Writing Feedback / There is a myriad of people who believe that physically harmful sports ought to be forbid - IELTS 2 [6]

DANGEROUS SPORTS SHOULD BE BANNED OR NOT?

Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think it should be free. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

My essay:
Nowadays, there is a myriad of people believe that physically harmful sports ought to be forbidden. However, some groups of people consider it is ordinary and should be continued displaying on many TV channels. This essay will discuss both notions and state my own position.

On the one hand, prohibiting devastating sports has few incredibly undisputable advantages. In fact, there are some sports really unsuitable for children like boxing and rugby to watch because of some bloody scenes. Secondly, a particular group of kids will imitate to play that high-risk sports while they are still young. For instance, everyone can search on the Internet and they will see a plethora of images about injured children playing extreme sports. As a result, if the government prevent these types of sports on time, they can constrain the many incidents, injuries or even deaths in the prospect. Thus, they can also avert children from

mental problems like furious, psychological disorders, etc.
On the other hand, I strongly believe that permitting extreme sports showing on TV shows and let people play in the real life has lots of amazingly undeniable benefits. First of all, people who are a big fan of watching dangerous sports will feel happy because they can now watch it. Secondly, some sports are not that hazardous like people think and can be played like skiing, skateboarding, dancing, or normal parkour if they have their professional P.E teacher. Hence, children can enjoy their passions and live willingly in their life. Moreover, while they are playing or practicing them, it could enhance their body health like endurance, muscles which mean they have enough energy or study at school and not being bored ( :) ).

To recapitulate, both viewpoints are all correct but in my personal thinking that the positive outcomes of dangerous sports outweigh the dark sides.

Thank for reading my essay and if u have any ideas about my mistakes or if this essay too long, don't be shy and tell me :D ( Have a nice day! )

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: ANIMAL SHOULD BE "EMPLOYED" OR THEY SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT AS HUMANS ? [4]

treating pets by human

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Throughout many centuries, there is a myriad of people believe that animals are born to be eaten or analyzed for scientific purposes. Personally, i see this too cruel and completely disagree with this point of view.

First of all, in some parts of the world, it has been proven that eating creatures or surveying them is a brutal,disgusting activity. The reason is because some of the animals have nearly same characteristics,brain,activity as humans, so why they cannot having the right to become the human, which they have independent and freedom. Take the eastern culture as an example. They have said that animals are reincarnated from the human beings and the reason they become animals is because they have done many bad things in the earthly world. Therefore, if the humans kill and eat those poor creature, it means they kill and eat themselves too.(right :) )

In addition, some of the people say that meat of the animals are nutritious and necessary. In fact, they are actually have some needed-nutrition, but downsides of them are too much. To be more specific, the downsides are the hugh cholesterol in them which could create many health problems like hardening, narrowing the elasticity in arteries or blood vessel or even cancer. Thus, instead of consuming unwholesome food, why dont the humans try to eat whole food that based on plant, which is much more healthier and more safe.

In conclusion, eating and researching on animals are savage and painful, they should not be despised and should be appreciated, respected, and maintained.( i know sb wont believe what i have written here but u should google it, of course deeply )

i will really appreciate who give me the comments or feedback about anything in myessay !

Writing Feedback / Students should become good people by their parents or their school ? ( ielt task 2 ) [3]

Whose responsibility to make students good citizens?

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society.
Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.[

Throughout these years, many people believe that children have to be good citizens of the society and they should be educated by their parents. On the other hand, there is also a myriad of people think that school is the best choice to make them become good people for the society. While i admit with both standpoints, i still strongly argue that there has to be a cooperation between the parents and schools.

On the one hand, parents teach their children has some undisputable benefits. The reason is because they have some precious knowledge, experiences that school does not have. For instance, some parents who are experienced entrepreneurs are definitely better than teachers at school about selling, which means if the boys or girls learn from their parents will be a better businessman than study at school and of course, they could avoid many mistakes in the business world. By contrast, the education from school can sometime enlighten student better than at home. In fact, school gives students great solid knowledge about everything from the elementary to academic like vocabularies, languages, basics math, history and so on.

However, i think it will be more beneficial if the children learn from both of them. To be more specific, school should be a hard foundation and then the parents will give them the "equipments" that they have learned in their life in order to let them "fly" far and "stay" safe in some renowned company or even open their own store. In other words, parents and schools are both must-have materials for the children.

To recapitulate, a combination between parents and school is best way to transform students become good citizens.
( this is my first writing so i am sorry for some mistakes and faults that i made is this essay and i will really really appreciate who give me feedbacks :), btw, i am using my own character is write this and not follow my teacher. If u guys see something that "go to far :)" plz tell me )