Posts by marlynoktavia [Suspended]

marlynoktavia

Sep 29, 2020

Writing Feedback / Task 2 ielts - Different views about what top priorities of our government should be [3]

Hi! I think in the first paragraph, you should refrain from voicing your opinion because you favored the later opinion compared to the first. Instead, you can say how you understand both perspectives and arguments. Then explain how you understand the government's views on the second paragraph. In the third, you can say "However, other issues such as ... are also as important. I personally believe that....."

I hope my comment helps

marlynoktavia

Sep 29, 2020

Scholarship / Focus, responsibility, attitude - leadership and influence (Chevening) [5]

Hi! what a noble job you have. I think I understand your essay but it needs work on the grammars and vocabularies.

I have some notes you might want to work on as well:

1. In the first paragraph, you might want to explain how the experience "contribute" to you being a better leader and what you learn from the experience

2. In the second, you mentioned about holding a position in the hospital and your day to day activities. I think you should highlight just one or two exact example on how this position you have make a contribution while you're sitting on the position.

3. You might want to explore more as to why the communication skill you have contribute to you being a good leader, not just a communicator.

good luck!

marlynoktavia

Sep 29, 2020

Scholarship / MSc E-Business and Innovation / Security - My STUDYING Essay 4 Chevening Award [4]

Hi I think you gave a very comprehensive essay on the courses you choose. However, adding to Holt's comments, I think instead of putting your background in the bottom, it is better to put it in the beginning along with a short correlation of the purpose of taking this degree to your main vision.

The flow of the essay also needs a bit of work particularly in the last paragraph. You might want to add as to how the three have commonalities and differences.

I wish you luck!

marlynoktavia

Jun 8, 2019

Letters / Help me out to apply for Management Consulting Firm with this cover letter [2]

Hi @Holt and everyone, would you kindly review my cover letter to apply for a management consulting firm?
Thank you very much for the kind assistance :)

i am a candidate for the Consultant position

Dear Sir/ Madam,

With this letter, I would like to introduce myself as a candidate for the Consultant position at [COMPANY]. As a well-educated and qualified candidate, I believe I can give my contribution to the growth of [COMPANY].

My interest in consulting can be dated back to when I had a chance to be involved in a project funded by the government to do a research about ASEAN Economic Community's Impacts towards Indonesia's Manpower. I assisted my academic adviser on research and slice and dicing on detailed factors that were important to complete the project. After the project finished, I found that I had a significant interest to pursue my career where I can do research and problem solving activities of which are the major work of a business consultant.

The first reason of my disposition to work at [COMPANY] is for its whole purpose as a company. The company strives to build capabilities that enable organizations to achieve breakthrough improvements in the short term, while significantly raising their performance trajectory long term. Not only does it succeeds to come on top of consulting industry, the company continuously develop the people and values relationship as the key to success. During my current role as a consultant at Mercer, my responsibilities include conducting research and gathering data, interviewing my clients' employees and stakeholders, facilitating focus groups discussions, constructing presentations and proposals, according recommendations to the client, and preserving clear communication with the clients. I have advised clients located in Indonesia, Thailand, Singapore, and Vietnam. During my career, I helped clients to revamp their organization capabilities that have refined companies' brands and increased their competitiveness in the market. I aspire to create a long-term relationship with each client and firmly believe that it will be valuable for my journey at [COMPANY].

My bachelor's degree in International Relations from Parahyangan Catholic University and TU Dortmund has proved to be invaluable during my career as a Consultant. My studies in International Political Economy, International Law of Economics, Economics, and Statistics provided me with the critical mindset I needed to be successful in this field. I gained valuable communication and time management skills leading me to pride myself in my ability to produce quality work efficiently.

Believing in people, opportunities, and growth, [COMPANY] inspired me to be both contributive and respectful. With my hardworking attitude, analytical thinking, and interpersonal skill and, I believe that I will be an asset to [COMPANY]. I thank you for the opportunity. I look forward for further process.

Best regards,

Marlyn Oktavia