looked forward to the graduation ceremony.

Finally, the day came. However, my plan did not work perfectly; due to the delay of instructions of announcement, I wasted few minutes to finish the moving. I regretted that I did not consider how to announce.

From these experiences, I learned two things. First, "perfect plan" has to consider all possibilities. Second, if I have eager to accomplish a goal, I can make it even if the goal looks difficult to achieve. I believe my experiences made me always challenge myself and enjoy it.

Thank you for reading! I really appriciate your help:)
tenkei   
Dec 19, 2017
Undergraduate / Study Plan for Global Korea Scholarship (GKS) Student Exchange Program. [3]

Your essay is overall good. However, I think your reasons for applying GKS is little inconsistent. In the first paragraph, you talked about the reason why you chose to English Linguistics and Literature. But I think your passion toward language doesn't explain your interest toward culture. Studying language and studying culture are different. That's why there are Korean Study or American Study besides East Asian Linguistics and Literature, for example.

The latter part of your essay is good! Good Luck!
tenkei   
Dec 18, 2017
Undergraduate / Correlation between my interests and the possibilities at Purdue University [3]

How will opportunities at Purdue support your interests, both in and out of the classroom?

Purdue encourages me



Purdue University is a large, leading school, meaning that I can gain plenty of opportunities relating my major, landscape architecture. Purdue, not to mention, is one of the best schools in landscape architecture. However, the advantages I can gain from it are more than that. Typically, landscape architects work on a multi-disciplinary team with environmentalists or engineers, therefore it is important to understand and communicate with them. Since Purdue especially has a high-quality STEM education, I can meet engineering or science major students. Purdue encourages me to not just concentrate on my study, but also have interests in other fields.

Thank you for reading! Please give me some advice:) grammars, contents, etc.
tenkei   
Dec 18, 2017
Undergraduate / UIUC APP ESSAY - Combining my quantitate and qualitative skills for UIUC [3]

Since your experiment is interesting, I think you can put that part in your first paragraph. It would capture readers' attention. Then, you can state about your passion toward your major. Moreover, you can write about your future goal more; though your intended major is economics, "researching the variables that affect society" sounds more like sociology, so maybe you can write about it more. I know including everything in 300-400 words essay is hard, but I hope my advice would help you! Good luck!
tenkei   
Dec 18, 2017
Undergraduate / Pitzer supplement essay: Sustainability and Social Responsibility [3]

Good essay. I recommend you to write more about how you felt when you engaged in such ativities. You just wrote about what you have done. What was the outcome after you cleaned waste? Did the residents appriciate it and did you feel sence of accomplishment? Reflect your thoughts more on your essay, not just wrote about the facts. Good luck!
tenkei   
Dec 17, 2017
Undergraduate / A brief statement outlining your interest in the field of architecture [3]

Drawing and painting



Drawing and painting is my language to convert my idea, and math and science are what have sharpened my language. The way light reflects and the reason why the rainbow is rainbow color sophisticate the way I draw shapes of objects. At the same time, depth perception makes me easier understand calculus. Art and science are in harmony for me and I cannot separate these two fields when considering my future. That a good architectural design has not only artistic beauty but also clear reasoning really attracts me. Architecture is more than supplying basic need for humans; using creativity to deal with realistic problems is what excited me and I am sure that it is suitable for me.

Thank you for reading!
tenkei   
Dec 17, 2017
Undergraduate / The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph [4]

Your essay is good and I learned how Ana changed the way you thought. I recommend you to write more about the time you find it is OK to be yourself, not to be like Ana, to achive your goal since this is the important point in your essay. Also, your decision to study physics seems too sudden. What made you change your mind?
tenkei   
Nov 1, 2017
Writing Feedback / What does it mean to be an "Aussie?" [3]

I enjoyed reading your writing. Living a country which has less diversity, I am interested in what makes Australians feel a sense of belonging. I sensed your love toward your nationality through your writing!
tenkei   
Oct 31, 2017
Undergraduate / One paragraph about my favorite space. [3]

Write one paragraph that discribes your favorite space.

I used "she" as my favorite space. Please check my grammer in particular. Also, what is meant by one paragraph? Is there no limitation of word count as long as I write one paragraph?

She is changeable and stable. The library nearby



She is in the library near my house. Entering there, you can see a hall which has a high ceiling. This library is divided into two spaces by the hall: the book corner for adults and the book corner for children. Turn left to the children's corner and pass through the lines of low bookshelves. In the corner of the space where dreams and wonder are dozing, she keeps standing quietly. She is surrounded on two sides by the lines of books about human bodies, health, and novels for children. In one side, there is a big window above low bookshelf. The sunlight and the color of the sky from the window are dancing on the round-shaped pink table which located in the center of her. The table is relatively low because it is designed for children. Though the table accounts for large portion of her, it is not all. It is said that English have scones with a lot of clotted cream. For them, scones are just a mean to relish clotted cream, though scones have larger portion than clotted cream. The table is just like scones; just a table, she is unfinished. What makes her perfect is the perspective that can see from the table. When I was an elementary school student, I would often sit inside of her, gazing light filtering through the trees dancing on the page of books. When I became little older, I sat there to talk with my friends about our future. I could sense the hope and the anxiety toward the vast world we have never seen from the small table. Every time I visit her, she gives me different perspective. I do not know if it is illusion or apocalypse, but I know she should be like that. She is changeable and stable. She is the light. She is the air. She is the table.

Thank you for reading!
tenkei   
Oct 30, 2017
Writing Feedback / Which would be cooler, a castle or a tree house? Language advice needed! ;) [4]

Tree houses neither compliment history, nor bring out the ... ( I think this is better.)

Your argument is very interesting. I think you can develop your reasoning based on history and magic more deeply to make your opinion strong. Some opponents may say tree houses do bring out the fantasies of characters like Tarzan. (Maybe not historical?) You can disscuss this matter, for example.
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