Undergraduate / UBC PERSONAL PROFILE - something about yourself, also according to opinions of others [2]

Tell us about who you are

Hi guys here's my personal profile for UBC. I tried to start off with a bit of story by showing instead of telling. Do you think this is effective? Or does it just sound artificial and not from the perspectives of my family/friends? Please let me know what you think in terms of the intensity of this writing.

Tell us about who you are. How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 250 words)

In grade eight I decided I will become a lifeguard. Determined to reach my goal one day, I relentlessly trained, and studied as much as I could. I would practice at the pool every week, carrying twenty pound bricks, and swimming laps after laps. Unlike many others, I was able to complete all the training courses without a single failure; and now, I've finally achieved my goal thanks to my determination. My family members describe me as determined because I don't give up easily and I work very hard to reach my goals. I take thing seriously and I always put in maximum effort in order to succeed in what I do. On the other hand, my friends would often describe me as creative because I have unique ideas and interesting perspectives. I can always come up with interesting ways to present my ideas, and my creativity made me stand out among the crowd. Being extra meticulous and detail-oriented had always been one of my proudest traits. This trait has helped me accomplish many things such as writing detailed lab reports, making accurate measurements, and creating beautiful intricate artworks. I am proud of this trait because I have the patience and the skills to perform precise tasks while ensuring that the work is done thoroughly.

Undergraduate / UBC PERSONAL PROFILE: Tell us more about one activity listed above that is most important to you [3]

Hi there! This is my rough draft for one of the admission questions for UBC. Please give me some feedback if you can . Thanks so much!

lifeguard and a water safety instructor

Working as a lifeguard and a water safety instructor has taught me more than I can imagine in a short span of five months. After being selected into the workplace by completing a challenging hiring process summing up to a total of seven hours; receiving the position was a pure combination of hard work, and perseverance. My hard-earned job was a gift, it was a proof of my abilities and a reward for many years of training. After getting hired I was extremely excited to work. I looked forward to joining the community and meeting new people. This job is also very important to me because I sincerely enjoy the welcoming environment and the people who I work with. I feel a great sense of achievement teaching children and watching them improve over time; and being able to take apart of their growth is very meaningful. Guarding on deck is also a big part of my job, where efficient communication with fellow colleagues are crucial. Working as a lifeguard taught me to be more responsible for my actions, for my performance will impact many others such as patrons at the pool and swimmers in my classes. Leading many classes of swimmers had strengthened my communication skills as well as the ability to teach and help others. I've developed patience throughout my experience from teaching children as well as problem solving for any unexpected occurrences during my classes. Working also allowed me to meet people with a variety of backgrounds and I've learned to get along with my colleagues and members of the public. Careful planning and the creation of lesson plans are required for each set of classes, and prior to work I always make sure that I am organized and I have a plan in mind. Thus, working as a lifeguard has helped me develop important qualities such as being responsible, being open-minded, and it strengthened my ability to communicate. This is very important for me because receiving the job was hard work, and I truly enjoy working in such a welcoming environment.