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Posts by zealzou
Joined: Sep 19, 2009
Last Post: Feb 11, 2010
Threads: 11
Posts: 54  

From: China

Displayed posts: 65 / page 2 of 2
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zealzou   
Nov 28, 2009
Undergraduate / 'New ways / The Getaway' -Tufts University - Why Tufts? & Short Story [13]

OK, thanks! I will revise it like "A tiny robot fell into Professor Feinstein's room."

I forgot about the rule when using "there be"...thanks!

And for "Why", I will add maybe a sentence or two to illustrate its curriculum. There is a strict word limit so I don't have the place to talk about many aspects...

Thanks! I am waiting for more critiques.
zealzou   
Nov 30, 2009
Undergraduate / 'New ways / The Getaway' -Tufts University - Why Tufts? & Short Story [13]

You are right...Actually it is already more than 50 words long...but it is ok for the 500 characters. I will delete a sentence and maybe combine some short senteces to save some space for the "curriculum".Thanks!

Waiting for more suggestions and critiques!
zealzou   
Dec 1, 2009
Undergraduate / human evolution - Does this essay sound too much like a rant? [7]

I like your idea. But I am afraid that this essay, which talks about your diverse background at the beginning and your "family's expectation" in the end, is like to be lose of focus.

Definitely, your family has lots of intersting attributes and maybe both of them are very important to you. However, when you put the two in one essay, there seems to be hardly relationship between them and maybe reader will feel confused about why do you mention your grandfather's words. maybe focus on one point is better.

Just a suggestion~
zealzou   
Dec 1, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Everyone was not satisfied with our monitor' - How did you get caught? [15]

How did you get caught? --- U Chicago's essay

Everyone was not satisfied with our monitor. My friends said that this guy was timid to make decision and unaware of our needs. Some suggested that I took place of him because I was a friend with everyone and they would be willing to have me as the monitor, but I laughed and refused. I just embarrassed the guy on every occasion, and our class was in a funny mess.

On December 27th, 2007, my sixteenth birthday, we went to an auditorium for a concert in the afternoon. Ms Wang told us to have lunch at school and arrive there by 1:30. However, a couple of my friends said they wanted to go out. "It's your birthday. Let's go somewhere else."

Their words stirred my will of rebellion. I looked at Ms Wang and thought, why should I listen to you?

Finally, we went to a pizza restaurant. Surprisingly, the monitor came with us. He sat at the same table though hardly anybody spoke to him. At last, I said to him, "Since you have come, let's eat together."

I was initially happy because I had "summoned him to surrender". Contrary to my expectation, he left the restaurant after eating only one piece. We immediately discovered that he was a spy who had gone to inform it to the teacher. It was 1:15 already! When we arrived at the auditorium, Ms Wang was right there waiting at the door while the monitor was snickering beside her. I was fooled; we got caught.

That day, Ms Wang talked a lot with me. She asked me why I insisted on breaking the rules and also led others to do so. "You are influential in the class. I will feel hard to manage everything if you take the lead to break the rules. Have you ever thought what I shall do if you do whatever you like and other boys too? I know you are not satisfied with the monitor, but I hope you can think ways to solve the problem, not to make more trouble to show your discontentment."

I went home alone that day. Ms Wang's words echoed again and again in my mind. I calmed down, and rethought what I had done all this days. I had always considered myself as a leader of the students, but was I? Is being a leader just like creating a mess in the class with my friends? A true leader should at least take his responsibility.

I was more orthodox after that day. I finally entered our class election and was elected as the monitor. Actually, that job was not easy. I once had prejudice over our former monitor because of his "inability", but the truth was that I didn't understand unless I was on his position. On many situations, our prejudice is not because of misunderstanding, but refusing to understand. Besides, shouldn't an open and friendly person be broadminded, aiming to do something good, rather than so cynical and always eager to find other's faults? If I can influence others, I should do something that is beneficial for everyone; if I cannot, I should at least comely with the rules. This will not make me look unintelligent. The important thing is not how much I can influence people, but how much I can benefit them.

The 7 boys who went together to eat out that day became brothers in our soccer team and short movie studio. When we were fighting together for our trophy and our movie, I felt completely different from before. We supported each other, finished the task together efficiently, and promised each other to cooperate again in the future. In those days, I realized the first time the true happiness of being a friend and a leader.

Please review. Thanks!~
zealzou   
Dec 3, 2009
Undergraduate / 'New ways / The Getaway' -Tufts University - Why Tufts? & Short Story [13]

I feel encouraged....I will apply to become a contributer now and do my best to help others and practise my skills! Thanks!

I know. The use of tense is one of my weak points, because there is no concept of "tense" in my native language. I will practise that from now on.

Thanks Kevin! Although the job of contributer might still be a little bit challenging for me, I will still try my best to provide some meaningful suggestions and then apply for that.
zealzou   
Dec 3, 2009
Undergraduate / "Stop playing video games! " - Commonapp Short Answer and Personal Essay. [6]

I like your essay! You write about the piano in both articles, but you can find difference angles from "one piano". They mold your values and shape you in different ways. That can show that you are not just playing the piano, you are thinking with the piano about everything in your life!

ps...The two articles should be from different angles, no overlap areas, which is what you did...or maybe the AO will be confused that you mention the same thing in two essays.
zealzou   
Dec 3, 2009
Undergraduate / Environmentalism and Leonardo da Vinci - The Common App Short Answer and Essay [10]

A piece of advice on the first passage.... I like that topic very much, but I want to hear you talk more about your sense of pride of "help save the world". I think your sense is more important than the activity itself and maybe readers care about howyou have growed after that.

Just a suggestion~
zealzou   
Dec 3, 2009
Undergraduate / An experience that is plain fun [5]

Prompt:Although it may appear to the contrary, we do know that people have a life beyond what they do to get into college. Tell us about an experience you have had outside of your formal classroom and extracurricular activities that was just plain fun and why.

I was in Hong Kong on November 7. After finishing the SAT, there were still 6 hours to my departure, I thought: where was I going? I did not know what's ahead and behind me. I looked at the sky scrapers blocking out the sky and the people coming and going for several seconds and then made up my mind: I am going to the sea! I did not have a map, but I have a compass on my watch. My only knowledge was that the sea was in the south, perhaps not too far away.

Above was the only sky. I looked at this immense city in front of me curiously, walking with only a rough direction in my mind. I saw the City University of Hong Kong and mingled into their campus with students. Some students were just having a commencement. The campus spurred my imagination of college. What should be an ideal college like? I have been searching and searching for the answer. I wanted to find pictures beyond rank, accepting rate and average score. Those sofas in the hall and the students talking there, typing on their laptop; the articles and posters on the "Wall of Democracy"; and the scent of latte from the café... I received colorful contents of the word "college".

I saw on the road unexpected sceneries, ordinary yet impressive. Boys played rugby in the roadside field, rushing and shouting; running people passed the busy streets swiftly, are they also heading the sea like me? I walked out of the malls. Workers sat beside the street, Quaffing from their bottles; I walked into the park. A baby in carriage laughed when seeing the fountain, and his mother then stopped and held him up. He clapped and clapped when touching the dancing water.

Finally, I arrived at the sea, after three hours of long march, exhausted. The scorching sunlight at 3:30 at Hong Kong roasted my body; my shoulders ached intensely because of my heavy school bag, and I felt as if my shirt had just been washed. There was not a single person on the levee, for all the benches were hot enough to burn an ant.

I watched around blankly: sky scrapers and golden, dazzling sea water. I told myself weakly; yes, you made it. Then I ran back with my last volume of energy and lay down under a tree.

I love exploring since young. Even if it is an unknown destination or an unclear direction, I will follow my heart and walk ahead, for the plain happiness. The destination is not what I really want; I have seen the most beautiful sceneries along the road. They are beautiful because they are unknown.

What I pursue in life is not the ultimate goal, but the kaleidoscopic pictures in the journey. I hope to see them and feel them with a vive heart, an exploring mind. I will still walk on to the next destination, even if I don't have a map. It could be a city I don't know, a subject I am not familiar with, even a business that no one has ever thought about. I may have only a rough image, a direction told by the North Star, and a dream, and that's enough.

(PS:I wrote about the same experience in another short essay for a different school. Generally the two essay carries the same idea, but the contents are different.)

Please help me have a look. Thanks!~
zealzou   
Dec 5, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Everyone was not satisfied with our monitor' - How did you get caught? [15]

Thank you,Kevin! I won't use numbers that much...I would use words instead. How do you think of the idea of this passage? I want to show my understanding of "leadership". Do I need to talk more about it and reveal something more?... I have always been worrying that this might be still "too little to apply for chicago...."
zealzou   
Dec 5, 2009
Undergraduate / An experience that is plain fun [5]

Thanks! So, for the parts of experience and habit, I will use past tense; and for those parts talking about my calues, beliefs, something that is beyond that specific time, I will use present tense...I hope that is not going to create a mess in the passage...
zealzou   
Dec 5, 2009
Undergraduate / Chinese Cooking Master, What I did in the summer------Princeton supplement [8]

I like your essay...and your first essay really taught me a lot...I knew to just show myself in a natural way, no matter Princeton or who would read that...

I have a piece pf advice for the 2nd one. You talked a lot about your "1 shuttle, 2 flights, 3 family rides, 4 trains, 15 subways". But I think they are just facts,numbers. I think what you meditate and what your unique ideas were in this time of solitude might be more touching then these facts...maybe fewer facts, but more you?...just suggestion~~
zealzou   
Dec 7, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Everyone was not satisfied with our monitor' - How did you get caught? [15]

You are right...thanks~! In my revision I have replaced this sentence. I won't use any language that is not suitable here in an self reflective essay,...And I will do more to reflect on myself rather than criticising our monitor~

Big Heart ==

Thank you for your comment! I think you have given me a great suggestion. My understnading of "being a monotor" has changed after the event and I am now a good friend of our monotor ( hard to believe...haha) The thing has taught me to view everything objectively, so my prejudice of him actually disappeared. In addition, I think being tolerent and broadminded is an important point of real leadership, and I am also reflecting what I had done when I try to embarrase someone I didn't like...

Kevin..
Good idea...maybe that would raise reader's interest...thanks!
zealzou   
Dec 10, 2009
Undergraduate / 2 short essays: Why Chicago & My favourite film. [6]

Here are two short essays for U Chi. Please help me review them. Thanks!

Question 1. How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to Chicago.

When I looked at the viewbook of Chicago for the first time, I saw the solemn buildings like Gothic castle. The carved patterns were just like winkles on an old philosopher's face. I was immediately filled with deep esteem to this shrine of knowledge and meditation. When I looked at it for the second time, still that building, this time I saw the vive trees and ivies surrounding it under golden sunlight. I was excited about this life and vitality. If the buildings are mind, the trees will be life, the life of mind. In my eyes, this is the perfect combination of thought and vigor.

I was always reflecting about myself when I applied for colleges. It gave me a chance to reflect on everything I have done and quest its meaning. Everything happens is something I should think about. I am also a boy who loves exploring. Even if ahead of me is an unknown destination, I will follow my heart, try with all my energy till exhaustion, just as the booming life in Chicago campus. I hope to walk into the ivory tower, then out of the ivory tower, and then brave to my dream.

Question 2. Would you please tell us about a few of your favorite books, poems, authors, films, plays, pieces of music, musicians, performers, paintings, artists, magazines, or newspapers? Feel free to touch on one, some, or all of the categories listed, or add a category of your own.

My favorite film is The Patriots. In this film, there is a picture that is deeply engraved in my mind: As American militias fled under the attack of British army, Captain Martin held a flag and marched forward. The Stars and Stripes was tattered. There were holes of bullets and blood of soldiers on it. However, its red color brightened under the golden sunlight, and soldiers were held back by Martin and fought again... I am not American, but I am still deeply moved. Had American people, who live in the world's strongest country, ever thought that their national flag had been on the verge of breaking?

Watching The Patriots, I was always thinking: what kind of life can be an ideal one? When I was talking about our career plans with my friends, someone told me: study finance! You can earn $100000 a year! Someone told me: study business! You can have mansions and fabulous cars. When more and more people dream about luxurious life, I ask myself: Are they that important?

Perhaps, Martin is not a famous person. His name will not be written into history textbook like General Washington. However, when he saw the rosy down of hope in the sky, when he saw the people he shed his blood for constructing the new world, and when he saw, if possible, the country he devoted his life to is going to be a rising land of freedom in the world, what will he feel then? In my eyes, those who can smile with satisfaction when reviewing their life courses are richer than any millionaire. I watched the Patriots for many times, but each time I still could not stop my tears when I see the house that is being built, the flourishing life in the field, and the booming future of the new world before Captain Martin. I love those creators, because they have left endless hopes and possibilities for the world.

Perhaps I do not have the noble spirit like those patriots, but I still believe that there is something beyond blonde, Ferrari and a mansion. No matter what life cause I am going, I will always revive this movie when I am numb and lost in material reality. I believe that a man who can live his life like Captain Martin is the happiest one in this world.

Here are my worries:
First, my first essay is based totally on an impression of this university. I talked about its value and vitality, which might be sort of vague. Do I need to be more specific, talk about my career plan, or intended major? I am writing in this way because I am not applying because of its good curiculum or major, but because I simply like the school, like its style.

Second, I am afraid my second essay is too long...But I am really passionate about the topic and feel hard to reduce the words into two paragraphs...How should I revise this?

Welcome any suggestions and critiques! I really appreciate your help!
zealzou   
Dec 10, 2009
Undergraduate / Why Lehigh University + Equity and Community - Supplement [6]

I like your essay~ especially the second one. It's interesting for schools to ask such questions...

Some suggestions~ I think for the first essays, you don't need to talk about so many things like "choosing a school, using the internet, 4 colleges". Maybe AO don't acre about how many colleges do you choose and you don't have to tell them so much. Also, many international students (like me) don't have the chance to visit the school. We all use internet, so I think it's unnecessary to mention that~

In addition, when you talk about what you can contribute to Lehigh, maybe you can get more specific. You statement (accomplish as many things possible and contribute to the things that I can, fiscally and spiritually) actually is rather vague and we feel difficult to vision what you will do for the university.

Just a suggestion~
zealzou   
Dec 24, 2009
Undergraduate / 2 short essays: Why Chicago & My favourite film. [6]

Thanks for your comment! I revised the Y Chicago according to your suggestion. I still didn't talk about the "major" because I wanted to focus on the school's style. This time, I talked more about myself and my relationship with the school:

To be honest, I applied to Chicago because of the unconventional essay question. Everybody says it's the toughest one, but my first reaction is not going for an easy topic, but welcoming and thinking about it. I am a boy who always wants to think a bit more about everything. The prompt is tough, but challenging myself and touching something I seldom think about is really a pleasant game of brain. Through the question, I can feel the thoughtful air and exploring mind of Chicago, which are what I love all the time.

When I looked at the viewbook of Chicago for the first time, I saw the solemn buildings like Gothic castle. The carved patterns were just like wrinkles on an old philosopher's face. I was immediately filled with deep reverence by this shrine of knowledge and meditation. Later, still that building, I saw the vive trees and ivies surrounding it under golden sunlight. If the buildings are mind, the trees will be life, the life of mind. That is a perfect combination of thought and vigor. Here, I will get unique experiences seemingly conflicting yet harmoniously mixed: an exploring scholar, and a scholarly explorer.

Please help me. Thanks!~!~!~
zealzou   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / 2 short essays: Why Chicago & My favourite film. [6]

You are right!~ I feel so too when i write the two paragraghs. I will try to express more about the style of school and style of myself through the essay questions in order to link it naturally with the second paragragh, thus forming a better general impression.

Thanks~~~~~~

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