Undergraduate / I know that I belong at FIT - I will be able to thrive there and meet my full potential [3]

... own flare onto into the line...
I was have always always been inspired by ..., and always saw see myself ...

For your secondary paragraph, it better to start will when you developed your clothing line before you talk about your greatest accomplish in the clothing line, and later on some of the sentences at the end of that paragraph didn't connect. You need to restructure to make it flow.

In the world of business, more... (This would be better to say: In process of publicity, advertisement is....)

..., because I want get hands on experience and take full advantage of ...

Scholarship / I would like to be a connection between Korean and western world market [7]

"I graduated university ..."

This would be better to say that: I had my first degree in Human Biology in the year 2011 and I received my masters in .......
Later on you said you carried out a job, I think you need to find the proper work for that and you said again that: Thanks to work experience, remember it's not a gratifying message

In the third paragraph you need to find the right word for "after having, completed my studies"

Later on you said you your passion to travel but you didn't stated it earlier

You need to re-read and find the right word to restructure your essay. The paragraphs are not connecting

Writing Feedback / (IELTS Task 2) Discuss sport professionals' salaries [3]

some sportpeople did not flow. It would be better to say: ... some sportpeople, or To some extent some sportpeople

There are lot of grammatical errors, especially the second paragraph. You need to find the right words

Writing Feedback / Topic: A family has a great influence on children's development.. [2]

This can could be written as: ... developed nowadays, so the kids access ...

From the beginning of your second paragraph, you can to make it flow. You can put the second sentence as first, follow by the first sentence and then the third sentence follows.

Try to restructure the second point of your third paragraph and also when you are giving an instances, it better to start with "if"

Scholarship / Leadership as an avenue to inspire and mentor others [3]

Tell them what you have done that makes you the right person to be the team lead.
"As a consultancy that recruited in cohorts, it was rare that an associate in their first year got to lead engagements"
The first tense would be better by saying: The consultancy recruites in cohorts.......

"Being the youngest in the team of four, I encountered opposition from my mates who assumed I did not have adequate experience and the capacity to lead"

This didn't flow with the previous sentence and the sentence that follows

"It was this experience that developed my liking for risk engagements"
This could be better by sayin: it was this experiences that developed my interest for risk management engagement

Try to restructure your essay, especially the first paragraph and for the second paragraph restructure too and give a proper break-down

Scholarship / Networking is crucial to developing the economy further - Chevening [4]

"During this period, I organized ... To achieve this, I was ..."

The first sentence indicated you are already doing something... It's not a task that flows with the beginning of the second sentence.

Your second paragraph is more or less a leadership answer

Graduate / Applying Umass, UCI, TAMU, Gatech - MS in computer science with Machine Learning as Specialization [3]

During my undergraduate days, i was sitting closely to my elder brother watching the Google I/O, when Sundar Pichai introduced various product's advancement and new features in Google home, photos and maps, using Artificial Intelligence and Machine Learning.

It was to my surprise when seeing the result of Deep Visual-Semantic Alignments for Generating Image Descriptions while working on Image captioning project which made me more curious for Computer Vision.

This made me understood more about supervised learning, unsupervised learning and reinforcement learning that made the problem-solving statements more interesting for me and deepened my interest in AI. All these exposure gave me the desire that lie within applicable ideas that have a strong theoretical foundation.

In order to learn the possibilities of ML and its practical utilities, I spent my summer holidays working as a Machine Learning Intern at Cuisinelinks, where I integrated Amazon Alexa with an external API facilitating online food ordering and reserving the table.

I prepare use cases for the clients of the company for using ML/AI in their business for forecasting their traffic, developing recommender system for the menu which has helped the company to increase in profit by 20%.

During this process, I observed an existing problem residing in the current system for navigation of vehicle in an unstructured and unmapped environment.
The solution proposed by Google, Waymo and Tesla to this problem is accurate - but incurs high cost and resources(like LiDARs).

This has imbue me in getting exposure to Computer Vision, Simultaneous Localization and Mapping, Artificial Intelligence which can also solve other perception problem in robotics.

While working, I faced challenges solving the path prediction problem on Indian Highways to avoid accidents.
As at that time, I was unable to do much work as I was diverted to another work but had developed curiosity and interest on how to work on such a challenging real world problem.