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Posts by winata7
Name: Fitri winata
Joined: Jan 10, 2018
Last Post: Jan 17, 2018
Threads: 3
Posts: 5  

From: Indonesia

Displayed posts: 8
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winata7   
Jan 17, 2018
Graduate / Personal Statement for The OSCE Academy Application 2018 Programme: Politics and Security [3]

Hi @Euterpe, you've tried your best to generate this personal statement. However, there are some sentences you should alter in order to make ur PS become a splendid personal statement :)

I supported my interest in human rights field ... it will be better if you change this sentence into I am profoundly interested in human rights which bolsters me for taking some courses such as, International Humanitarian Law, International Criminal law

In addition, please be aware of punctuation :)
winata7   
Jan 17, 2018
Writing Feedback / People have contrasting views about volunteering activity for pupils [3]

Unpaid community service for pupils



Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school program (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sport to younger children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is frequently believed that people have contrasting views about volunteering activity for pupils which becomes one of compulsory activities in their school. However, some argue that community service should not be obligatory for them. Having said that, I moderately agree with this idea.

In recent years, a volunteering activity is considered as a mandatory programme which presents a major merit for pupils. First and foremost, involving in this activities will trigger pupil's awareness to other people which develop their life skills, such as teamwork, empathy, and self-discipline. In fact, they will conscious about current situation trying to find a splendid solution. Many students, for instance, dedicate themselves for helping an orphan who lives in the orphanage to have a good food or make some event to boost their life spirit. Secondly, this sort of activities will generate positive aspect in terms of communication. By following this programme, they will definitely meet and cooperate with others which boost their communication skill. Hence, they should speak in order to socialize with others, such as elderly people, younger children, and even their classmates. This sort of skills are not taught in the classroom, so immersing in community service will make them into a sociable person. Taking into account, unpaid community service should become one of the programmes in the high school.

A further reason is a creativity, it is commonly said that volunteering activity improves their ideas in terms of finding solutions. Pupils will be freed to adopt a different approach of doing their work which bolsters their ideas and make them more creative. For example, in case of teaching sport to younger children, they will try a unique way to persuade children to follow their movement. In contrast, I believe community programme is not an absolute imperative for pupils. We can see that many students have a lot of subjects to study and that would be difficult for them in case the volunteering activity is made compulsory for them. They will profoundly face many obstacles in the academic area and sometimes they might be failed in the examinations. Thus, students have their own right to choose to be volunteer or not.

To sum up, it will be better if this programme still exists in school due to their benefits to pupils. Yet, I believe this activity should not be compulsory for students which make them to be freed to choose regarding their interest.
winata7   
Jan 17, 2018
Graduate / Reason for pursuing career in Occupational Therapy and why this school. Short Personal Statement [3]

@Summings

Hi summings, you've tried your best to generate this personal statement. However, there are some sentences you should alter in order to make ur PS become a splendid personal statement.

As an OT, I know I will work in ..., it will be good if you change this sentence into As an OT, I am definitely sure that I will work with many people from different background
winata7   
Jan 12, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - Some people think art is an essential subject while others think it's a waste of time [3]

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time.
Discuss both sides and give your opinion?


is art an useful subject to study?



The question about whether art becomes a necessary course in school curriculum or becomes worthless subject continues to be controversial issues nowadays. This essay will present discussions regarding both points of view along with my personal insight.

On the one hand, those who support art turn to become one of school subject believed that art will play a pivotal role in student development. It will stimulate their creativity when they immerse in this activity. By giving them an empty paper and letting them make something, for instance, will generate their unpredictable ability. Moreover, art enthusiast highlight that art subject will diminish their stress after having serious class, such as mathematics, physic, chemistry, etc. Undoubtedly, this subject will create more fun class and the authority should involve this subject into a school curriculum.

On the other hand, though, opponents of art subject point out that art subject will waste their time. It will be better for them to study others subject. In fact, art is not one of a mandatory subject included in national examination compared to other subjects. Based on that, it might be fabulous to spent time on the primary subject rather than art subject. Furthermore, it is noticeable that art subject is an additional activity for the student which can be an extracurricular activity rather than become school subject.

In my opinion, it is undeniable that the existence of art subject in school curriculum is profoundly essential as long as the length of time does not exceed other main subjects.

To sum up, I believe that art is notable school subject in terms of bolster student creativity and provide a pleasant atmosphere in the class. In contrast, some people frequently thought that art subject is wastage time.

282 words
winata7   
Jan 12, 2018
Writing Feedback / Do you think eating together is important to people in your country? [5]

Hi @dongbinh_44
It will be better for you to alter this sentence
Society is more and more developement quickly into this sentence Society is burgeoning day by day
Burgeoning has similar meaning with development quickly, but this word is more advanced to use in the essay. in addition, please be aware of spelling :) for instance, you write developement, you can see what's wrong with this word
winata7   
Jan 12, 2018
Undergraduate / These are the reasons why I am willing to go to Japan (Cover letter) [3]

Hi @lmhieu1108
It will be better if you alter this sentences
What Japan can bring to me is numerous into this sentence There are several reasons why I have been attracted by Japan
Above all, I and they we really enjoyed

keep up good work
winata7   
Jan 12, 2018
Writing Feedback / Some children are born with certain talents, however others claim that skills can be taught [3]

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

truly gifted children?



It is commonly thought that there are two types of children in this world. A gifted children which is born with special ability as well as a talented children which is born to be learner if they eager to master particular talents such as sport and music. Both of them have their own strength which will be addressed in this essay.

On the one hand, some people said that gifted children are the luckiest one. Naturally, it is happened due to particular ability adhere to them since they were born. Their development are often beyond their parents expectation. It might not surprise us, for instance, children who emerge in television with splendid talent in music playing arduous technique even they are still in pre-school age. Moreover, they obtain it spontaneously which is literally given by god to them, as a result they will conquer some talents without any frequently exercise.

On the other hand, though, opponents of gifted children highlight the possibility of other children to have certain talents compared to gifted children. Firstly, children can be taught for mastery particular talent that they interested in, such as music and sport. Many research provide information regarding many children which are taught seriously will be expert in specific talent in the future. For instance, many famous musician and athlete have passed their long training times to master in music or sport. Secondly, birth ratio of gifted children are lower than talented children which means many children are talented person, as a result they were born to be a lifelong learner.

In conclusion, I believe every children are born to be raising star but the way they attain it is completely different. It might be achieved by teaching them and giving continuous exercise, while others reach that due to their inborn talent. However, the deceive factors are still depended on their hard working.

307 words
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