Posts by NKNam123

NKNam123

Mar 26, 2018

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2: In your opinion, what has been the most significant transportation... [4]

@cencenhi @Holt thanks for your feedback, I'll rewrite it :)

NKNam123

Mar 25, 2018

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2: In your opinion, what has been the most significant transportation... [4]

most useful innovation in the transportation field

Topic: In your opinion, what has been the most significant transportation innovation of the past 200 years?
Over past 200 years, science and technology developed significantly. One of the outstanding achievements is the invention of the plane. That made various changes in historical transportation. In my viewpoint, there are three main reasons associated with this innovation.

At the first place, the generation of plane helps people transport more times quicker than in the past. To be more detail, the plane can move between different places in the sky. Each one has a private airline that is not affected by traffic-signal lights, traffic jam or other modes of transportation. Therefore, Planes are able to move smoothly and quickly. For instance, in the ancient times, it is 12 hours that people spend in moving from Ho Chi Minh City to Ha Noi capital by train or automobile. Nowadays, people can present in Ha Noi after 2 hours flying from Ho Chi Minh City. That helps people save a large amount of time for doing other things.

At the second place, plans are kind of transportation that help people move easily. Nowadays, people can stand in the places where they could not reach or difficult to come in the past like in the top of a mountain or an island inside the sea result by planes. For example, to visit Phu Quoc Island, which is in southeast Viet Nam, from Ho Chi Minh City, visitors must drive 6 hours before moving 2 hours by ship in the past rather than 2 hours by plane in the recent years. Besides, if moving by plane, people do not need to waste time for many times checking-in and waiting in stations. Therefore, it makes transportation easier.

For the last reason, planes are the most convenient transportation for its usefulness. In emergency situations, moving fast is the most important thing because the police or doctor must run out of time. When planes were invented, it became the best choice of the authorities in difficult situations.

In conclusion, the innovation of this mode of transportation developed people's living standard. It makes transportation quicker and easier. It played a primary role in the nation's transportation.

NKNam123

Mar 25, 2018

Writing Feedback / Colleges and universities have to enroll the same numbers of students in both genders in all subject [4]

In my view, I think there are some mistakes in your essay:
in the 1st paragraph: you should write some other sentences before paraphrasing the topic. For instance, "Nowadays, something...something...Therefore, some people believe that Colleges and universities have to....". Then, you give your statement and continue to the body. you should not write other sentences that are not necessary.

in the 2nd paragraph, the explanation should be clearer, more logical. You should use more conjunction words and give example if possible.
"damage" usually is used for things. You should say " injury".

in the 3rd paragraph, people of different gender.
men are stronger
schools of engineering
"in biology" --> " in physical"
in the 4th paragraph, all programmes do not work
"So" are an informal word, replaced by hence, as a result, consequently, accordingly,...
in the last paragraph: there is no advantage
Your conclusion is not close to the topic.

NKNam123

Mar 21, 2018

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing part 1 - percentage of people aged 65 and over (line graph) [3]

Your report looks like enough word-under 150 words
In the first paragraph, you can paraphrase "aged 65 and above" become "who are over 65 years old" in order to differentiate from the topic sentence.
In the 2nd paragraph, It is not "consumption". You can write " the popularity of senior citizen in all countries".
In the 3rd paragraph, "there were 7% of population aged 65 and over in Sweden" replaced by "there was 7% of the Swedish population is over 65 years old"

"increase to 28% in 2040" replaced by "is predicted to increase to 28% in 2040"
You should write "in the United States"
The last paragraph, "reach a high of 27%" replace by "reach the highest point in this survey of 27% " or " peak of"

NKNam123

Mar 21, 2018

Writing Feedback / Circus Entertainment - IELTS writing task 2 correction [3]

Thank you so much!!! I will check and write it again :)

NKNam123

Mar 20, 2018

Writing Feedback / Circus Entertainment - IELTS writing task 2 correction [3]

Topic: In your opinion, why is the circus still a popular form of entertainment in the modern electronic age?

Circus Entertainment and Modern Life

Entertainment is a basic part of life. Circuses is a type of entertainment which appeared for a long time ago and become absolutely famous today. Based on my experience and observation, I think there are various following reasons cause this situation.

At the first place, the circus always wins everyone's heart, children in particular. Obviously, all circuses are equipped a large number of color lights, outstanding shapes as well as loudly announcement. Especially, lovely animals and clown which attract children's attention, are essential there. When the young in a family want to come circuses, other members usually do together. Therefore, the circuses absolutely gain a primary position in entertainment demand of families.

At the second place, the circuses are unique places for trained animal performances. For instance, if someone would like to enjoy a monkey-riding performance, they have to come circuses because there is no place excepted circus present that. For that reason, circuses are not replaced by any other kind of entertainment.

At the third place, the entrance tickets of the circus are costly. It is suitable for all classes of people in society. Depending on the situation in the area the circus based on, the circus will prepare the number of performances that fit the people's living standard there and sell suitable classes of the ticket. Therefore, every citizen in the area are able to come and enjoy this mode of entertainment.

In conclusion, the circus always plays a primary role in individuals' life because of its usefulness. However, it is necessary to make some change to keep pace with modern society in the future.