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Posts by Qianting
Name: Qianting
Joined: Nov 8, 2017		 Last Post: Nov 27, 2017
Threads: 3
Posts: 9  
Likes: 1
From: Hong Kong

Displayed posts: 12
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Qianting   
Nov 27, 2017
Writing Feedback / Opening the novelties of efficient train services for travel across city capitals [3]

IELTS 12 Test 7
In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

funding new railway lines?



People in some countries believe that a large amount of money should be used on the construction of new railways, while other people argue that emphasis should be put on developing public transport. I think both infrastructures are vital in people's daily life and we should not neglect either of it.

Railway plays one of the most fundamental role in a nation's transport, and the build of new railway lines could not only connect different cities, but also help a region's economic development. Compared to airplane, transport via trains saves far more costs, and in terms of time, it is less time-consuming in comparison with river transport. In this way, the development of railway system helps the improvement of local economy. Furthermore, it facilitates people by shortening our commuting time, helping to close connections among different cities. For instance, the traveling time is saved by double once the high-speed railway was built between Shanghai and Beijing, so the communication between people from these two cities becomes easier.

On the other hand, existing public transport is essential and affects everyone's daily life. The improvement of public transport, such as subways and buses, will have direct benefits to every citizen living in the city. In addition, the construction of public transport not only gives more options to citizens in transportation, but also becomes an expedient way to control the usage of private cars, the main source of air pollution.

In conclusion, I think financial support should be put on both constructions. Only in this way can people live a more convenient and comfortable life. (262 words)

I cherish every piece of advice!
Qianting   
Nov 27, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2: More people are moving away from an agriculture background to big cities [5]

I'd like to make some grammartical points:

Paragraph 2: Infrastructure takes time ... progress, which ... as people migrant (It is a noun..migrate should be the right expression.)to big cities.
... traffic jam, raiserise in house ...
In addition, needs for basic necessities ... (Maybe this sentence can be expressed in active voice). For example, there may not be enough ...
Qianting   
Nov 27, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITNG 1: The total number of Olympic medals won by twelve different countries. [3]

I also find it struggling to describe a bar char every time when I check with the sample answers. But I will try to share my ideas here.

My suggestion is after the summary/overview paragraph, the following paragraphs could be divided into two categories, one with countries possessing medals over 500, another with medals below 500. And in each paragraph, explain important/the most obvious information mentioned in the overview, and illustrate other points with comparison. Follow the same strategy in the fourth paragraph, but point out the smallest number with comparison. Try to cover as much as information (subjects, numbers, etc) as possible.
Qianting   
Nov 11, 2017
Writing Feedback / Sharing is a vital step in conducting research and doing business [6]

Some people believe that it is good to share as much as information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Some people believe that some information is too important or too invaluable to be shared freely.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

sharing information or keeping it under cover



It is believed that sharing is a vital step in conducting research and doing business, while some people contend the idea that not all information can be shared at wills. In my opinion, I think sharing should be encouraged in the condition that others' profits are not violated.

Information sharing plays a central role in fields like business and academic. Most scholars develop their ideas and theories based on the previous studies, so if every scientist only focuses on their own jobs without borrowing ideas from each other, innovation and creation could hardly be achieved. Walt, being as the most prestigious and significant scientists during Industrial Revolution, transformed the steam machine according to various inventors' experiences and advice. In this way, sharing information smooths the research by allowing researchers being exposed to various possibilities.

On the other hand, it is true that not all information can be shared according to everyone's wishes. Firstly, some information might be confidential and can not be set accessible to the public. For instance, during business cooperation, contracts regulated between two companies might not be open to the public. Otherwise, both companies' profits will be threatened by their opponents. Secondly, information in government or state's organizations may contain privacy of its citizens. These information, in fact, should be protected instead of being released, not to mention being passed around among different groups, since the sharing of it will cause damage to everyone's privacy.

In conclusion, I think that information sharing has many merits in various fields, but we should be aware of its result before we share it.

I will cherish every piece of advice. Thanks everyone!
Qianting   
Nov 11, 2017
Writing Feedback / TOEFL independent writing - Why go to university? [6]

Some points in grammar:
Universities and colleges are playing/play ... real life, .tThere are hundreds ...
Students can explore new interests via attending ...

Also, I think each paragraph needs to be fully explained after a topic sentence (Give one topic sentence per paragraph), followed by examples based on your own experience.
Qianting   
Nov 11, 2017
Undergraduate / My essay on why I chose pharmacy and what about it interests me? [5]

I am not an expert in Anglophone writing but I will try to give some points.
The first topic sentence Pharmacy is a stressful career to ... I think it is good to define what is your understanding of the field that you want to endeavor, but I think "stressful" might be a negative adjective in the description. Maybe you could try other alternatives to make the topic sentence sound more positive.

Paragraph 2, I wish to aid those ... no one should suffer and or die ... I am quite puzzled at this sentence, could you please try to explain in another way?

Paragraph 3, Many traits of pharmacy interest me... Personally, I think in an application form, one important fact is to show your determination and why you are needed by them in this field. Your explanation in this paragraph is persuasive, but the topic sentence might sound a bit weak in leading the whole paragraph.
Qianting   
Nov 9, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing 2 The tourism industry has grown enormously over the last fifty years. [6]

@Holt

Hi Holt. I rewrite this passage according to your advice. Hope it will not be so poor this time.

The past half century has seen a tourism boom among countries. It appears that no country was not spared by the rise of tourism. While this is seen usually as a positive development, others argue that the tourism increase does not always translate into benefits for the host country. I totally disagree with this statement for a number of reasons.

First of all, tourism functions as a catalyst of the local economy by offering various employment chances. Before many natural places are transformed into tour sites, the local could only make a living on primitive industry, such as fishing or mining due to the tough natural environment. When the local tourism is developed, people can rely on service industry, for instance, hotels and restaurants, which not only augments their income, but also thrives the local economy in general.

Additionally, tourism serves as a platform which allows multi-culture to prosper. With the influx of diversified travelers from worldwide, the local culture will be enriched through exchanging language, customs, and traditions between the local residents and tourists bilaterally. The local culture and ideology can be expanded to the outside world at the same time with the assistance of different visitors since they will also be influenced by the host culture being exposed to a foreign culture.

Furthermore, the local infrastructures, like airports and highways, will be improved with the promotion of tourism because he rising number of tourists increases the needs in public transportation. In this way, the local residents could also enjoy these developed facilities which helps them to communicate with the outside world.

Based on the aforementioned reasons, I believe tourism exerts a profound influence on a local place both economically and culturally.
Qianting   
Nov 9, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing 2 The tourism industry has grown enormously over the last fifty years. [6]

impact of tourism



Topic: The tourism industry has grown enormously over the last fifty years, and there are few places which are unaffected by it. However, tourism rarely benifits the countries which tourists visit.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Tourism, as one of the most important industry affecting a state's economy, has profound influence on the local countries. Some people argue the local can hardly get any advantages from it, while I contend tourism has brought many merits to the local country.

The most important reason is that tourism creats employment opportunities to the local where many people could only rely their livings on fishing or mining previously. The rising hotels and restaurants allow local residents to work inside. Meanwhile, the locals can make business on their own.

My second point is tourism serves as a platform of cultural exchange which promotes multiculture locally. By accepting tourists from worldwide, the local culture can be enriched during cultural infusions. Furthermore, tourist can take the local culture to their homecountry, helping expanding culture to different places.

Finally, the promotion of local tourism elevate both the local infrastructures and facilities with the increase of its needs. To some extend, the construction of airport or highways facilitate the local people and makes their life more convenient.

According to the reasons above, I beleive tourism brings the local a more prosper, convenient and multicultural life.
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